Date: 10/09/2014
Interviewed: Marlene Attenberry
Interviewer: Dr. Marcus Nichols
Foreword: Conducted prior to standard SCP-XXXX-1 procedures.
<Begin Log>
Nichols: Hello, Ms. Attenberry.
Attenberry: 'mornin. Or night, can't tell. Y'all need to get some windows in this place.
Nichols: We'll think about it. Now, I'll just be asking a few questions and you'll be on your way.
Attenberry: Sure thing.
Nichols: Alright. First question — when did you first become aware of the unusual qualities of your brush?
Attenberry snorts.
Attenberry: What'd you think? The first time I touched the thing.
Nichols: Did you create it?
Attenberry: Of course not.
Nichols: How did you come to possess it?
Attenberry: You want the long version or the short version?
Nichols: The more background, the better.
Attenberry: Guess I better start at the beginning then. So I've hated my hair my entire life — it gets in my eyes and my mouth and when I tie it back it looks like I'm wearing a squirrel on my head. I've tried every kind of product money can buy and nothing makes a dent. I could live with that if it wasn't for other people. You know, when I was in elementary school, I thought it was a little-kid thing, like other people would realise how shallow it was later. And maybe they did, but I couldn't stop comparing myself to… anyone really. Anything short of an actual squirrel was better.
Nichols: And?
Attenberry: Two weeks ago, I decided to get it cut. It turned out more like a rat had died on my head than a pixie, but when I stepped out of the shop there he was.
Nichols: Who?
Attenberry: I'm no good with names. So a weird dude's standing there with a hairbrush and offers it to me. Bit insulting really, he says some cryptic thing about how he's got a product for everyone. But I figured it isn't any nuttier than rubbing coconut oil all over my scalp, so I take it. Then whatever you want to call this happened and you suits come a-knocking on my door.
Nichols: I think it suits you.
Attenberry: See! That's what I'm talking about, people won't stop saying it suits me! It doesn't. I've got hair where hair should never be. I look like a werewolf from a movie with a budget of three cents!
Nichols: You're being too harsh on yourself.
Attenberry sighs.
Attenberry: That's the worst thing about this. I'm not. Nobody else can see how bad it is.
Nichols: Hold that thought. Wait here, Ms. Attenberry.
