Jonathan and his Udderly No-Gouda Night
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"It's time for bed, Jonathan. It's a school night."

"But mama, I'm so hungry!"

"You should have thought of that before deciding not to eat supper. Bed, now."

With a grand rumble in his stomach, Jonathan staggered into his mattress per his mother's order. With a quick goodnight, Jonathan's mother pecked his forehead before hastily shutting the door. Jonathan, with his stomach in knots, begrudgingly fell into a slumber.

Being an April night in Wisconsin, the weather outside was hectic. The thunder outside was booming, denying poor Jonathan an opportunity to escape his hunger in the solitude of his dreams. After relentless hours of tossing and turning, Jonathan raised his head and looked down toward his stomach. Upon careful consideration, Jonathan came to a conclusion.

S'long as I remain quiet, mama will never know I snuck food.

The next several minutes were spent with trial and error as Jonathan carefully snuck outside of his room, his door being his greatest obstacle. Tip-toe, tip-toe. Jonathan meticulously made his way to the kitchen fridge, reveling in his success upon finally opening the great white door to deliciousness.

Finally! I can eat everything I want! Mama can't stop me now! Thought Jonathan as he stuffed his face with everything in sight, gobbling every single vegetable and cold-cut he could put his hands on. However, Jonathan paused in his feast upon discovering a perfect cheddar cheese circle in the back of the fridge.

Gleefully, Jonathan pulled the cheese to himself only before ignoring the sticky note attached by his mother, warning Jonathan of the cheese's importance for tomorrow's lunch. Jonathan quickly began to consume the delicacy with his teeth, eating the entire block in record time. With his hunger satiated, Jonathan delicately walked back into his room and resumed his slumber.


Jonathan's mother lurked above his bed, staring coldly into his half-asleep eyes. In her hands were the remains of the cheddar cheese Jonathan consumed. Jonathan, in his sleepy state, quickly realized his mother discovered the after product of his midnight snack.

"I'm so sorry mama! I was just hungry!" Pleaded Jonathan.

"No excuses, Jonathan! You are in big trouble! Big!" Screamed Jonathan's mother.

After throwing the remains of the cheddar on Jonathan's sheets, his mother slammed the door only before locking it. The doorknob quickly dissipated, leaving Jonathan inside of an empty room. Sobbing, Jonathan began to feel frightened.

Only a few moments later, Jonathan's bed collapsed into a chasm, sucking Jonathan down. Jonathan began to fall, screeching and crying for his mother's help. The walls of the chasm spiraled downward, streams of fluid perfectly combining into the bottom of the pit.

With a loud thunk, Jonathan landed in a deep lake at the bottom of the chasm. Jonathan, being unable to swim, flailed for air as the fluid consumed him. The liquid spiraled around Jonathan, carrying him in the current. Jonathan felt his lungs fill with the liquid, stuffing all of his organs with a cold, milky taste.

Jonathan felt himself spiraling inside the lake for what felt like an eternity. Before nearly losing all hope, the spiraling had suddenly stopped. Jonathan was relieved, despite the complete darkness surrounding himself. Only a few moments later, however; he felt cold. He attempted to move but to no avail. He attempted to sob, yet no one could hear him.

Jonathan was completely alone.

Suddenly, a beam of light hit Jonathan. He could hear his mother speaking, yet he couldn't see. He cried for help, yet no one came. He felt himself being carried somewhere to swiftly be set down. He could hear the clanging of a metal tool with the distorted voice of his mother somewhere.

Why can't I hear her clearly? Why can't she hear me? What is even-

Jonathan's thoughts were interrupted by a sharp pain in his side. Jonathan felt his pelvis being cut open by a knife, ripping out a chunk of his body. His body felt cold as a large piece of himself was filling with cold air, intensifying his pain. He internally screamed, begging for his mother to save him.

This was nowhere near the end of Jonathan's suffering. He would continue to feel parts of himself melt, be chopped to bits, scraped onto metal, and he felt every bit of it. His hell continued for days on end, slowly being reduced to merely a fraction of his former self.

He felt the warmth and the light upon his stubby body, it could only mean that his final torture was imminent.

Upon being placed in the usual spot, he could sense the metal blade approaching his skin. He felt the steel pierce himself once again, too exhausted to be able to scream any more. He collapsed in the pain, feeling every inch of his remains being chopped into pieces.

Slowly, Jonathan began to feel himself pass. His suffering would soon come to an end soon.

"Jonathan, it's time to wake up dear. The bus will be here any minute."

Tucked inside of his bed, Jonathan produced a content yawn, having awoken from a good night's sleep. As Jonathan dressed into his school uniform, he went into the kitchen and pulled out some milk for a bowl of cereal. As he ate his breakfast, Jonathan's mother smiled as she entered the kitchen.

"Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?"

"Good morning, mama. I slept alright last night."

"I'm glad to hear it. I packed you lunch before you woke up, it's over on the dining room table. I took care to include some of your favorite food, I'm sure you can figure out what it is."

Jonathan's mother hastily kissed his forehead before departing for work. Out of curiosity, Jonathan went over to the dining room table and checked his lunch. Inside the brown sack contained a grilled-cheese sandwich and a ziplock bag filled with cheddar cheese cubes.

Jonathan opened the ziplock back and popped one of the cubes into his mouth. Delighted, his lips slowly curled into a crimson smile.

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