Sweets Are Bad For Your Teeth

Discussion owo

Alan: So, here's the draft of the first section I wrote recently. The rough version of it, anyway. I'll glance over it again sometime soon to see what to change. Feel free to suggest stuff as well.

My current concept for the whole thing goes smth like this:

  • They enter the shop, inspect it, Meet Ella (I think you'll know how to write Ella better than me btw) and attempt to interrogate her. Terry briefly tells what happened to Laura, and why he needs to get JGT. Terry tries to eat a bit of a mintmice to test it, then he is struck by odd hallucinations and goes to the restroom to spit the mintmice out, seeing an odd girl dressed in a pink dress near him for a few moments. In my interpretation the mintmice are "gustatory cognitohazard", Terry will say that before rushing to the restroom, which will make Dan alarmed. It basically means the cognitohazard is active once you taste it. The idea is that KeeLee is planning to go more global and spreads its influence via sweets. (Diana note: MiteMice, not MintMice)
  • Then, silly stuff happens (I've decided that this tale would benefit from smth weird), as Ella's husband comes over. A husband who is a stereotypical cool guy, wants to protect Ella etc. It turns out her husband is a humanoid made entirely of jelly (referencing that other JGT skip as well as Ella's anomalous sweet abilities) and they start fighting. The thing pretty much knocks out Dan, because of it's abnormal strength/endurance and ability to absorb bullets.
  • There's a fight between the thing and Terry, which goes from the main shop section to the restroom, in which Terry runs hot water and tricks the jellyman into hitting the sink. Resulting water pressure hits the jellyman and causes him to dissolve, because jelly does that when in contact with hot water. Terry basically outsmarts the dude and wins.
  • They basically clear the place, but Ella escaped while they were fighting. The Dan then tells Terry that he managed to put a tracking device on Ella, which will help to lead them to where she escaped.

One important fact here is that Terry is a transgender dude. Trans man, to be precise, that's why he saw illusions. At the end, he basically asks Dan to not alert the Foundation about the fact that he's still affected by JGTs cognitohazards. He's memetically resistant and believes he can take it, and needs to because he wants his friend back (and hate JGT on a personal level due to them being TERF, obviously).

Here's what I thought out so far. 👀

Diana: I started, hope I could do okay with the place holders. Edit Terry and Dan's lines as you see fit, and Ella's too if need be. Here's the key with Ella. Ella isn't anyone special, just a brainwashed minion. NOT. She's kept under KeeLee's thumb due to her being known to 'glitch' from time to time and not to mention her 'sister' Cora. Ella is almost always on some sort of treat she made or the KeeLee gave her. She's very confused. The thing with Ella is that she holds a lot of pain. She struggles severely with self image. The poor thing is practically skin and bones. She's crying for help but doesn't know it. She's Jess' best friend. Jess, the one who is slightly resistant to KeeLee, and glitches a lot. Ella is almost like a broken toy. She's hardly human, but she's got all the hurt of one.

"So, that's the place?" Agent Terry pointed to a small house in front of the car's windshield.

The building was hard to miss with its walls and roof painted in bright, warm colors and design that almost seemed cartoony. It simply didn't fit into the general down-to-earth view of the small street. The agent looked closer and saw the words "Ella's sweets" on a tacky pink sign placed near the building's front door.

Terry took a sip out of the thermos cup, wincing a bit from the coffee's grease, and looked at a stout, dark-haired man in the driver's seat. His partner's gaze was focused on the laptop's screen, checking the data for possible mismatches.

"Must be. A sweet shop, 22 West Central St. Snellville. They gave us the right coordinates after all."

"What are we waiting for then, Dan? Let's get started." The slim man put the thermos away and attempted to open the door, only to be stopped by his partner.

"Call to the command comes first."

Static noise came out of the receiver as Daniel connected to the Foundation's encrypted frequency. Terry responded with a nod, drumming his fingers against the car window. A woman walked out of the sweep shop wearing a pink dress, the drumming became faster.

"This is intelligence unit-C22. We've located the target. Any additional information we need to get before entering?" Daniel's voice sounded loud and clear.

"Good." A monotonous voice came from the walkie-talkie, "Unfortunately, we still have very little data. Allegedly, this shop is run by an individual named Ella, who is related to PoI-4319. You should be fine, seeing as the anomalies this "Just Girly Things" group creates only affect female persons, but stay focused. If Laura's note is to be believed, we're dealing with a bender."

"No worries, we aren't afraid of candies and glitter." Terry turned his head and saw his partner placing index finger over his lips.

"Good luck, men." The command continued, "if you'll come across something too much to handle, request the MTF backup immediately."

"Roger that. Over."

Dan's response was followed by the slamming of the car's door. Terry stepped forward, eager to start the mission. The agent quickly approached the front door with his big steps. He could see multicolored shelves and boxes, filled with sweets of different shapes, colors, and sizes through its glass.

"Can you just slow down a little? I didn't even lock the car yet," the agent heard his partner's voice from behind. Daniel ran up to him and leaned on the door, catching his breath.

"That was a walk and a half."

"Sorry Dan, I just don't feel like wasting time right now," Terry hastily adjusted his glasses and grabbed the door handle.

"Listen, let's just keep our cool here, alright? I know that this whole thing is personal to you, but please, don't get impulsive. We're professionals, right?"

"Right. Don't worry, pal." Terry said after a brief pause.

The agents entered a store, a bunch of small bells placed above the door told the owners that new customers have arrived.

"Welcome to Ella's Sweets! Home of the sweet delights of Ella, which is me!" A woman no older than 20 in a mint green dress topped with a white lacy apron appeared behind the front counter. She giggled and danced up to two men with excitement.

"What may I do you for you?"

"Greetings, Ella, I take it? We're representing a certain federal agency," Dan calmly explained as the girl gazed at the agents in confusion, "we have several questions about your establishment."

Oddly, this only received a sweet giggle from the doll-like girl.

"Oh, let's just cut to the chase," Terry sighed in irritation. "Mrs. Ella, are you affiliated with an individual named KeeLee in any way?"

The shop's owner didn't seem intimidated even with two unknown persons standing beside her, one of whom was silently gazing at her from top downward. The next moment she broke the awkward pause by clapping her hands with a smile. Then again, with her head tilt. And once more with a frown. Her posture and expressions seemed human, but there was something uncanny about them, which made the agents keep their guard.

"I'm so very sorry for my ditziness, sometimes Cloufaudons will do that to you. Of course, I can tell you who KeeLee is! I'd like to, actually. She helped me and others through hard times, such a great gal, and a good friend."

"Yeah we get that, you all love her very much," Terry's voice became louder, "I'm asking more specifically. Where she lives, how can we find her, how she calls herself when she isn't turning people into mindless pawn-"

The chime of little bells by the door interrupted him. A middle-aged woman approached the counter with her little daughter.

"Hello, this is a sweet shop, right? We'd like to buy some…"

"This place is closed. Please leave." Terry exclaimed in a sharp tone.

"I'm sorry, but…" The woman started, causing the agent to turn his head again.

"Now." Terry's focused, serious expression said more than his words. The woman nodded and turned away from the shop despite the child's protests. The agent approached the door and put up a "closed" sign.

"We don't need more people changing their wardrobe today. Now, let's continue: tell us everything you know about Keelee."


The ginger-haired girl clapped her hands together with a smile, then a head tilt, then a frown. She had looked as a robot before, humanity now came to her posture and face. "I am so very sorry for my ditziness, sometimes Cloufaudons will do that to you. It's horrible that you lost your friend! I don't know what I'd ever do if I lost one of my fellow sisters. How can I be of assistance. Oh! You should buy something! Sorry, I'm all over the place. Oh! You should—"

"We really don't have time for games. Our agent disappeared with her apartment left completely empty of anything even remotely 'ungirly', including many childhood sports trophies and such. She left a note talking about an organization known as 'Just Girly Things', and we've found your store linked to the group. We need to follow any lead we can on this group so we can—" the sight of a tiny pink mouse running underneath the skin of the skinny ginger girl's arm cut Terry off. "What on earth was that?"

Ella let out a happy giggle before grabbing a bag of pink candy mice off the counter, handing it to Terry. "These are MiteMice! My favorite little creation. They're only for girls though. Strong men like you don't need this kind of diet item. Oh! You, you're quite handsome!" Ella grabbed Terry's hand, examining it with her own. "Are you a prince?"

"O-Oh, no. Look." Terry thrust his hand away from Ella, turning from her entirely. These people disgusted him. She was nice now. But if she knew, that smile would disappear in an instant. Wanting to distract his train of thought, he popped a few MiteMice into his mouth. Suddenly, everything was weird.

"Gustatory cognitohazard." Terry forced out as Ella pointed him to the bathroom.

Alarm struck Dan immediately. "Oh my god what is in that thing?" He asked Ella harshly.

"Do-Don't yell at me please!" Real fear coded her voice. "What was I saying? I mean… A girl is always to do as a man asks. It's the ladylike thing to do. What day is it? I need Ben! Wait what?"

Diana: think you could finish off this scene? I'm not quite sure how and I wanted to give it to you to finish off

Alan: I'll do that shortly.


random Diana.ver

"Oh but are you sure you're alright? Men aren't supposed to eat those things it could seriously hurt you!" Ella had genuine concern painting her features.

Terry stepped away from Ella, who attempted to walk up to him once more. "Yes, I'm sure. Very, very sure. Now we've really got places to be—" He was cut off by Ella, who had gasped with delight.

"Omg! My husband Ben is coming over! It's like he knew! Oh you just have to meet him!"

"We really don't—" Terry began.

"Sure." Dan turned to Terry, then lowered his voice. "The guy could be a lead. Maybe Ella knows nothing about KeeLee but just maybe he could."

Terry bit his lip for a second, then let out a hesitant sigh.

Stuff I'm not sure where to put yet:

As he was approaching the counter, a middle-aged woman entered the shop with her daughter.

"Hello, this is a sweep shop, right? We'd like to buy some…"

"The shop is closed. Please leave." Terry exclaimed in a sharp tone.

"I'm sorry, but…" The woman started, causing the agent to turn his head again.

"Now." He added, piercing them with his glance. The woman nodded and turned away from the shop despite the child's protests. The agent approached the door and put up a "closed" sign.

"We don't need distractions. Now, let's continue: tell us everything you know about Keelee."

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