FttBwGG Rewrite

Revision ideas:

  • Draw out the horror. My (UE) absolute favorite moment was the middle, with KeeLee being horrifically unnerving.
  • Rework the beginning almost entirely:
    • Lolly didn't feel like she needed to be there, much. She felt more like a position taken. One idea I have is to replace her with, say, a software developer (possibly Sara Yarkoni from WWYDFTLTIMD) being contracted for the site. In the wrong company, devwork can be hellish; combined with KeeLee's gaslighting, and you could have a kafkaesque monstrosity on your hands.
    • Teamwork making the nightmare work: I was actually imagining that KeeLee might've also subcontracted a coghaz creator to work with the developer, pair programming style. This could be especially horrific if KeeLee picked someone closer to her own values (already have a character in mind ;0 ).

Diana's comments:

(Hi Uranium! Gonna leave my comments here so they're easy to find.)

  • Already said for one, I feel KeeLee's dialogue should be less technical. She's not going to act like there is something making this up with codes, she'll talk about it more as decorations and stuff like that.
  • Super minor nitpick/tip, KeeLee always types in proper grammar which you seem to have mostly nailed. She doesn't use text lingo like the other girls, and will always use punctuation.
  • Just a personal suggestion, I would do something with Jess. It seems like you've got it set up for that though! and Another tip about Jess. A lot of people seem to think she's transgender. As the creator of her, I'm here to say she isn't. Just put things in ways where they're kind of up to interpretation. She's a victim of sex trafficking and abuse, and pretty much had nothing before JGT. I do have a transgender member though, Cora. Though Cora is truly Landon, just forced to be Cora.

rating: 0+x

Play nice girls! Real girls are always well-behaved.
Topic set by KeeLee on Wed Sep 01 2010 09:52:05 GMT-0400 (Eastern Daylight Time)

Ella: SO totally love your dress Angel!
␟␏(ɲ˃ ˈ̫̮ ˂ɳ)␟␏ෆ

Angel: OMG, thank you! Can you believe I made it out of my old stinky, boyish gym uniform? JGT made it so pretty! I'm so glad I don't have to wear ugly clothes just to a run around a stupid gym anymore.

Ella: Totally!

<Sara has joined chat>

Sara: man uh,

Sara: you weren't kidding huh

Angel: OMG, new person! Hi Sara!

Sara: shit, uh, y'all know my

Sara: man w/e, buncha magic. so, uh, howwee doin

KeeLee: Hey, girl! Thanks for dropping by on such short notice.

KeeLee: Sara, meet the girls. Girls, meet Sara! She's gonna be handling the ~web magic~, tinkering this cute little machine so we can continue doing what we do best.

Sara: man, it' s no prob! yeah i'm gonna-yeah, what she said.

KeeLee: Don't call me man.

Sara: ph ih, fuck sorry.

<PINK FLY has joined chat>

PINK FLY: Hey.

KeeLee: Good timing, Terry! Girls and Sara, meet Terry, Terry, meet Sara and the girls!

Sara: wait, we can change our names

Ella: :0 Terry berry!

KeeLee: These two are gonna be the backbone of this cute little operation, so play nice now!

KeeLee: Sorry, Sara, we're currently using DarkWeb EveID. Terry's just using a eVePN.

Ella: Thank you SO MUCH for those recipes!! Ben and I ate like four plates between us lmao

PINK FLY: It's no problem. Did you try the makeup mix I sent over SkyHigh?

Sara: oh sweet we gpt vpn's up in this bitch

Ella: PINK FLY Nooooooo, purging took too long ;~;

Sara: g-d ther'es gotta be some kinda IT certification for paratech which would be cool as heck

Angel: Nerrrrd!

Ella: What a boy.

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Originally by DrChandraDrChandra and DianaBerryDianaBerry,

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