By Queen feat. David Bowie
rating: +1+x

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained in a negative pressure stainless steel chamber with entry available only through a two-stage airlock equipped with air curtains capable of discharging air at 20 m/s. The northeast and southeast corners of the containment chamber are painted red and blue respectively.

Applied Task Force Chi-3 "Assembly of Peers" is to maintain two separate teams, XXXX-Chi-3-Red, and XXXX-Chi-3-Blue. No fewer than 20 hours per week spent outside of SCP-XXXX's containment chamber are to be spent in training and rehearsal of rhetorical strategies designed to influence the listener to comply with given suggestions.

At no time are fewer than 2 members of each team of ATF Chi-3 to be present within SCP-XXXX's containment chamber. Members of each team are to apply social pressure to SCP-XXXX to take up residence within the corner of its containment chamber corresponding with that team's color. In the event SCP-XXXX begins to evaporate, aggressive rhetoric, up to and including calls for violence against members of the opposing team, is to be used. Under no circumstances are Chi-3 members to cease applying social pressure to SCP-XXXX.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a sapient, intelligent entity composed of 98% hydrogen sulfide.1 While in a gaseous state, SCP-XXXX is ~3,500% more corrosive than standard hydrogen sulfide. So far, no materials immune or resistant to this corrosive effect have been found.

SCP-XXXX typically assumes the form of an invisible, gaseous cloud. While in this form, SCP-XXXX maintains a cohesive, cloudlike shape, and is capable of drifting at speeds up to 5m/h. During this state, it will attempt to pass through living organisms it encounters. Due to the rate at which SCP-XXXX's gaseous form corrodes biological matter, this process is universally fatal.

When subjected to social pressure by at least 2 humans to perform a given task, SCP-XXXX will typically condense into a shallow puddle of inert liquid and attempt to carry out the task to the best of its ability.2 It will continue this behavior until it either completes the task, or spends a short amount of time attempting the task3 before supposedly giving up. In either case, SCP-XXXX will boil into its gaseous form over a period of several seconds.

Addendum: [Remember, puddles of anomalous liquid: Smoking isn't cool.]

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