Tale 3
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The Goose, The Bad, and The Ugly
<< Part II | Part III | Part IV >>


insert anime shit here

The trio found themselves within a totally new dimension. Though the reality looked rather fine and peaceful, there was one problem.

They were in the sky.

Falling from it.

"Oh, shit fuck shit fuck shieeeeeeeeet!" Cimmerian screamed at the top of his lungs. "What the fuck do we do?!". The man looked around the new world, only finding weirdly colorful plains.

"I don't knooooooooooooooooow!" SCP-507 replied, with a fly getting in his mouth.

"Oh shit fuck, shit fuuuuuuuuuuuuu-" Jeremiah was interrupted by Bright landing on his head.

"Well, I mean that's technically only your problem, so-" Jack attempted to say.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa…!" 507 didn't even listen.

"Oh god, oh fuck, oh-" Cimmerian remembered that he once saw a YouTube video about what to do if your parachute failed. Of course, he could remember absolutely nothing from it.

"We're all gonna dieeeeeeeee!"

Looking at their inevitable fate, Cimmerian accepted it. Sure, that wasn't a good way to end, but there were a lot of worse ones. At least he avoided death for as much as he could.

"It was truly fun living with you, pal," Jeremiah said, looking at SCP-507. "And to you, Bright - I-"

Before he could finish the sentence, something stopped their falling. Suddenly, a bubble of air formed around them. The trio slowed down, getting onto the ground withing their weird prison. Thankfully everyone was safe. Out of the local bushes, three little bean-shaped men approached the team.

"Oh, thank god, someone normal," thought Cimmerian.

"Greetings! We cannot stress enough how much we are thankful for rescuing us!" Bright said, looking at their weird saviors.

"Ummm, gubba hut?" quickly replied one of the men, looking at his brethren.

"Oooni, alet!" the second one replied, clearly pointing to someplace within the local landscape. "Ai, ai!" he screamed at Cimmerian, Bright, and 507. "Uuuul, pelo!"

"Ummm, we don't really understand what you're saying… wait, I think it's like Hawai, right? Bright, you know that stuff, so-"

Suddenly, the bubble of air they were trapped in started to rapidly move within the direction the little bean-lad pointed his chubby arm.

"Oh, come on, man!" Bright said as 507 landed on his face.

"Looks it's really not my fault those weird… things don't understand us, okay?" the dimension-shifter replied. "Why does everyone always have to blame me?! It's not like I asked to be born like that!"

Though in normal circumstances, the argument would probably be much longer that anyone normal would want to, thankfully, the bubble slowing down again stopped Bright and 507's nonsense.

The team found themselves within a cartoon-styled village within a forest. Around it, many small men like from before turned their attention from everyday chores to the newcomers.

"Unti, ta lu yo!" one of them exclaimed loudly, before he started to clap his hands.

After two minutes of awkward silence, the trio that rescued the team entered the village. Suddenly, a group of bean-lads wearing dark robes and skulls of their heads surrounded the bubble and popped it open. Cimmerian, Bright, and 507 fell on the ground. The cartoony people walked near the tallest tree in the entire village, clearly showing the rest to follow them.

"I mean we kinda don't have a choice here…" SCP-507 said to his companions. "But It can't be that bad, what are they gonna do, sacrifice us to C'thulhu?" he laughingly said. "Come on!"

When everyone approached the tree, out of the large bushes surrounding it, another local, this time wearing a crown on his head, came out of it.

"See? They just want to show us to their leader, it-"

Suddenly, a giant hand reaching out of the flora smashed the little crown-person. Out of the dark shade of the tree, a 10 meter high, pale, black-winged humanoid monstrosity came out, pointing at the newcomers.

"Shaw'thly our'ham!" it screeched, looking at the black-robed individuals.

"I take everything back!"

Before they could even object, the group found themselves tied up. The little man started drawing a circle with chalk around them.

"Wait, wait, wait!" Bright shouted. "Listen, you don-"

"It won't work." 507 said, looking at Jack. "It never does."

The team stayed silent as their imprisoners finished the circle and started to light up candles around it. The little man started humming in the unknown language, circling around the trio.

"No, no, no no! Not like this!" Cimmerian attempted to move around the rope prison. "This is too bullshit tobe how I die! Killed by fucking Bush's Beans… I refuse to accept this! Let me oooout!"

"I told you, it won't work. Look, if you just accept it, it won't be as hard."

The humming got louder. Suddenly, mist started to form around the chalk circle.

"It was fun, folks. It was truly fun." Cimmerian repeated his mantra from before.

"Yeah, thanks for everything, e-"

Suddenly, a light blinded all of them. It looked like the deus ex machina had arrived.

"Oh, you've got to be fucking kidding me right now. This luck is beyond bullshit"

After all of the expected inversions in the feeling of one's body, extreme headaches, and general feelings of not-the-fuck-understanding-what's-going-on the team landed in a corridor filled with led lights.

"Is it-is this everything?" Bright asked. "Oh Jesus, it's Site-19. It's over now. It's over. Cimmerian, may I ask where the nearest toilet is?"


"Because I am done with this shit."

"That wasn't even-"

Suddenly, a shadow leaned over the trio, only to be accompanied by two smaller ones.

"Well, well, well. Looks like you're still alive after all of this. That's rather interesting." said Alto Clef, petting one of the geese standing by his side.

The Goose, The Bad, and The Ugly
<< Part II | Part III | Part IV >>

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