The Rye To Remain Silent

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SCP-XXXX upon manifestation

Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its relatively isolated nature, the town of Sandwich, Illinois1 has been evacuated and occupied by Foundation personnel. Individuals attempting to enter the town are to be interrogated, issued Class-B amnestics, and released. All food items within the site are to be kept and consumed within its cafeteria, which has been constructed outside of city limits. SCP-XXXX manifestations are to be met with cordial behavior to prevent the accidental loss of personnel. Requests to utilize SCP-XXXX in the removal of culinary-based anomalies is currently pending review.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a humanoid entity resembling a police officer that manifests within the town of Sandwich, Illinois. In place of the entity’s head is an uncut loaf of white bread. Despite this, SCP-XXXX is able to speak, see, and hear without apparent issue. SCP-XXXX will manifest if something that is recognized as a sandwich is created within the town. Once the object is recognized as a sandwich, SCP-XXXX will appear on the nearest paved road to the creator of the sandwich in a police car (henceforth referee to as SCP-XXXX-1) identical to those used by the Sandwich Police Department. SCP-XXXX will then approach the creator of the sandwich and request to see the individual’s “sandwich license,” although no document of this name is known to exist. Due to the lack of owning this document, SCP-XXXX will confiscate the sandwich and place it in the back of SCP-XXXX-1 before driving away. Once SCP-XXXX-1 is out of viewing range of the individual, the vehicle will demanifest.

Inquiries directed towards SCP-XXXX about the method of obtaining a “sandwich license” are met with indifference, with the entity saying to direct these questions towards the “DSO.” No government office or department of this name is known to exist. Personnel who react aggressively to SCP-XXXX or refuse to give it the sandwich will be restrained and handcuffed by the entity. SCP-XXXX will then place them within the backseat of its vehicle and will resume its normal demanifestation. Individuals taken by SCP-XXXX have not returned during subsequent manifestations.

Addendum: Included below are portions of SCP-XXXX’s test log for the purpose of determining the extent of SCP-XXXX’s manifestation requirements.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rohwedder prepared a standard BLT sandwich.
Results: SCP-XXXX manifested and confiscated the sandwich, commenting “Nice try, but you can’t avoid the law.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will manifest if the sandwich isn’t directly referred to as such.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rohwedder prepared a standard turkey sandwich. Before the sandwich was completed, 100 milligrams of arsenic was added to the dish.
Results: SCP-XXXX appeared wearing blue rubber gloves before confiscating the sandwich, commenting “This is why you get a license. They tell you not to do stuff like this.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will manifest if the sandwich is unsafe to consume.

Procedure: A replica of a sandwich is constructed using several pieces of scrap metal by Assistant Researcher Rohwedder.
Results: SCP-XXXX appeared wearing chainlink gloves before confiscating the sandwich, saying to personnel “I didn’t think I needed to tell you not to tamper with this kind of stuff, but here we are. You’re going to seriously hurt somebody.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if the sandwich is made of inedible material.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rodwedder wrote the word “Sandwich" on a standard sheet of printer paper. Shortly afterward, a crude drawing of a sandwich was created on a separate sheet of paper.
Results: SCP-XXXX manifested and confiscated both papers, commenting “When will you learn? Get a license and stop wasting my time. I have more important matters to attend to.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if the abstract concept or a sandwich is used.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rodwedder recreated a map of Sandwich, Massachusetts on a standard piece of paper.
Results: SCP-XXXX manifested midway through the recreation before taking the map from Assistant Researcher Rodwedder. While leaving, it commented “How dense are you? Judging by your labcoats I thought you were supposed to be scientists.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if the term sandwich is used in reference to a specific location.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rodwedder recorded a copy of the 2006 film Sandwich onto a standard VHS tape.
Results: SCP-XXXX manifested while the film was recording and removed the VCR that contained the tape, commenting “You’ve violated at least 3 different codes this time! Seriously, why can’t you understand this? No license equals no sandwich.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if the term sandwich is used in the title of a piece of media.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rodwedder attempted an analysis of the ham sandwich theorem without saying the name of the theorem.
Results: SCP-XXXX manifested approximately 47 seconds into the analysis, confiscating all writing materials from Assistant Researcher Rodwedder, commenting “Is this some kind of game of you? Trying to work a way around the law? No. No, it’s just… no. Just stop now while you’re ahead.”
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if a term sandwich is related to a separate term and not directly expressed.

Procedure: Assistant Researcher Rohwedder was permitted to access a copy of [[[|SCP-3689]]] and was provided the necessary ingredients to create the dish.
Results: As Assistant Researcher Rohwedder was adding the final ingredients to the dish, SCP-XXXX manifested and drew its weapon, ordering that Rohwedder cease creating the dish and place his hands above his head. Rodwedder complied and was handcuffed by SCP-XXXX before being taken into SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX reentered SCP-XXXX-1 and emerged wearing a standard Level B hazmat suit and a biohazard disposal bag. SCP-XXXX proceeded to disassemble the sandwich and individually place each ingredient within the disposal bag. Once this was completed, SCP-XXXX made an obscene gesture towards nearby researchers before demanifesting.
Conclusion: SCP-XXXX will appear if the sandwich has anomalous properties and will react accordingly.

Following extensive testing, SCP-XXXX has shown a slightly lower manifestation time due to repeated testing along with an increased disdain towards Foundation personnel. Further tests involving SCP-XXXX has been temporarily halted.

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