The Rye To Remain Silent

Title: Sandwich (disambiguation)
Tags: biological building city concept esoteric extradimensional food foundation-made hostile humaniod sapient scp sentient spacetime uncontained vehicle
Critters: T RutherfordT Rutherford rattlesrattles LaneousLaneous DrLycus does not match any existing user name FloppyPhoenix does not match any existing user name

rating: 0+x
Item#: 4773
Containment Class:
Secondary Class:
Disruption Class:
Risk Class:



Special Containment Procedures: Due to its relatively isolated nature, the town of Sandwich, Illinois1 has been quarantined by the Foundation. Individuals attempting to enter the town are to be interrogated, issued Class-B amnestics, and released.

All food items within this site are to be kept and consumed within its cafeteria, which has been constructed outside of city limits. SCP-4773 manifestations are to be treated cordially to prevent loss of personnel. Requests to utilize SCP-4773 in the removal of culinary-based anomalies is currently pending review.

Description: SCP-4773 is a humanoid entity that appears exclusively within the town of Sandwich, Illinois. This entity resembles an ordinary, white male police officer; the single exception being its head, which appears as an uncut loaf of white bread. Despite this, SCP-4773 is able to speak, see, and hear without apparent issue.

SCP-4773 manifests if something that is brought or created within the town that can be defined using the word "sandwich." SCP-4773 will appear on the paved road nearest to the creator of the object in a police car (henceforth referred to as SCP-4773-1) identical to those used by the Sandwich Police Department. SCP-4773 will approach the current owner of the sandwich and requests to see the individual’s “sandwich license,” although no such legal document is known to exist.

If a satisfactory document cannot be produced, SCP-4773 will respond by confiscating the sandwich and placing it in the back seat of SCP-4773-1 before driving away. Once SCP-4773-1 is out of viewing range of the individual, it will demanifest along with SCP-4773. Inquiries directed towards SCP-4773 about the method of obtaining a “sandwich license” are met with indifference, after which the entity will ask that questions be directed towards the "DSO." No government office or department of this name is known to exist.

Addendum: Included below are portions of SCP-4773’s test log to determine the extent of SCP-4773’s manifestation requirements.

Procedure: D-1401 constructed a BLT sandwich as a basic comparison test for future experiments.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested and confiscated the meal, commenting “Nice try, but you can’t avoid the law.”
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will manifest if an edible sandwich is created within the town.

Procedure: D-1401 prepared a standard turkey sandwich. Before the sandwich was completed, 100 milligrams of arsenic was added to the dish.
Results: SCP-4773 appeared wearing blue rubber gloves before confiscating the sandwich, commenting “This sandwich has way too much arsenic. It's way above the standard limit of 3 parts per googillion.”
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will manifest if the sandwich is unsafe to consume.

Procedure: Several cut pieces of metal were stacked by D-1401, vaguely replicating the appearance of a sandwich.
Results: SCP-4773 appeared wearing chainlink gloves before confiscating the metal, saying to personnel “Do you even have a Class B sandwich license? Any sandwich that contains metal or other dense materials in its construction requires a Class B license to construct.”
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if the sandwich is made of inedible material.

Procedure: D-1401 wrote the word "sandwich" on a standard sheet of printer paper. Shortly afterward, a crude drawing of a sandwich was created on a separate sheet of paper.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested and confiscated both papers, commenting “How old are these documents? And you haven't gotten them renewed yet? Sandwich documents need to be renewed regularly so that we know the current operational status of your sandwich. If you had your license, I'd request you get a standard sandwich inspection to make sure there were no underlying problems."
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if the abstract concept or a visual representation of a sandwich is used.

Procedure: D-1401 recreated a map of Sandwich, Massachusetts on a standard piece of paper.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested midway through the recreation before taking the map from D-1401. Before leaving, it commented “You do realize what you're playing with, correct? You could have opened a rip between opposing Sandwiches. You don't want to release what's between the slices.”
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if the term sandwich is used in reference to a specific location.

Procedure: D-1401 attempted to record a copy of the 2006 film Sandwich onto a standard VHS tape.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested while the film was recording and removed the VCR that contained the tape, commenting “Digital dine and dashing isn't a joke. Would you buy a sandwich before leaving without paying? Would you download a sandwich? I thought so.”
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if the term sandwich is used in the title of a piece of media.

Procedure: D-1401 attempted a written analysis of the ham sandwich theorem without stating the name of the theorem.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested approximately 47 seconds into the analysis, confiscating all writing materials from D-1401, commenting “What are you doing?! Are you trying to get us all killed?! Writing sandwich creation runes on a sheet of A4 paper? That flimsy compressed piece of pulp could never hold back an Nth sandimensional entity. This is your last warning bud. Stop playing with fire."
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if a term sandwich is related to a mathematical process or abstract concept.

Procedure: D-1401 utilized sandwich printing to combine two photo negative images of The 4th Earl of Sandwich and The 2nd Earl of Sandwich into one photograph.
Results: SCP-4773 manifested immediately following the process, grabbing the photograph from D-1401 and commenting "Are you insane?! Do you realize what you could have done?! You could have completely sandwiched the current timeline! You're lucky there isn't another sandimensional entity here to drag you back to 17th century England." SCP-4773 then wrote D-1401 a ticket, claiming he owed $500 for multiple sandwich related violations.
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will react more aggressively if multiple meanings of the term sandwich are used at once.

Procedure: D-1401 was given a copy of SCP-3689 and was provided the necessary ingredients to create the dish.
Results: As D-1401 was adding the final ingredients to the dish, SCP-4773 manifested and drew its weapon, ordering that D-1401 cease creating the dish and place his hands above his head. D-1401 resisted and was restrained by SCP-4773 before being taken into SCP-4773-1. SCP-4773 reentered SCP-4773-1 and emerged wearing a standard Level B hazmat suit and a biohazard disposal bag. SCP-4773 proceeded to disassemble the sandwich and individually place each ingredient within the disposal bag. Once this was completed, SCP-4773 made an obscene gesture towards nearby researchers before demanifesting along with D-1401. To date, D-4773 has not reappeared during subsequent manifestations.
Conclusion: SCP-4773 will appear if the sandwich has anomalous properties and will react accordingly.

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