Deargodwhydidimakethis

Item #: SCP-1928-J

Object Class: Copyrighted

Special Containment Procedures:
Foundation installed malware on civilian appliances capable of video monitors for evidence of SCP-1928-J-1 through 7 (and occasionally SCP-1928-J-8 through 22) physically manifesting to subjects belonging to their primary target demographic.1 If a manifestation event occurs, protocol IWERKS is to be invoked.


PROTOCOL IWERKS

  • Complete relocation and amnesctization of all residents within a 5km radius of manifestation location to Site-438 for one year of observation.
  • Deployment of arsenic based gasses within operation area until neutralization of all SCP-1928-J entities besides SCP-1928-J-7 is confirmed.
  • Detonation of low yield EMP within operation area.
  • Remote confirmation of SCP-1928-J-7 neutralization.
  • Subterranean mapping of operation area via deep ground penetrating radar until SCP-1928-J's quartz crystalline core is located.
  • Declaration of evacuation cover F9AA2 "We Accidentally Dropped A Nuke Here But It Didn't Go Off, Again" given to surrounding populace within a 50 km radius of the manifestation site.
  • Detonation of miniature nuclear warhead no weaker than 1.5 kilotons of TNT.
  • Confirmation of SCP-1928-J neutralization by Curie-class drone.
  • Establish contact with PoI-1928-J-2 by Foundation agent embedded in the Los Angeles, California cocaine trade.
  • Persuasion of PoI-1928-J-2 to provide portions of its soul as bargaining assets for PoI-1928-J-1, usually accomplished via supplication with cocaine.
  • Contact of PoI-1928-J-1 via Foundation Seance Team stationed at the Forest Lawn Memorial Park in Glendale, California.
  • Notice of PoI-1928-J-2's immortality by contract with a Tartarean-class demonic entity is not to be brought to PoI-1928-J-1's attention under any circumstances.
  • Negotiation with PoI-1928-J-1 for maximized time until the next SCP-1928-J manifestation using portions of PoI-1928-J-2's soul and assurances of PoI-1928-J-2's advanced age.
  • Should PoI-1928-J-1 resist all bargaining attempts or learn of PoI-1928-J-2's immortality, Protocol "It's a small war after all" is to be enacted and a Broken Masquerade scenario declared.


PROTOCOL IT'S A SMALL WAR AFTER ALL

  • PoI-1928-J-2 will be reinstalled as CEO of GoI-1928-J. This is not an instruction but rather a statement of an inevitability.
  • Foundation disinformation campaigns in evangelical sects of North American Christianity release propaganda describing PoI-1928-J-1 as the second coming of Jesus of Nazareth.
  • U.S. Congress passes a constitutional amendment granting GoI-1928-J an unending copyright on its intellectual property and immunity from antitrust regulations.
  • GoI-1928-J's army of Tartarean-class demonic entities is weakened by provoked evangelical forces until Foundation agents can capture PoI-1928-J-2 with minimal risk to Foundation assets.
  • Summon PoI-1928-J-1 to Orlando, Florida-based Titan-class Thaumic containment cell where PoI-1928-J-2 is held.
  • Allow PoI-1928-J-1 to possess Michael Eisner.
  • Release Walt Disney to walk the earth once more.
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