Did I Mention That I'm God?
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Item #: SCP-343-J

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-343-J is "contained" in a standard humanoid containment chamber1. No further procedures are nessecary.

Description: SCP-343-J, colloquially nicknamed "That Asshole in Wing B" by the staff, is an elderly caucasian male claiming to be the Abrahamic God.It has managed to dissapear and reappear with a burger in its hand and walk through walls.

While SCP-343-J appears to be somewhat knowledgeable on christian mythology, it has demonstrated a noticeable lack of knowledge on aspects of other Abrahamic religions, such as appearing not to know about the presence of Jesus in Islam or misidentifying kosher food. When asked about this, SCP-343-J will usually sweat profusely and quote a passage from the New Testament.

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Interviewed: SCP-343-J

Interviewer: Doctor Dhalia Mercer

[BEGIN LOG]

Mercer walks into SCP-343-J's containment chamber.]

Mercer: Ah, hello SCP-343-J, I'm Doctor Dhalia Mercer. Thought we could have a little chat today.

SCP-343-J: Ah, of course, of course… come forth my child.

Mercer: So, just to start, you claim to be God, right?

SCP-343-J: I do not claim to be the Lord, I am the Lord. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding." Ask what you would of me.

SCP-343-J: Well, I was just wondering about this section in the Quran-

SCP-343 appears to curse under its breath.

Mercer: Pardon?

SCP-343-J: Nothing. Continue. Uh, my child.

Mercer: As I was saying, you negotiate with Muhammed about the number of times a day Muslims must pray to you. Why'd you set it at fifty?

SCP-343-J: Wait, really- I mean, It was… a test! Yes, it was a test, to see if he truly had faith in his heart for me, like Abraham and his son. Once he accepted it, I lowered it. To the current number nowadays.

Mercer: I see. But it says he went back and forth, negotiating it multiple times?

SCP-343-J: Uh, I meant after the negotiations. Sorry, I assumed we were discussing that as well.

Mercer: Alright. So, what's up with circumcision?

SCP-343-J: Uh… I work in mysterious ways?

Mecer: Okay, last question. Can you tell me what card I have behind this page in my binder?

SCP-343-J: …Ace of hearts?

//
Addendum: [Optional additional paragraphs]

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