Nightmare Report: Laughy

FADE IN:

EXT. DIRECTOR MCLAUGHERSON'S QUARTERS - NIGHT

We can see a dark hallway, and are presented with an infinite array of doors. The doors are all identical, except for one — a door embellished with purples and pinks of various hues splattered onto its wood like a Pollock painting. The door opens on its own, and the shot pans forward before coming to a stop in a bedroom. Individual portraits of several unknown people of different ages and ethnicities, all with expressions of shock, hang from three of the four walls.

On the fourth wall, LAUGHY sits upright in a large purple bed. He's wearing a deep purple satin silk robe. Anything above his shoulders is rendered in shadow. He yawns, throwing his arms up with electrified enthusiasm. He plucks a sheet of paper from his nightstand and reads from it with a flamboyant showman's voice.

LAUGHY

FORM 666-Y - STANDARD NIGHTMARE REPORT

Personnel: DIRECTOR MCLAUGHERSON

Estimated Degree of Recall: ONE HUNDRED AND TEN PERCENT!

Likelihood of Actionable Intelligence: A LOT

Description: Ha-ha-hello there! Funny seeing you here! I don't suppose you have any idea why I've brought you all here, do you?

AUDIENCE

(no audience is present)

Laughy pauses for 5 seconds in anticipation.

LAUGHY

(laughing)

Alright, alright — hee-hee — calm down, now! I brought you here to fill you in on a little secret between the two of us. And the secret is that I was visited in my dreams last night. Oh, and you'll never guess who visited me!

Laughy pauses for 2 more seconds, then clears his throat and continues.

LAUGHY

(with enthusiasm)

My, so energetic tonight! Well I'll tell you, alright! It was that lovable chucklefuck and my nightmarish confidant, NOBODY! What a pleasant surprise, eh? He was wearing the most dashing outfit, as always. He said he came to visit me! Can you believe it? Him, VISITING ME?

I told him I would only speak to him if he came on my show, 'cause it's not worth the chat if I have no material to entertain my viewers with! He told me that he didn't know how that would be possible, and demanded that he speak with me at once. But we can't have a good show without good entertainment, no siree! So he gave me an ultimatum. If I find a way to get him on my show, he'll find a way to get my show on the air for the fine folks down in the Oneroi Collective.

How can I resist an offer like that? Don't be ridiculous! We're gonna get NOBODY on this show, right here, right now, live, for all our viewers around the Noosphere. And how are we gonna do it? Find out RIGHT NOW, on tonight's episode of LAUGH IS FUN!

The view goes dark.

CUT TO:

A large portrait hangs from a nondescript wall. A woman rendered in a freehand ink sketch sits on a chair, her arms crossed.

LAUGHY

(voiceover)
Now who's this lovely lady? Why, it's none other than the Director of Inappropriate Gestures, CASSIE! Say hello, my dear!

The woman in the portrait, CASSIE, scowls and turns her head. She flips off the camera. After a moment, censor boxes cover up the offending gesture. She looks back, notices the censor boxes, and erupts in laughter. No sound can be heard.

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