Starting Recording From 2019-11-03, so may miss some from before this date (e.g. if pages were deleted).
September:
Eighteenth:
Hello.
[[collapsible show="+ Crit/Opinions"]]
Firstly, I don't like how the animation plays automatically. I'm not a code person so I don't know if this can be done, but I'd appreciate if the animation only happened when it was hovered over. It's just a bit distracting when trying to read the conprocs.
The transcript of the legible sections are shown below.
I don't like this as an excuse for why there isn't an entry for every day. This suggests that between Jan 1st and 18th, nothing at all was legible. And if I know new year's resolutions at all, she would be writing every day for at least the first couple weeks. Maybe consider something about how only relevant entries were transcribed? Or maybe get rid of the part where she mentions an exact frequency of entries?
Today is January 1st, 2019 which is a Tuesday.
I really don't like this way of writing the date. The whole 'which is a Tuesday' part seems a little weird.
I wanted to a crisis counselor
You missed a 'be' here.
Do people even participate in New Year's resolutions anymore?
I can't see myself writing it like this in a diary. I would have gone with 'Do people even make New Year's resolutions anymore?'
It doesn't really matter.
I'm not that scared, actually.
These two sentences don't fit together for me. She doesn't seem to lie at all in her diary, so I can't see why she'd want to hide if she was scared. And if she isn't scared, why does the day of the week suddenly not matter?
[I] got excused from class
I find this weird as, she makes no more errors like this, even right at the end of the diary. So it's not showing a loss of control and just seems sort of out of place.
I read an article about this one woman; she got a check-up for a mild cough. Turns out that she had lung cancer, despite not smoking a day in her life. Guess the universe just hates you, sometimes.
I don't know about this. This is more of a personal part, but it seems like slightly too much of a coincidence for me.
Goddammit dammit dammit dammit dammit fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.
I think this would be struck through, seeing what else she's crossed out.
Discovery and Neutralization Log
I'd cut Neutralization, as it suggests the Foundation killed her when they just found her dead.
Overall, I'm not sure I really like this. While I quite like the concept, I'm not sure that I'm a fan of how on-the-nose it is. The line where she literally calls Markus a tumour sort of ruined it for me, honestly. I enjoyed the ambiguity over whether Markus was ever an actual person or if he was always just the tumour, and I would have preferred if the actual written link wasn't there. It just feels like it's shouting at me "Start considering both possibilities now!
So yes, it's probably a downvote for now, because the ending disappointed me and made me feel a little stupid (I don't need it spelled out, let the reader start considering both possibilities themselves). Although, I like the concept and feel that this could be reworked into something very good pretty easily.
[[/collapsible]]
EDIT: After noticing that several of my issues have been addressed, I am changing my vote to a novote. However, the hostile reading experience caused by the animated image has stopped me from being able to upvote this.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
[[collapsible show="+ Opinions"]]
I liked this skip quite a lot. However, there's a little bit of wording that I find weird.
SCP-3584 is a patch of anomalously tall…
I'm not sure how I feel about the use of the word patch, possibly as they have been contained. I dunno, patch just doesn't seem like the correct term when it's really just a collection of plants.
Autopsies by both affected and unaffected researchers reveal the presence of small metal root-like wires growing in the subject's body.
This is a purely personal note, but I don't like how the non-affected people see the roots as metal.
Addendum: A large section of forest 2 km from Site-892 became filled with dandelions and suddenly collapsed, while several SCP-3584 stalks simultaneously withered and fell.
Another personal note here (sensing a pattern?) but I think this benefits from a date somewhere. Either by giving the addendum some sort of name and a date, or just starting the first sentence with the date. It just seems a little out of place suddenly jumping into the description of an event.
But overall, this is a great example of your style. An interesting anomaly, with a little section of it at the end that makes you think 'huh, I wonder what that means'. I'm extremely confident upvoting this.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Twenty-ninth:
Alright, let's do this:
[[collapsible show="+ Line by Line" hideLocation="both"]]
The image caption is a little long, as it makes the text slightly too small for me to read easily. Maybe cut down on some of it?
Foundation webcrawlers are to monitor SCP-4686 and prevent civilian access to the website.
Technically, web crawler is two words, however I think I have seen it written as one word in a few SCPs. Also, as far as I know, the web crawler itself wouldn't be capable of preventing access to the website. That would be a job for a human or another automated system.
Civilians who have accessed SCP-4686 are to be amnesticed.
This is one of the more unique ways of naming the action of applying amnestics. I'm familiar with amnesticised, amnesticized and amnestized, however I may have just missed other SCPs that use this spelling. I do prefer those other ones though.
has three fields
I think you should specify that these are "input fields".
When a person (the "requestor") fills the first two fields accordingly and clicks the “Request Hug” button, an entity referred to as SCP-4686-1 will emerge and grow from the monitor of the "requestor’s" device and proceed to embrace said "requestor".
This sentence runs on a little too much, and uses 'and' three times. Maybe consider separating it into two sentences?
If left blank it will automatically be filled with “DEFAULT”
I actually think this can just be completely cut. In the table it's obvious what default means, so this sentence doesn't really add anything.
I'm not entirely sure that the "" around some words are needed. I'm less sure about some of the words, but I don't think they're needed around requestor.
closely resembling that of a rabbit or a dog, specifically, an Angora rabbit, or a Samoyed dog.
The commas after specifically and rabbit are not needed.
The website will then enter a refractory period lasting from 24 to 145 hours where it will be unavailable to take in requests.
Does this mean requests made in this time fail, or does it just not take them? If the former, nothing needs changing. If the latter, you need to add something about how some requests fail.
SCP-4686 will wave one of its limbs
Should be SCP-4686-1
Any attempt to apprehend the entity has failed as the entity is capable of becoming incorporeal.
Should be a comma after failed. Also, either replace the second use of 'the entity' with 'it', or replace the first use of it with 'SCP-4686-1'
The entity also affects any recording devices pointing at itself, within an unknown area around itself, distorting or corrupting any data within these devices.
You can probably remove the 'within an unknown area around itself' clause. Also, maybe change the final section a little, because at the moment it seems like it corrupts all footage on the device, not just footage of itself. Whether this was your intention or not, I much prefer it just affecting pictures and videos of itself.
Denied
This should probably be 'Failed'. If this was a conscious choice to use denied over failed for this request, I'm not a fan. It seems to be an attempt to add humour to an entirely non-humorous article.
Foundation latest attempt at shutting down the website. Website remained accessible but SCP-4686-1 was not able to manifest.
I prefer something like "The Foundation's latest attempt at shutting down SCP-4686. The website remained accessible but SCP-4686-1 was not able to manifest."
Website returned to its normal operations.
Again, I think I'd namedrop SCP-4686 in this.
SCP-4686’s refractory period has been observed to be reduced in half.
Replace this with either 'reduced by half', or 'reduced to half of its original length'.
has started to appear “thinner” than usual
Thinner probably doesn't need the quotation marks. Maybe replace it with slimmer? That's probably not necessary though.
[[/collapsible]]
Overall, I really liked it. Not going to give any spoilers out, but when I realised what had happened it really packed an emotional punch. The table is short enough to be easily readable, whilst not being too short to convey the narrative as well as it does. Despite the slight roughness around the edges of this SCP, I was very happy to give it a +1.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Hi!
[[collapsible show="+ Opinions"]]
So, everything about the narrative and actual wording of this I love. You successfully got an emotional response out of me, something which rarely happens. And you've tackled a very sensitive subject in a very considerate manner.
The characterisation of both Clef and Adams is great, as is your representation of Iris' suffering. The tale is also the perfect length, long enough to hit me with all that emotion without dragging on at all.
However, I could only novote this. The font you have chosen both seems unnecessary and is fairly difficult for me to read[[footnote]]Also, unless there's something special about this exact font, there are much easier ways to implement a new font that don't need anywhere near as much code.[[/footnote]]. The only reason I actually read through this at all was because I'd heard it was really good; if I hadn't been told that I wouldn't have suffered through it. I can't say exactly what about your font of choice did this for me, it just made it hard to read. Maybe it's because I'm on mobile, I don't know. But for now, I've got to stick with a novote. Reading a Tale shouldn't be a hostile experience.
EDIT: The font has been changed. +1
[[footnoteblock]]
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
October:
First:
Okay, let's do this:
[[collapsible show="+ Line by Line" hideLocation="both"]]
ScarEpFou
This is really pedantic, but I don't think this needs the 'Fou'. It's an isolated Foundation-only network, and this isn't like an email address where something like they could be in the domain name. There's no reason to specify Foundation on a network only used by the Foundation.
09/09/████
Does the year really have to be blackboxed? Especially in a tale, I don't think this is necessary.
but it does
You forgot the underline below this.
A single shining star
I don't like that this poem is monospaced. If the writer can't be bothered to correctly spell words and punctuate sentences in previous entries, why would he be bothered to change the font?
Class-V reality altering entity
I'm not sure he's a Class-V. Those are essentially deities, and he would have subconsciously made these anomalies actually real anomalies that everyone believes in if he had that level of power. There would be a lot more effort put towards locating him if he was basically a God; definitely more than what's implied in this tale. At the very least, he's definitely demonstrated no abilities worthy of being designated as a Class-V in this tale.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall Thoughts"]]
So, I do like this tale. It was pretty funny and entertaining to me, and I liked the fact that Epon Scarlett was a dirty coldposter
It's short and sweet, but it's not too short to tell a good story. I noticed that you're planning to develop this character a little more, and I'm interested to see where you take him. +1
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Third:
Okay, let's do this:
[[collapsible show="+ Line by Line" hideLocation="both"]]
SPC-2970 is to be considered "Deactivated"
The quotation marks aren't needed in my opinion.
The SPC-2970 Project is to combat rising Selachian numbers and their sympathisers.
I don't think that selachian or project need to be capitalised. Selachian is also capitalised a few other times, so maybe remove those too.
These operations are to include raids on sympathiser stations that are handing out propaganda about the Selachian cause.
This sentence is a little clunky to me. You can probably completely cut 'that are'. And possibly replace "propaganda about the Selachian cause" with 'selachian propaganda' or something similar.
SPC-2970-B consists of two components.
This can probably be in the paragraph below. It seems a bit weird on its own.
Arm-mounted, non-lethal harpoon guns, to replace a forearm.
At least one (probably both) of these commas is unnecessary.
Water jets installed into the body, to allow for faster movement.
Again, I'm not sure this comma is needed.
Rebreathers installed into the throat, for SPC-2970 to breath underwater.
Breathe, not breath. Also, the comma before for isn't needed.
Doctor Rosa Miles arrived at Arena-17 in the 80's
80s isn't apostrophised.
The SPC-2970-B entities' DNA are 100% identical with SPC-2970-A
While it comes from multiple places, DNA is still singular. Therefore, 'are' should be 'is'. Also, the final part of this sentence is a little off. Maybe replace it with 'is 100% identical to SPC-2970's'.
Perhaps the SH have deployed an jammer to stop us from talking.
'a jammer'. Also, maybe replace 'SH' with 'the Hand'. It seems much more like something a person would say.
Most of the log has been cut for brevity sake
Brevity's sake.
Donald: Its a Puncher
It's.
Oh… Yeah, I'm fine. Agent Sarah has the path nearly done so we can go on ahead, yeah?
I'd probably put a comma before so.
Once more, majority of this log has been cut for brevity's sake.
The majority of this log.
Where's B? I ain't seeing rocket punches!
At other points, you have written B as -B. Choose which one you want, and stick with it.
who can be seen punching a shark with less energy
They wouldn't call them sharks in official documentation. Probably more likely to be a 'selachian entity'.
Its… complicated, Mike.
It's.
sighs and remains silent for 8 seconds
I think small numbers like this are better written out as the full word (eight, not 8).
A circular hole where Donald's stomach used to be, can be seen from Michael's camera
You don't need the comma before can.
Michael lost communications with Skipper about halfway to the surface.
'Approximately' is a better word than 'about'.
so your not under the Centre's influence of "beating up sharks".
You're, not your.
(inaudible due to SPC-2970-B sinking down to the bottom.)
I don't think you need to explain this. Just '(inaudible)' is enough.
Also, some of the Log changes tense a little. I'm not going to point it all out, but just read through the descriptions of people's actions a little.
When Procedure "SUCKER PUNCH" was put in effect, doctor Rosa Miles has voiced her concerns about the Procedure.
You don't need the 'has' after Rosa Miles. Also, I think this reads better with the second use of 'Procedure' replaced with 'it'.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall Thoughts"]]
While this was a little rough around the edges, I did thoroughly enjoy reading it. The mutiny of soldiers created specifically by the centre is very interesting, as is the cold ending.
It also has a good amount of SPC humour. The line about being more accepting being directly followed by the refusal to accept that shark punching is wrong really made me laugh, as did '1 copy of the sharkic Bible thing.'
Overall, I did like this SPC article, and feel confident upvoting it, despite its rough edges. Keep up the good work!
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Fourth:
For a Bright's Challenge article, the writing of this is pretty great. There are only a small number of nitpicks that I have:
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks"]]
affixed to a toilet at Site-55
I'm not entirely sure how I feel about using this site, as you mention they are stored at Site-90. This is definitely more of a personal thing though.
Culinary department test kitchen #7
You use the № symbol for Item Number, but you use # here. This is a little inconsistent, and I would probably choose one and stick with that.
Each monument possessed door leading to an internal chamber containing a stone dais of unclear function
This has already been mentioned, but you missed an 'a' before 'door'.
And that's about it nitpick-wise.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall (Spoilers?)"]]
I really like this. The idea of the universe being in an imperfect state is really cool, and it tackles the idea of what exactly a perfect state is. Also, just by this anomaly's existence, it poses some interesting questions:
What or who created this, and why?
Why is it here?
What is the intended function of the universe?
And I think I have some sort of idea for why. Your use of powers of two (64 metres, 128 characters, 256 instances) definitely comes across as intentional. And what uses powers of two? Video games and simulations.
So my thoughts about this is that it suggests we live in a simulation. And the entity running it implemented these for an unknown reason, maybe just to make it more interesting? I'm almost definitely wrong, it's just what came to mind.
But back to the actual quality. You've successfully justified the use of an esoteric class for me, and that's often not easy. I was interested all through the read, enough that I spent several minutes trying to think of answers to those questions. Well done.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Eighth:
Okay, let's do this.
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks" hideLocation="both"]]
SCP-4542 specimen are contained communally within Insectoid Containment Chamber 7 at Site-71 Parazoology Division
Specimen should be plural (specimens), and I think that "Site-71 Parazoology Division" should probably be written as 'Site-71's Parazoology Division'.
You say, at the start of the description, that the SCP is the species. However, in the rest of the description the SCP is the insect. Either change the start of the description, or replace the offended sentences in the rest of the description with 'SCP-4542 instances' or something similar.
SCP-4542 eggs reach maturity within 24-hours
24 hours doesn't require hyphenation.
The average lifespan of SCP-4542 is 10 years, with the oldest recorded instance living 13 years before expiring from natural causes. SCP-4542's lifespan directly correlates with the average lifespan of the European rabbit and is theorized to be caused by the presence of the rabbit's DNA.
While yes, this is the average lifespan that a European rabbit can technically live to, rabbits are notoriously awful at living a long time. Most die before they reach a few years old, due to illness, injury or predators. As is, this is probably fine, but maybe it could be reworded to better reflect this?
citizens of Yorkshire were administered amnestics.
This is like, five million people. Just making sure you're aware of the scale of this operation.
All of our friends sided with her mother and now Bella is too
This sounds like he's talking about friends of himself and Bella's, when you mean himself and his ex-wife's (I think). I'd probably rephrase this a little.
The "Bug-Bunnies" laid eggs.
He's called them 'Bugs-Bunnies everywhere else. Was this typo intentional, or was it an oversight here?
I am assuming that the missing comma and apostrophe in the final note is intentional, as he is in a rush to get away.
The inspection of Mr. Larson's storage unit found an infestation numbering close to 80,000. 50 of these were captured with the remaining instances being terminated. All attempts to locate Mr. Larson have proven unsuccessful. An investigation into the origin of the technology purchased by Mr. Larson is currently ongoing.
Maybe experiment with this paragraph a little. Something about the only short sentences and lack of commas makes it feel, I don't know, too angry? The tone just feels a little weird and repetitive.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall" hideLocation="both"]]
This is a pretty cool idea. I like the image, and I like the SCP that has been created around it. I really felt for the father, something which is often hard to make me do. His goal was something completely reasonable, and the link to his hobby makes it seem enough like something someone would do. While a parent-child relationship obviously isn't the most unique concept, you've done it in a pretty cool way with a very interesting anomaly. I like bunnies and I like bugs, but you've managed to make something that, while not being obvious horror, isn't an animal I want in my garden at all.
Overall, I did enjoy reading this SCP. The emotional link was good, and the execution was also pretty well-done. It doesn't suffer from the issue I notice in some collabs where you can tell exactly who wrote each part; it all fits together well. +1. Just consider doing something about that tonal thing I pointed out in the nitpick section, and this will be even better than it already is.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Twelfth:
Okay, let's do this.
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks" hideLocation="both"]]
MTF Ni-13 is in charge of execution.
The word "execution" is more charged than what the Foundation usually goes with. I would use "termination".
an object of similar significance to the affected subject
I'm not quite sure what they're similar too? Does it mean an object which makes the subject feel the already mentioned feelings?
After a minumum of thirty minutes of travel, the subject spontaneously enters SCP-4875-1, still affected by SCP-4875. Should affected individuals be unable to move, they will enter SCP-4875-1 after ten minutes of immobility.
I find it weird that it's 30 minutes of travel, but only 10 minutes of no travel.
Individuals affected by SCP-4875 seem to disregard
I don't like the use of "seem to". Do they disregard it or not?
Climbing over another dune, the structure is visible nearby
This sentence reads like the structure is climbing over the dunes. Make it more clear that the D-Class is climbing.
The recording then moves around
Not sure about this phrasing. I don't know exactly what you could change it to, but at the moment I don't like it.
And when the lightning strikes the tree…!
I'm not the biggest fan of exclamation marks in SCPs as a whole, and it definitely feels super weird when combined with ellipsis.
Subject walks between the towers
You can probably refer to them by name, as you have done in other parts of this log.
Despite being the voice of Dr. Quintana, it is on a much more shrill tone.
"Shriller" could probably replace 'more shrill'. It is in a much shriller tone.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall" hideLocation="both"]]
To be completely honest, I do not like the large amounts of redaction, especially in the containment procedures. Maybe it can be justified in the description, but the fact that a researcher wouldn't even fully know how to contain this stick out as bad to me. I also don't like all of the blackboxed dates and names. There seems to be no reason you couldn't just make one up to put it in.
Now, on to the rest of the SCP. I'm not really a fan of the way in which the incident logs were written. I think I agree with Henzoid here in that aspect, but I don't think the issue is specifically that it feels like a tale. It just doesn't come across as something that would go in an official SCP document, especially the descriptions of events. It's also pretty hard to discern between dialogue and description of events because of the similarities between italicised and non-italicised text, but I'm not quite sure how you would fix this issue. It's especially irritating when you italicised 'lorem ipsum dolor sit amet', when it was said by the doctor.
I'll try to explain my feelings on the incident logs a little more. The way in which the people act just comes across as… off? I don't fully know whether the anomaly affects what they say, but I don't like it either way. If it doesn't affect them, they don't really speak like people at all. And if it does affect them, then the whole anomalous effect seems like too much. It's a compulsion effect which I could just about get over, as it was executed decently well, but if the anomaly also messes with their head in this way and removes the individuality of the characters, it just doesn't interest me. I'm leaning towards it being the latter, as all the characters seem to speak in exactly the same fashion.
Also, I find it weird that only the final log has images. From an in-universe perspective, I don't see why they would be only attached to one, when all the logs were videos. From an out-of-universe perspective, I understand why you may not be able to find suitable images, but the lack of an in-universe reason makes it not work for me.
Now, on to the concept as a whole. I don't really like it. I think I understand what's going on, as I did read the crosslinked SCP at the end. However, I don't think it brings with it enough impact because of it being a crosslink. It meant nothing to me until I read the skip, and after that we were past the correct moment. Due to that, the ending did nothing for me and I was left disappointed. And because the ending, which was disappointing, was meant to make you reconsider the entire SCP, it left me quite uninterested about the whole thing. There also isn't enough implication of anything that would justify all these redactions, so I'm still not a fan of them.
Overall, due to the lacking dialogue, imperfect anomaly, redactions that I don't think are justified and the fact that the ending meant nothing until I had read an additional SCP, I downvoted this.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Fifteenth:
Okay, let's do this.
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks" hideLocation="both"]]
with its top hat removed
Maybe "removed and contained separately"? I imagine it being kept in a different chamber.
SCP-4745 is not to remain in its active state for more than six days at a time unless during testing
This sentence seems a little redundant, as it would only be in its active state at all during testing. The six day part doesn't seem necessary.
alter the abode to make it Halloween themed
Halloween-themed should be hyphenated like so.
SCP-4745 will change its theme to outright horror
Not a fan of this phrasing. Technically, while the anomaly is causing the stuff to happen, it's not "its theme". Not quite sure what you could change this to; try experimenting a little.
Manifestation of "Jason" from the Friday the 13th film franchise
I'd give Jason Voorhees his full name. Also, due to him not existing, I don't think he manifests. Maybe "Manifestation of an entity resembling…."?
It was at this point Foundation personnel became involved.
I think this flows a lot better with "that" after 'point'.
MTF Phi-13 "Spooky Scary Skeletons"
The MTF name should be in ("parentheses and quotation marks").
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall" hideLocation="both"]]
This was a difficult one to decide my opinion on. There are some things that I like, but also some things that I don't like. I'll start off with the good stuff:
I think that you have a pretty good understanding of how Wondertainment functions. While this is a defective product, you can see how it was intended to be a product for children, which they would enjoy. Also, some of this was pretty fun to read. I liked the brief list of manifestations, and the escalation of effects seemed like it was paced pretty well.
However, there was also some stuff that I didn't like. Most notably, the discovery log. It didn't really do anything special for me. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. She reacted in a completely reasonable way to what happened, as did law enforcement. The google search part feels awfully bolted on, and depending on your interpretation, either sort of overcomplicates this a little or doesn't really add much. I'm in the former group. How has this accessed the internet, and how does it have a completely unknown IP address. You've added too much anomalous ability without anything giving any implications as to why or how.
The biggest issue is that without it, I don't feel like there'd be quite enough here. The defective notice helps, but I feel that this needed something else. And a pretty procedural discovery log with an end which asks questions with no answers, for a reason which I don't find beneficial to the narrative, isn't quite the something else I'm looking for.
Overall, this is a novote for me as is, but I'm definitely seeing potential.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Nineteenth:
Okay, let's do this.
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks" hideLocation="both"]]
Artistic depiction of John Chapman, made in 1860
Not really a fan of the word 'made'. Maybe use 'created' or something more specific to art?
Due to the circumstance of SCP-4608's recovery, no other containment procedures were developed.
I'm not entirely sure that this is needed. It doesn't hurt the article with its existence, but surely this is just implied already by the Object Class and the word 'Archived' in conprocs. However, this is definitely a personal note.
On October 14, 1947, the Foundation was alerted to the occurrences surrounding SCP-4608 by police reports of strange creatures being seen in the vicinity of SCP-4608
I don't like this sentence; it seems repetitive in the way it's written. Each section is super similar and it feels clunky.
What the fuck would do-
This is a super personal one, but I much prefer using — to show interruption. The additional length works better for me.
the tree line
A tree line is generally a specific term for a height above sea level, after which trees cannot survive. They're often found on mountains. I suggest that you use a different wording, even though this technically isn't incorrect.
What do you mean— OH GOD.
I don't like the capitalisation here, especially as you've used exclamation points to do the same thing in other areas.
What the fuck! Those things came out of nowhere. What's the plan, Regis.
Use interrobangs. I'm not completely sure about the 'what the fuck' as it can possibly be said in a non-questioning way, but the 'What's the plan, Regis' should definitely have a question mark at the end.
Following debriefing and receiving a psychological evaluation,
"Following… recieving a psychological evaluation" is not grammatically correct. Just removing 'receiving' would be good enough.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall" hideLocation="both"]]
I really enjoyed this. The dialogue felt realistic all the way through, both with what was said and how it was said. At no point did I feel it was robotic.
I was hooked all the way through this. It's the perfect length, and the narrative and anomaly are both super interesting. Everything about this seems like it was a conscious decision. The image of the -1 instance is great, as it's blurred in a way that makes it seem realistic. The only thing that I can think of for constructive criticism is that I felt like -2 could've possibly been more involved. Granted, it's definitely there at the end, but that section of the log feels like it may be a tiny bit short. This didn't really deduct from my enjoyment of this in any way, though.
All in all, the gorax is great, and I feel super confident upvoting. Keep up the great work!
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Twenty-fifth:
Okay, let's do this.
[[collapsible show="+ Nitpicks" hideLocation="both"]]
I'm not gonna go over everything here, because quite a lot stands out as incorrect. I will point out the worst offenders.
In the conprocs, the term "SCP-4276" is overused. I would definitely change this. Terms like 'instances' can help, as can rewording or cutting some sentences.
Class-3 personnel or higher, moreover, it must first be approved by Class-4-4276
Level-3 and Level-4. I also think that each of these levels are one level too high. Level-4 is Site Director level.
more commonly known as the cuckoo wasp
This should be a footnote. The 'cuckoo wasp' section should be plural (wasps) as you're talking about the whole family.
SCP-4276 shares many similarities to its relatives
This phrasing is weird. It should be "with its relatives", and I'm not sure about 'shares many similarities'.
SCP-4276, however, appears to possess a greater diversity
I'd recommend swapping SCP-4276 and however. It flows better, and it would stop this being the third sentence in a row that begins with SCP-4276.
and combinations of the group
This whole phrase can be cut.
1.2 cm (0.5 inches) to upwards of 5.1 cm (2.0 inches)
This doesn't need inches at all. Also, I don't get why the footnote is there. Just replace the larger number with the size of the largest instance.
Lambda-1: "Search the building. Remember protocol."
You don't need quotation marks in a Log.
The pup appears relatively sound save for a cavity in its head.
'Pup' is not clinical.
his innards [REDACTED]
There is no need for this redaction. It's unnecessary and could be filled in with actual words.
SCP-4276's primary anomalous properties
This whole quoteblock doesn't need to be in a quoteblock. Also, every single blackbox is unnecessary.
I'm gonna stop analysing individual lines now, as these problems should have been fixed before this was posted.
[[/collapsible]]
[[collapsible show="+ Overall" hideLocation="both"]]
Overall, I'm not really a fan. The clinical tone isn't great, and the dialogue feels very unrealistic in several sections. It doesn't read like things that actual people would say, and the doctors break character far too much. The use of redactions, expungements and blackboxes is far too common, and I feel like literally none of them are justified.
This SCP definitely overstays its welcome. I was struggling to stay focused after the first third, and the final plot twist doesn't work for me. I see no reason why an ethics committee member would be behind this. And there is nothing that hints at it before. All of the MTF logs etc. don't really get anywhere, and the attempts at body horror in them don't really work for me. They're almost too detached and clinical for them to have any effect, and they seem entirely unnecessary having finished the whole SCP.
Overall, I feel like this attempts to do far too many different things, and when combined with a sub-par execution this has led me to a pretty strong downvote.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
[[collapsible show="+ Opinion"]]
In my opinion, this SCP is good! I wasn't familiar with the subject matter until I'd read this, but it didn't detract from the experience at all. Clinical tone is generally strong, and this definitely doesn't overstay its welcome at all. I was interested through all of this, and did not stop to skim at any point.
The little piece of narrative development in the second addendum does help tie this together for me. However, I feel like it may come across as too unprofessional for a Foundation researcher to some people, depending on their individual headcanons. I didn't really have this issue, though.
Something I really like about this article is how its formatted, paragraphed and laid out. It comes across as really professional, but without feeling dry and boring to read. I love the use of the diamonds in the collapsibles, and will definitely be considering using them myself. Overall, with an interesting subject, narrative and anomaly and good execution along with the impressive layout, I feel very confident upvoting this. Well done!
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Thirtieth:
I try to justify all my downvotes, and I downvoted this piece. I'll explain my reasoning below:
[[collapsible]]
Alright, so for the tone you were going for, it's written well. It feels like a scientific paper, and I've not really got any nitpicks about that.
However, this (at least to me) misses the point of what the SCP wiki is for. As a fictional writing site, I look at works to be entertained and this doesn't do that for me. SCP articles are just pieces of narrative writing disguised as scientific documents. This isn't a piece of narrative writing. It's just a scientific paper about a non-existent subject. There's nothing in this which evokes any emotion or comes across as interesting; it's all extremely dry and emotionless. There was recently a discussion on the SCP subreddit about how much verisimilitude was too much in articles, and I feel it's especially pertinent here: The link is here, and while it's written with SCPs in mind, most of it applies to this sort of 'Tale'.
Overall, I think that while the writing quality of this is pretty good and I can tell that effort has gone into this, the subject matter is uninteresting for me and not what I'm looking for on a fictional writing site. Therefore, I felt that I had to -1 this piece. When it comes down to it, if I wanted to read a scientific paper I'd read a real scientific paper, not go on the SCP wiki.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
November:
First:
I know this is a translation, but I still try to justify all my downvotes.
[[collapsible]]
Firstly, I'll start off with something simple. Cerastes' comment is something I wholeheartedly agree with. Bright coming up in this, while possibly justified, feels out of place and straight out of the meme subreddit. It wouldn't have ruined the piece on its own, but it's a noticeable factor.
Now, onto the rest. I'm personally not a fan of these super dry, narrativeless legal documents or research papers. However, I'm aware that interesting enough things can be done with them; I have had more positive opinions on some vaguely similar pieces. I'm just going to note my general opinion on their existence overall, as I feel it may impact my judgement: I understand that from an in-universe perspective, things like this will exist. However, the SCP wiki is a fictional writing site, which is a medium to get enjoyment from. Legal documents normally don't do this for me.
This doesn't do that for me. It's incredibly dry in tone (which is to be expected) and is similarly dry content-wise. I'm not even sure I agree with the assessment that Articles 4 and 5 have that much potential, at least not in this format. Possibly a traditional tale, but I feel that expanding them in a document like this will not change the fact that I extract no enjoyment. For me, it's sacrificing too much emotion/feeling for verisimilitude, something which there has been an interesting discussion of in the community recently. The link can be found here.
Overall, while this is written well for what it is, the thing that it actually is really isn't that interesting for me. I felt no emotion, and it was difficult to push through the piece. Since I vote based on my enjoyment of the piece, I feel that I have to downvote this.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Third:
While I am not Rigen, I can point out the flaws in this pretty well. Clinical tone is not up to scratch, and SPaG is also pretty lacking in a few places.
The description seems to be more of a discovery log than anything else, with the actual description of what the anomaly is not coming into play until the third paragraph. The discovery is completely out of place when put with the picture; that image is not something that could be found in a Catholic Church.
The description is unclear, and there's no reason why it chooses one of the three states. Each state isn't really that interesting, and doesn't have any thematic link with the anomaly as a whole. Essentially, the actual anomaly really isn't fitting. You've attempted to make this more interesting by bolting on some additional danger. This doesn't work. The way to make something more interesting is to make it evoke a specific emotion or feeling, which this does not do. In addition, things that make you go crazy then die are some of the most overdone tropes on the wiki.
Overall, this is an uninteresting, overdone type of anomaly, with an out of place object and insignificant discovery. The formatting and writing is also not of an adequate quality, but that's not the biggest issue here. I strongly recommend you use some of the resources and forums available to you, as without them there's an extremely low chance that you'd be able to turn this into a successful concept.
[[collapsible show="+ Helpful Resources" hide="- Hide" hideLocation="both"]]
- Ideas Critique forum to get your concept checked and greenlit, that of which you can find more about here. This should be your first step.
- Drafts Critique to seek reviews on drafts before going to the main site. Note that you need two greenlights if you are a first-time author, which you can find out more about here.
- How To Write An SCP page to review the basics.
- The Clinical Tone Declassified page can help you nail that tone needed for a successful article.
- Butterfly Squad are dedicated reviewers and can help you flesh out your ideas and strengthen your drafts.
- IRC chatrooms to seek out live critique, if that's more your speed.
- This in-depth guide on writing your first SCP.
- This essay on generic items and how they succeed and fail.
- This essay on humanoid SCP objects and how to make them real.
- This essay on terror and how the familiar can be scary.
[[/collapsible]]
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.
Alright, so clinical tone and SPaG are pretty shaky, especially the latter. Tenses are a big issue in some places. The dialogue is not realistic and I'm not a fan of the small text/superscript that you've used. I see no reason that the Foundation would transcribe it in that way. Essentially, the writing quality isn't really up to scratch, and I would have had trouble not just downvoting for this alone.
Content-wise, this also doesn't really interest me. The anomaly isn't especially interesting, being fairly generic shapeshifters who try to sneak into society, which are supported by a weak and often nonsensical narrative. The entire part about the Royal Family doesn't feel at all necessary either. And the ending was incredibly disappointing. Everything built up to what was meant to be some sort of massive reveal, and it was a generic, overdone 'taxes are bad' joke. It doesn't even fit with the anomaly at all; you've also not justified it in any way. "Research into the concept of "taxes" to find any SCP-4568 or anomalous influence is ongoing." is not acceptable justification, when none of the concept has suggested anything about taxes before the reveal.
Disclaimer: Opinions expressed in this review do not reflect the opinions of SCP Wiki staff as a whole. Please respond to gee0765 or contact the captain of the Site Criticism Team,
SoullessSingularity, for any questions or concerns relating to this review.