How The Foundation Saved Christmas
rating: +2+x
Item#: XXXX
Level3
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
archon
Disruption Class:
amida
Risk Class:
notice

Michael_Buble_Crazy_Love_Tour_%285432460777%29.jpg

SCP-XXXX

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX must be observed at all times by at least one unit from MTF Chi-17 ("Russian Winter") MTF Omega-24 ("Santa's Elves"). Due to its importance in maintaining consensus reality, SCP-XXXX is to be left uncontained. To guarantee the preservation of Christmas, the Foundation is to allocate any necessary resources to ensure the survival of SCP-XXXX.

Description: SCP-XXXX is singer Michael Bublé, the festikinetic1 physical representation of the concept of Christmas.

SCP-XXXX manifests every December 1st, and demanifests on December 31st. The time period during which it physically exists, the month of December, is its only known active period. During the rest of the year, it does not exist.

SCP-XXXX can only be remembered or acknowledged during its active period. While some individuals may claim to recall its existence at other times during the year, this is concluded to be a subtle memetic effect of SCP-XXXX2. These effects include delusions of having listened to non-Christmas music by SCP-XXXX or the attending of its concerts at other points during the year. Some may even claim to recall a Super Bowl advertisement featuring the entity.

SCP-XXXX's primary effect is its status as the living concept of Christmas. While Christmas, unlike SCP-XXXX itself, is able to be recalled and comprehended beyond the month of December, it depends upon SCP-XXXX's annual manifestation in order for the concept to exist. This suggests that, should SCP-XXXX be terminated, Christmas will cease to exist.

SCP-XXXX is over 1700 years old, judging from the approximate time the holiday of Christmas was first celebrated. Because of this, it is believed to be biologically immortal. SCP-XXXX has only begun to pursue a musical career relatively recently, and as such has only become public figure within the past few years.

Addendum XXXX.1 (Discovery): SCP-XXXX's anomalous status was discovered on 12/04/2012, when it was found in an amnestics error during D-Class testing.

[D-4456 had just been administered experimental Class-R amnestics. Dr. Pines was directing a standard memory test. It should be noted that Class-R amnestics are designed to remove all memories save for language and general skills, such as driving or eating with silverware.]

D-4456: Whoa, whoa, hey, what's going on? Who-?

Dr. Errol: Please remain calm, everything is fine.

D-4456: I don't- I don't remember anything. What- who-

Dr. Errol: We know, and we're gonna try to-

D-4456: What the- wait, please! I don't know who I am! I- [At this point, D-4456 begins to sob.]

Dr. Errol: We're going to try and help you, okay?

[D-4456 is unresponsive.]

Dr. Errol: Is there anything you do remember?

[D-4456 begins to sing quietly, beneath sobs.]

D-4456: I-it's a beautiful d-day, the su-sun is up, th-th-the music's playing.

[A few seconds of D-4456 continuing to cry.]

Dr. Errol: Um. Well. We'll have to look into that then.

Investigation by the Antimemetics Division, as well as further tests with Class-R amnestics, revealed the cause of the discrepancies. Because the songs were memetic effects of SCP-XXXX, and not legitimate memories3, they were not affected by the Class-Rs. Further investigation revealed SCP-XXXX as an anomalous entity, and it was classified an SCP object.

Addendum XXXX.2 (Deliberations Regarding Classifications and Containment): The following log is of the meeting regarding the discovery and containment of SCP-XXXX.

Summary:

To deliberate future actions regarding SCP-XXXX. These include recovery, containment, classification, and documentation of SCP-XXXX

Attendees:

Dir. Thomas Graham, Director of Site-17

Dr. Elizabeth Kierson: Research Director for SCP-XXXX

Dr. Jeremiah Cimmerian: Liaison to Foundation Ethics Committee

Agent Nguyen Liebowitz: Head of MTF Chi-17 ("Russian Winter")4

Agent Leo Harroway: Head of MTF Phi-13 ("Spooky Scary Skeletons")5

Meeting Log:

Harroway: Ayy, Guy! [Grasps Harroway's hand and shakes it.] Good to see you're still kickin'!

Liebowitz: Leo? I had no idea you were coming! Man, we-

Graham: I hate to break up this bromance, but the two of you can catch up on the good old days when we're not in an important meeting? Now- [Graham shuffles through his notes.] -ah, I gotta admit, I'm never good at starting these.

Kierson: We need to contain Michael Bublé, a.k.a. SCP-XXXX. That a good start?

Graham: Well… no. There's a few issues with doing that, actually.

Cimmerian: Yeah, so if any of you need catching up, Michael Bublé is the spirit of Christmas. Which leaves us in a pickle, since- um, Kierson, you're in charge of research on this?

Kierson: Yeah. So he's responsible for all of Christmas existing, basically. We don't know the full extent of his abilities, but we know that he only exists during December, which leaves us with the issue of having to deal with him. Apparently, everyone just forgets that he exists for the rest of the year, leaving us with a few days to find out what to do with him.

Harroway: How long has Christmas been a thing though? And isn't the guy, like, twenty-five?

Liebowitz: Dude, he's over forty.

Harroway: Seriously? Dang, that man has aged well.

Kierson: Actually, he hasn't aged at all. Turns out, he's immortal. We've got some disinformation going on right now, he's been alive for like two thousand years. But yeah, he only got into music and fame recently.

Harroway: Huh.

Kierson: I'd like to make the motion that we establish immediate containment of SCP-XXXX.

Cimmerian: Now hold on for just a sec. Bit hasty to make that call, especially considering the possible ramifications.

Graham: What are you talking about?

Cimmerian: I'm talking about his anomalous properties. If he's responsible for the concept of Christmas, as well as being a festikinesic entity. Along the sheer difficulty in containing him, considering the extent of his power, but we don't know what happens if we managed to do so. Christmas, whether or not you celebrate it, is an important part of the year, and we can't ignore the fact that containing Bublé might do something with that.

Kierson: That's part of the problem. If he's so powerful, then we should contain him. I wouldn't even be apposed to Decomming this one-

Graham: Just to be clear, you heard what he said, right? The whole situation is too precarious to risk. And Decomming? Even if you got by Bold, Jeremiah is here because the ethics folks wouldn't allow it.

Kierson: To be frank, I don't really have any love for the holiday. And I personally would rather we have a major cover-up operation than a nigh-omnipotent celebrity to deal with.

Liebowitz: I feel like you're admitting some bias here, Dr. Kierson. Just because you don't like a holiday, you want-

Kierson: Now that is jumping to serious conclusions, based off of what was clearly an off-handed remark. And you think I would actually-

Graham: Enough! Look, Eliza, you and Jeremiah both have some good points. And nobody wants an all-powerful Michael Bublé walking around completely untouched, we just need to be cautious about this.

Kierson: [Sighs.] Fine. I'm okay with this.

Graham: To be clear, we neither want nor need your permission.

Kierson: Yeah, yeah, I'm here to give you the facts. And the facts are that this is a serious security risk.

Graham: Well, glad we're all on the same page. Uh, Harroway? Anything you can tell us about the festive spirit?

Harroway: Gotta admit, the snowman was a very different can o' worms. And much smaller. I can at least tell you they kind of have this weird conceptual thing, from what I remember. You didn't see it much in 4745, but holiday magic is kind of based on what people think of that holiday.

Cimmerian: So as much as it keeps the concept alive, you're saying it still depends on human faith to exist?

Harroway: Yeah, pretty much.

Kierson: I'll look into a countermeasure based on that. Maybe it can be weakened by misinformation or something.

Graham: Noted and approved. Any issue with that, Jeremiah?

Cimmerian: Not at all. In fact, I'll run some stuff by the Decom Department. If he ever becomes a big issue, there's a good chance we'll need to put him down. But until then, can we agree that he stays uncontained? We don't want to start a holiday mess by accidentally stealing Christmas.

Graham: Yes. SCP-XXXX will be classified as an Archon-class anomaly, soon as we get all the necessary paperwork in.

Harroway: Archon?

Kierson: That was in the memo recently, wasn't it?

Graham: Yeah, object is containable but shouldn't be contained. Liebowitz, Russian Winter is in charge of keeping tabs on Bublé for now. We're gonna be getting a new task force for it as soon as we can, but until then, we need at least one unit tailing him at all times. I'm expanding your funding for the time being-

Liebowitz: Sweet.

Graham: -and Harroway, I need you to work with them on this one. See if you can cross-reference with the Halloween thing at all, and give Liebowitz your notes on the stuff.

Harroway: Oh, yeah.

Liebowitz: Just like ol' times.

[Harroway and Liebowitz high-five each other.]

Graham: Glad you two are having fun then. Very well, you all know what to do. This meeting is adjourned.

Addendum XXXX.3 (Incident XXXX-A): Within the month of December 2018, three minor assassination attempts on SCP-XXXX had been attempted and stopped by MTF Omega-24 ("Santa's Elves")6.

SCP-XXXX had been tracked to "Holly's Hovel," a café in New York, New York. Dr. Kierson and Det. Quinn Roscoe were sent to convince SCP-XXXX to return with them to Site-17. MTF Omega-24 remained on standby and patrol in the case of any possible incidents.

[Kierson and Roscoe enter café. SCP-XXXX is sitting alone in a booth near the back of the room. Kierson and Roscoe approach him.]

Roscoe: Mr Bublé?

SCP-XXXX: [Turns to face them.] Hey, what can I do for you guys?

Kierson: We need you to come with us.

SCP-XXXX:[Chuckles.] Well, I mean. Not to be rude, but um… why?

Kierson: Mr. Bublé, we're afraid that your life is in danger.

SCP-XXXX: Wait, so- Oh. You're with… Oh, I see. [He gestures to the seats on the opposite side of the table.] I know. Would you guys like to sit down and talk?

Kierson: I don't think we have time for this.

SCP-XXXX: Sure you do. Come on, have a seat.

Kierson: I'm sorry, but-

Roscoe: Sure, come on. [Whispering to Kierson]: We can't force him to come with us, we'll probably need to talk to him anyway.

[Kierson and Roscoe sit down in the booth, across from SCP-XXXX.]

SCP-XXXX: So. [Takes a sip from a glass of eggnog.] Why do you care?

Roscoe: [Looks towards Kierson, who nods.] We know about you, Mr. Bublé, and, for the sake of conserving-

SCP-XXXX: No, no, no, that is why the Foundation cares. Yes, I know about the Foundation. I've been around a while, and you guys are far less subtle than you'd like to think you are. No, I'm asking why you care.

Kierson: I don't understand.

SCP-XXXX: The Foundation cares because killing me could result in people finding out about the anomalous. I'm wondering-

Kierson: I don't care. This is my job, and I'm doing my job. Nothing less, nothing more.

SCP-XXXX: I get it. This doesn't chafe well with you, does it? I understand how that feels.

Kierson: Mr. Bublé, you don't know anything about me, and the purpose of our searching for you isn't to get an autograph and a friendly chat.

SCP-XXXX: [Rolls eyes.] Fine, fine. She'll be here soon, I'm willing to talk things over.

Roscoe: Who's "she"?

SCP-XXXX: I mean, it's kind of obvious. I represent the spirit of Christmas, all the gift-giving and the generousness and whatnot-

Kierson: How humble.

SCP-XXXX: So it only makes sense that someone would represent all the greed and the commercialism and the toxicity that people turn the holiday into.

Roscoe: Frank Sinatra!

SCP-XXXX: And that person- no, it isn't Frank Sinatra! No, the dark spirit of Christmas is-

[The doors to Holly's Hovel explode inwards, causing an immediate panic. Several figures are barely visible in the smoke.]

SCP-XXXX: Mariah Carrey.

[The first figure walks into the café, and appears to indeed be singer Mariah Carrey. She is followed by five armed soldiers.]

Carrey: Well, well, well! Glad I could finally catch you, Michael! Kill him.

[The soldiers open fire. SCP-XXXX retreats behind the counter, and pulls Kierson and Roscoe with him, who pull out pistols and return fire.]

Roscoe: You know, I said Frank Sinatra as a joke, but Mariah Carrey makes even less sense.

SCP-XXXX: Not the time!

Kierson: We need to get out of here! [Dials into phone and calls MTF Omega-24.] Davis! Mariah Carrey is hunting down the target, we need backup! [Pause.] Yes, I said Mariah Carrey! Just get over here! [Turns to SCP-XXXX.] What are you doing?

SCP-XXXX: [Pulls a cord of multi-colored lights out of his sleeve.] I'm fighting back, what do you think I'm doing?

[SCP-XXXX throws one end of the cord, which wraps around a soldier's gun. He jerks back, pulling the gun out of the soldier's hands.]

Carrey: No one has to get hurt but you, Michael! Just step out, and everyone else can-

[Carrey is interrupted by gunfire from behind her. Her soldiers turn to begin firing back at MTF Omega-24.]

SCP-XXXX: Now's our chance!

[SCP-XXXX, Roscoe, and Kierson run to a side door and escape. A Foundation vehicle pulls up next to them, and the door opens. They climb inside, and the vehicle drives away.]

Addendum XXXX.4 (Deliberations Regarding Protection of SCP-XXXX):

Summary:

To deliberate protection of SCP-XXXX from Mariah Carrey, henceforth designated SCP-XXXX-1, as well as to gather intel on both entities.

Attendees:

Dir. Thomas Graham: Director of Site-17

Dr. Elizabeth Kierson: Research Director for SCP-XXXX

Captain Clara Davis: Captain of MTF Omega-24 ("Santa's Elves")

SCP-XXXX

Meeting Log:

Graham: Alright, let's just jump into this. [Turns to SCP-XXXX.] So you represent the actual spirit of Christmas, and you're being hunted down by Mariah Carrey, because…?

SCP-XXXX: [Turns the water he was given into eggnog and takes a sip.] Alright, so. I'm sure you've all seen the Charlie Brown Christmas movie thing, right?

[Graham and Davis nod.]

SCP-XXXX: Well, basically there's two interpretations of Christmas. One is the festive, fun one, about the spirit of giving and stuff, and then there's people who see it as a big cash grab, you know? That second one is what Mariah's all about.

Davis: Question, why Mariah Carrey? I mean, she does Christmas music, but aside from that, why is she the spirit of Christmas opportunism?

SCP-XXXX: [Shrugs.] I mean, she was here before the music. In fact, I got into singing Christmas music centuries before her, then she decided there needed to be more of her tones in this. But Mariah Carrey was the dark side of Christmas before she was the modern Mariah Carrey, so it's anybody's guess as to why she does what she does.

Kierson: Except the two of you are celebrities that get a lot of money from all this. Why is she the bad guy and you're not?

SCP-XXXX: I mean hey, a guy's gotta eat! And I only started getting into money after Mariah started getting too good at what she was doing.

Addendum XXXX.5 (Discussion Between SCP-XXXX and Dr. Kierson):

Addendum XXXX.6 (Incident XXXX-B, Log 2):

Addendum XXXX.7 (Incident XXXX-B, Log 9):

Addendum XXXX.8 (Incident XXXX-B, Log 12):

Addendum XXXX.9 (Incident XXXX-B, Log 13):


Critter Credit: Grigori Karpin, Dyslexion

Image found here: https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Michael_Buble_Crazy_Love_Tour_(5432460777).jpg

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