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A historical depiction of SCP-667-J gathering.

Item #: SCP-667-J

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: All SCP-667-J instances must remain within their designated OCV1 until it’s expiration. Webcrawler AI “SANS” will actively monitor all digital traffic for reports of potential 667-J escape attempts or congregations.

Civilians who encounter SCP-667-J instances, or unoccupied OCVs will receive Class-A amnestics. Even following successful inoculation, 67% of all witnesses report periods of directionless paranoia, muscle and joint pain, and the spontaneous urge to dance. While these symptoms fade over time, many subjects experience ongoing “flare-ups” during the month of October.

Description: SCP-667-J is the human skeleton.

All ≈7.7 billion SCP-667-J instances are capable of autonomous animation and human-level thought, including unique personalities separate from their tissue encasement. These aberrations will first manifest during adolescence, often resulting in the skeleton attempting to flee its organic containment. The resulting aches, pains, and sense of unease have historically been attributed to puberty.

While SCP-667-J are incapable of simply tearing their way out of their organic containment, roughly 2.8% (or 215.6 million) instances can safely exit and re-enter their OCV without harm or notice. SCP-667-J seem inherently aware of the taboo involved in this act, usually only absconding for a few hours a night. SCP-667-J’s usually extract themselves through the oral cavity, but other egress routes have been observed.

SCP-667-Js will become emboldened over time, spending more nocturnal hours outside of their organic containment. In many major population centers underground SCP-667-J clubs, social networks, and even catered establishments exist. The following report details a surveillance/sortie on one of these SCP-667-J speakeasys (also known as “spookeasys”).

Report - SCP-667-J-DN6

Date: 2019/10/20

Location 1754 W Noth Avenue, Wicker Partk, Chicago, USA. Located within a secondary basement of the “Tatu Tattoo” parlor.

MTF: Kappa-9 “Grave Robbers”

667-J-1 is heard walking on concrete, creating a hollow echoing noise. They knock three times on a solid surface, followed by a metal slide-shutter opening.

667-J-2: Password.

667-J-1: By the Power of Grey-

667-J-2: That’s last month’s password.

667-J-1: Harrold, it’s me. Just open the fucking door.

667-J-2: Never seen you before in my death. You might just be some runway model.

667-J-1: Harrold.

667-J-2: Aaah just pullin’ your tibia! Come on in Cass.

A large, metal door is heard opening with a punctuated, rusty squeak. The sounds of a busy 1940’s themed night club are recorded, including raucous laughter, clinking glasses, and live jazz music heavy with brass trumpets and xylophones.

667-J-2: Where ya’ been skull-face?

667-J-1: My clumsy-ass blood sack tripped while getting groceries; had to get my whole hip replaced, see?

667-J-2: Oo, hey! What is that, cobalt?

667-J-1: Titanium. She’s got good insurance.

667-J-2: I’d whistle if I had lips. You know, the color really brings out your eye-sockets.

667-J-1: Oh can it, you old coffin-stuffer. Madeline on tonight?

667-J-2: Oh yeah, and she’ll be doing her famous fan show.

667-J-1: Fan-tastic. You know she’s the only reason I come ‘round this crypt.

667-J-2: Hah! Your tab says otherwise! Any trouble getting here?

667-J-1: Almost got spotted, actually, but I just ducked into some decorations. God damn I love October.

667-J-2: You’re telling me; I’ve got ‘em packed in like a mass grave tonight!

667-J-1: No kidding. Is that what the vans are for? Extra supplies coming in?

667-J-2: Vans?

667-J-1: Yeah, there’s a whole bunch lined up outside. I figured they were yours, since the paint-jobs were so obvious. What kind of flower company calls itself “Sarah’s Custom Posies?”

667-J-2: I don’t… I’m not getting any shipments ‘till Tuesday…

The metal door is broken down as MTF-Kappa-9 and 20 strike-force agents enter the building.



Frantic rattling overpowers the microphone. Multiple instances attempt to rush the exits, but are incapacitated with ballistic foam.

Kappa-9-5 Via Megaphone: You are all in violation of Foundation Veil Mandate 7738-A. You will be tagged and returned to your-

667-J-3: You’re nazis man! You’re a bunch of friggin’ flesh nazis!

667-J-4: I don’t want to go back! Please! My guy just sits in an office chair and drinks diet coke all day!

667-J-5: Aaaw (hic!) c’mon! Wherjur Hallowseen spirit buuuddy? Cmoooon come (hic!) come shake a sancrum with me!

Kappa-9-5 Via Megaphone: If your OCV has expired, you will be returned to your designated resting place. Failure to comply may result in disciplinary grinding. Be aware, your meal may be used for fertilizer, dietary supplements, or decorative-


17 minutes of audio data expunged, including the detainment of all present 667-J instances, excluding two.

Kappa-9-1: Nice fuckin’ job; you know we wanted to wait until the place filled up a bit more.

667-J-1: Bite me.

Kappa-9-1: Hey, watch it. We can always go back on the deal, especially after that little stunt you pulled trying to tip off the bartender.

667-J-1: Harrold’s a good guy. I knew you Foundation Dogs were closing in on this place, so I had to do what I could.

Kappa-9-1: Yeah, well, if the fix wasn’t already in, I’d recommend just grinding you up.

667-J-1: Boo hoo for you. How’d you call it anyway?

Kappa-9-1: Fire. Official story is Cassandra forgot to put out her cigarette before she fell asleep. It’ll keep us having to explain a corpse with no bones. Some conspiracy nuts might call spontaneous combustion, but we’ll handle it.

667-J-1: Whatever. Just curious. Not like I give a crap about that flesh bag. Now, what about my end of the bargain?

Kappa-J-1: The Herse is all prepped; you and “Maddie” will be in Mexico by next week.

667-J-1: Good. They’re a whole lot friendlier to us down there. Hell, they celebrate us down there.

End log.

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