Jesus Yums Me
rating: +1+x

Item #: SCP-5550

Object Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the widespread prevalence of Christianity, SCP-5550 cannot be contained. However the chances of SCP-5550's activation requirements being achieved are low and as thus unlikely to happen.

On 15/2/2026, "The Edwards-Francis Agreement" was passed with the Vatican government, which state that the bindings of all published Christian Bibles must contain 2ml of honey in order to prevent SCP-5550 from occurring.

As per standard Foundation protocol, unauthorized information regarding SCP-5550 and its triggers are to be removed, and amnestics are to be administered as appropriate.

Description: SCP-5550 is an anomalous phenomenon that triggers whenever a human successfully consumes an entire Christian Bible. While the subject may consume the Bible using utensils such as forks or knives, SCP-5550 will not trigger if the subject consumes a bible as well as another substance, such as condiments. When a subject consumes a Bible, an entity will manifest in front of them, referred to as SCP-5550-1.

SCP-5550-1 is a pale, emaciated entity with no orifices besides its mouth. SCP-5550-1 has no teeth, does not possess eye sockets nor eyes, and is wearing a crown of thorns. SCP-5550-1 will approach the subject and unhinge their jaw, allowing it to consume a human without difficulty. SCP-5550-1 will violently shove the subject down its throat and into its stomach, which is noted to be Non-Euclidean in nature, with its stomach being much larger than SCP-5550-1 itself. SCP-5550-1's stomach is approximately 8000 m2 in size.

Once the subject is consumed by SCP-5550-1, they will land on a wooden boardwalk which is built on a floor comprised of biological tissue of unknown composition. No gastric acid has been discovered within SCP-5550-1's stomach. Subjects are able to freely exit the stomach by pressing a large, pulsating orange sac located behind where the subject lands. This will cause the sac to spray an orange gas which, when inhaled by the subject, will render them unconscious. When the subject wakes up after approximately 2-3 hours, they will find themselves in the same place where SCP-5550-1 consumed them.

The boardwalk extends to the middle of the stomach, which contains a plaza constructed out of marble. In the center of the stomach is an entity with the same appearance as SCP-5550-1, hereafter referred to as SCP-5550-2, reading from a small, empty scroll. SCP-5550-2 will not react to anyone that enters SCP-5550-1's stomach and will not respond to physical stimuli.

Surrounding SCP-5550-2 and the plaza is twelve buildings, which all thematically revolve around SCP-5550-2. SCP-5550-1's stomach contains a:

  • Visitor's center
  • Gift shop
  • Bathroom
  • Petting zoo
  • Food court
  • Museum

The buildings are all themed around referring to SCP-5550-2 as "Jesus Christ."

The visitor's center is the first building the subject will encounter when entering SCP-5550-1's stomach. It contains a desk and a 2004 Dell desktop computer. Inside the desk are several piles of pamphlets which contain information regarding activities to do when visiting SCP-5550-1's stomach. Additionally, the pamphlets advertise being able to take a picture with SCP-5550-2 for 20 dollars per picture.

The gift shop is mostly empty but contains several SCP-5550-2 themed memorabilia, including stuffed dolls, children's books, figurines, and posters. All these products refer to SCP-5550-2 as Jesus Christ. A total of $344.44 can be found within the cash register.

The petting zoo contains five large pens presumably built to hold farm animals, but are completely empty. All plaques which would normally describe the animals in the pens have been forcefully removed.

The food court contains 40 different tables, each with five chairs. The menu describes food that can be expected from a standard fair or carnival, such as hotdogs, burgers, corn dogs, popcorn, etc. The menu describes a dairy item which resembles an ice cream cone with a scoop of vanilla and a scoop of chocolate ice cream. The vanilla scoop is shaped in a way as to resemble SCP-5550-2 and the chocolate scoop is shaped as to resemble a crown of thorns.

The museum shows Babylonian artifacts as well as several dinosaur skeletons of unknown species. All the plaques have been similarly forcefully removed, and as such further information cannot be gathered.

Large amounts of trash is scattered throughout SCP-5550-1's stomach, including half eaten burgers, discarded pamphlets, fast food wrappers, cigarette butts, candy wrappers, etc. It is theorized that the prior inhabitants of SCP-5550-1's stomach left abruptly.

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