SCP-XXXX: "Calm and Collective"
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Item #: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-XXXX is contained within a moderately furnished Standard Humanoid Containment Suite at Site-39. Feeding is to take place three times per day, and testing is currently allowed in rates of one test every two days. SCP-XXXX requires no social interactions to facilitate containment, but displays reduced lethargy and higher activity levels when given access to various non-polarising, non-opinionated media. See Document-XXXX-Kilo for a list of all confirmed XXXX-Safe texts and audiovisual recordings.

Description: SCP-XXXX is Urho Mäkinen, a 62 year-old Finnish male. The entity is both sentient and sapient, but displays little motivational drive and remains largely passive outside of ORPHIS events. SCP-XXXX is biologically normal with the exception of the cranial cavity, which is occupied by several distinct masses of living brain tissue haphazardly sutured together. DNA testing on this tissue has revealed it to be human, but with no known matches to persons living or dead.

At varying intervals, prompted by exposure to seemingly random stimuli, SCP-XXXX will undergo an ORPHIS event, in which it will shut its eyes and cease all movement for a period of between 40 minutes and 36 hours. No biological processes will occur during this time, including those normally required for basic survival, and SCP-XXXX will not respond to any external stimuli. Following such an event, SCP-XXXX will reanimate, express a short phrase or sentence, and resume ordinary activities.

Addendum.1 | Examples of ORPHIS events:

Stimulus Response
The sight of a single Granny Smith apple. ORPHIS event lasted for 40 seconds, after which SCP-XXXX stated that "fruit can be a delicious snack for many people, and is almost invariably beneficial to health when eaten in moderation". The apple was then consumed, prompting a secondary (~3 second) ORPHIS event, concluding in a criticism of the apple's sourness.
The scent of Researcher Østergaard's cologne. ORPHIS event lasted for 1 hour and 50 minutes, after which SCP-XXXX stated that the scent was perhaps slightly too strong, and that Østergaard was "certainly not unattractive by the standards of a large portion of people".
A portrait of King Frederick VIII of Denmark. ORPHIS event lasted for 9 hours, with SCP-XXXX awakening momentarily at the 2-hour mark to request literature on the Danish monarchy. This was then provided, and SCP-XXXX concluded the event by stating the following: "His participation in the Second Schleswig War was certainly an action to be strongly criticised, as it caused much unneeded bloodshed and loss of life. However, his popularity among the populace and sincere attitude to politics is to be commended, and one's position on his standing as a monarch must take into account the full details of the period". In the following months, SCP-XXXX intermittently requested further details of the history of the Nordic countries.
A recording of the song "Two Princes" by American rock band Spin Doctors. SCP-XXXX remained unmoving for 32 hours, during which time the left and right sides of their body twitched sporadically. SCP-XXXX awoke abnormally suddenly, expressing that they did not "feel qualified to comment on the musical quality of the piece", and that "the important thing in music is to have fun while doing it". They have responded neutrally to the piece since.

Addendum.2 | Incident XXXX-Foxtrot: On 1999-09-21, SCP-XXXX witnessed Researchers Fabian Embrey and Thomas Greene exchanging a hug outside of work hours. The entity subsequently underwent an abnormal ORPHIS event, during which it displayed uncontrolled spasms, occasional brief (~5 seconds) returns to consciousness, and repeated inaudible muttering. Medical staff swiftly apprehended and restrained SCP-XXXX, and observed a highly abnormal and intense sequence of brain activity localised on one individual section of tissue.

Three hours and seven minutes later, SCP-XXXX repeatedly attempted to assault nearby staff, shouting various homophobic slurs and epithets along with assertions that homosexual activity is 'unnatural and disgusting'1. SCP-XXXX then clutched its head, screamed, and fell unconscious. It awoke eighteen hours later, and requested both some manner of writing implement and suitable stationery — when these materials were provided, the following document was produced:

We apologise greatly for any distress we may have caused you. It was unintentional. He was a liability from the beginning, and we have learned not to take chances like this again. Recruitment will be more carefully examined in future.

As with all systems, ours is sadly imperfect, and we are extremely sorry you were in a position to witness its shortcomings.

Rest assured, the individual responsible has been removed from the committee.

~ Urho Mäkinen, Urho Mäkinen, Urho Mäkinen, Urho Mäkinen, Urho Mäkinen, et al.

Each signature appeared to have been written in a different hand.

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