Blood Sweat And Glitter (rewrite)
Dr. Cornelius Everett Wondertainment sat on a boat in a stagnant pool, hunched under an umbrella of his own devising. It was quite honestly a thing to behold; a perfectly transparent cone floating half a metre or so above his head, catching the raindrops and accelerating them before forcing them into a slight curve that sent them flying skyward once more. A miniature fountain, giving off a slight white glow that cast rainbows in all directions. He'd planned to hand them out free of charge, for visitors and citizens to use on rainy days. A little taste of Wonder to keep spirits high in the face of the depressingly capricious Bostonian weather. Not that there were any spirits to keep high.
He'd pored over the reports enough to know the figures off by heart. Expected № visitors on day one: 8,000. Actual: 1,850. Average № expected visitors per day for the following month: 4,000. Actual: 130. Expected № permanent residents after six months: 35,000. Actual: somewhere in the region of 50, including himself, a dozen remaining staff members, and a lot of squatters who were still in the process of breaking the wrecks down for parts. He'd given up trying to chase them off after a while. There didn't seem much point.
He leaned back in the boat and looked to the sky, modulating the UmBrilliant to allow a faint patter of raindrops to fall around him. Somewhere in (an ill-defined spatial direction approximating) the distance, a car alarm sounded, poking through the extradimensional fabric like a soft, auditory knife. Cornelius let out a sigh, deep and heartfelt, and tried to make himself comfortable on the deck. Above him a poster, finally torn loose by the storm, caught on the mast. As he let his eyes unfocus and his thoughts wander, he was reminded of the fact that he'd never been able to have the images move like he wanted. One more failure to add to his monumental checklist. Probably for the best that he hadn't spent all that money, really, given how things panned out in the end. Would've been nice. Pricey, but nice. J. K. Rowling was a hell of a negotiator.
COME ONE, COME ALL, TO…
WONDER WORLD!™
It's SENSATIONAL!
It's INSPIRATIONAL!
It's a ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE
and it can last FOR A LIFETIME!
Grand Opening FRIDAY 12th JUNE, 19##
When he awoke, the rain had stopped, and the place's approximation of a sky was caught flickering somewhere between sunrise and midday. The horizon was streaked with great orange-red blotches, erased in great square chunks by pale, cloud-speckled blue, and the two suns pulsed in and out of existence as the algorithms competed for aerial supremacy. Cornelius rubbed his eyes and sat up, wincing as he grazed the tender flesh around his jaw. The rust was getting worse and worse each day.
With shaking hands, he pulls himself over the edge of the boat and onto the platform, straightens his hat and tie, and sets off. Still shaking off the effects of an unexpected night's sleep spent sprawled on an abandoned theme park ride, he staggers from building to building, down alleyways and high-streets, not one of them populated by anything more human than a promotional billboard or an empty can of cola.
"It could have been so good", he whispers, more to the city than to himself. "It could have been amazing. A whole city, a whole magical, beautiful, wonderful city. People should have flocked here from across the globe. I'm not one to toot my own horn", he lies, "but it should have been a utopia."
He turns down a cobbled lane lined with the glass-fronted holes made for businesses that never came. In some of them the glass was still unbroken, and bare mannequins watched in silent judgement as he passed.
"It's not my fault. It can't have been my fault. I did everything I could have. I put months… years of my life into this. Decades, even. It's not fair. It's not right."
Of course it wasn't right. When had anything ever gone right for him? He hadn't asked for the company. When his uncle (Cousin? He wasn't actually sure. They'd never been close) had died, he'd just been desperate for a job. He thought they made sweets or something, which wasn't too far from the truth. Still, though.
Cornelius catches sight of his reflection in a shop window and shudders. What little of his face remains un-bandaged isn't pleasant to look at.
Still, though, he certainly hadn't asked for this.
10:00 PM <&MaliceAF> DarkStuff: it's gonna be the replacement Blood Sweat and Glitter
10:01 PM <&DarkStuff> Oooh gotcha
10:01 PM <&MaliceAF> I've got it all planned out in my head except for the beginning
10:01 PM <&DarkStuff> So could you give me a plot outline for the whole thang?
10:01 PM <&MaliceAF> and I find it really difficult to jump into tales midway through
10:01 PM <&MaliceAF> okay so basically, for this tale
10:03 PM <&MaliceAF> Cornelius is in wonder world. We receive symbolism and imagery in how it's run down and abandoned, and references to both your canon and old Wondertainment scips like the logistics truck. He makes his way through the empty streets to a tower block, which contains an animatronic receptionist; they don't recognise him, and attempt to prevent him heading up
10:03 PM <&MaliceAF> He pretty quickly forcibly disables them, and heads up to his old office, noting that the place has been looted along the way
10:03 PM <&DarkStuff> So this is already after Wonder World launched and failed
10:04 PM <&MaliceAF> yeah
10:04 PM <&MaliceAF> old!timeline
10:04 PM <&DarkStuff> Okay. I think Cornelius should be on an unmoving ride first
10:04 PM <&MaliceAF> he enters his study, and pulls back some curtains to reveal some unmoving figures standing in front of a wall of indescribably surreal wonderstuff
10:05 PM <&MaliceAF> he taps each one, awakening them, and confirms their identities. Chester Williams, Maria Herring, et al
10:06 PM <&MaliceAF> one by one, he pushes them gently through the wall
10:06 PM <&DarkStuff> Ahhh. Characters he's made
10:06 PM <&MaliceAF> yep
10:06 PM <&DarkStuff> That are gonna make the new timeline happen
10:06 PM <&MaliceAF> yep
10:06 PM <&MaliceAF> eventually, he takes one last look out of the window, over the decaying ruins, closes his eyes, and falls backwards
10:06 PM <&DarkStuff> That's rad
10:08 PM <&DarkStuff> Okay so I like all these ideas
10:08 PM <&DarkStuff> You want a reason for him to be outside his "office", wandering Wonder World
10:09 PM <&MaliceAF> yeah
10:09 PM <&MaliceAF> or at least, a good way to start that scene
10:10 PM <&MaliceAF> without ending up writing a long, dull, meandering, section
10:10 PM <&MaliceAF> which I've done twice
10:10 PM <&DarkStuff> Hmm. Alright, so
10:10 PM <&DarkStuff> I'm sticking to my idea, that I like him starting by sitting on a ride
10:10 PM <&DarkStuff> That's not, like, functional, y'know?
10:11 PM <&DarkStuff> I like that idea. He's sad, he's found a place to sit and overlook this sprawling cityscape… with no one in it
10:11 PM <&MaliceAF> a merry-go-round, maybe
10:11 PM <&DarkStuff> Maybe
10:11 PM <&DarkStuff> Whatever you want really
10:11 PM — &MaliceAF nods
10:12 PM <&DarkStuff> If you wanted motion, you could have him be on a water ride where the currents aren't gonna stop as long as there's water in it
10:12 PM <&DarkStuff> It's just not manned or none of the lights are turning on or whatever
10:12 PM <&DarkStuff> That could make you feel more action oriented
10:12 PM <&DarkStuff> Anyways, that's just an image I like
10:12 PM <&DarkStuff> And then we have him walking back to his Wonder Tower
10:13 PM <&DarkStuff> Which /is/ going to be meandering. I don't think there's two ways about it. It's not like he's getting chased by anyone. The only way to avoid this would be to cut the walking back scene entirely
10:13 PM <&MaliceAF> yeah…
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> If I were to write it though, I wouldn't. I would have him look upon several different creations that just didn't get off the ground, perhaps remember his inspiration for them, probably lots of musing: "But no one wants bubblegum from the company that made blood bubbles."
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> Remembering its opening day
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> The meager crowd
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> What they did and didn't like
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> How no one came back
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> The thing is, the walking back scene won't be about him /walking back/, it would be a framing device for his thoughts
10:14 PM <&DarkStuff> And as long as you can make his thoughts interesting, well… that's your whole tale right there
10:15 PM — &MaliceAF nods
10:15 PM <&MaliceAF> yeah, that'll work
10:15 PM <&MaliceAF> thanks
10:15 PM <&DarkStuff> No problemo
10:16 PM <&DarkStuff> MaliceAF: I'd love if Cornelius thinks of the new timeline as a story he wants to tell
10:16 PM <&DarkStuff> I'd love if the scene in his study has passing mentions of sketches of character designs for Maria and Chester
10:16 PM <&DarkStuff> (Or others)
10:17 PM <&MaliceAF> oooh, that'd be good buildup
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> MaliceAF: Also, no fuckin' clue how you make this happen
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> But I just had an idea for why he has to do it like this
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> No clue how you could write this into your story*
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> But, Cornelius is making a new timeline. He can't craft every single point in the timeline
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> That's god-level shit
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> He can't do that
10:19 PM <&DarkStuff> He can only set things up to get executed
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> So, he needs a way to make absolutely certain that things happen the way he wants. So, how do you make a timeline?
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> Well
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> How do you make a line?
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> With two points
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> Point 1:
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> Chester and Maria meet in Boston, Chester wants to start a toy business and Maria is a magical woman
10:20 PM <&DarkStuff> Point 2:
10:21 PM <&DarkStuff> Holly Light becomes Dr. Wondertainment, following the death of Cornelius
10:21 PM <&DarkStuff> As long as he can make sure that these two points /do happen/
10:21 PM <&DarkStuff> Then the rest of the timeline will fill out
10:22 PM <&DarkStuff> So his first order of business is making Maria and Chester. That's your scene in the study, pushing them into the wall. He has assured their point
10:23 PM <&DarkStuff> The second one requires him to die, and for Holly to take over his place. So, first, he must die. And second, after his death, somebody (or Nobody, more like) must get Holly Light to come up to Wonder Tower where she can take place as Wondertainment
10:25 PM <&MaliceAF> that
10:25 PM <&MaliceAF> is a stellar idea
10:26 PM <&DarkStuff> :D Thank you
10:26 PM <&DarkStuff> MaliceAF: And that means that in the last bit of Blood Sweat & Glitter, we could have another character design he glances over:
10:27 PM <&DarkStuff> Holly Light's
10:27 PM <&DarkStuff> "Oh, niece. You're part two. Let's hope Nobody takes you home."
10:27 PM <&DarkStuff> That was a very poorly written line on my part
10:27 PM <&DarkStuff> But something like that ish
10:27 PM <&MaliceAF> 👍
10:27 PM <&MaliceAF> maybe not a character design; it'd be better if she was already real, I think
10:28 PM <&MaliceAF> 'cause that way there'd be that motivation of genuine affection, too
10:28 PM <&DarkStuff> Well yes, but he's making her Wonder World counterpart. Real life her is a little girl at the time, I believe
10:28 PM <&MaliceAF> tru
10:28 PM <&DarkStuff> And probably doesn't have Wondrously round eyes and white hair
10:29 PM <&MaliceAF> maybe he's got a crayon drawing of him (dressed in full wondertainment regalia) and her (with the wondrous aspects, basically her OC) pinned above his desk…
10:30 PM <&DarkStuff> I trust you to play with it :3
10:30 PM <&DarkStuff> Now I will respectfully back away
10:30 PM <&DarkStuff> Back behind my "just an observer" line
10:30 PM <&MaliceAF> thanks for the help, man