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When I was a child, I dreamed of becoming a hero. To be the one who saves someone where they'll get to see their loved one's faces again. To be the one where when I die, I won't be forgotten.

Which is why after I graduated from Melbourne University, I joined the MCF. To try and become that person. For the first time, I felt like I accomplished that, and when things went wrong, I had to step in to decide what actions should be taken. I was berated and mocked by the people who've I failed to help and there were times when I felt like resigning. My heart told me not to do that and pursue my dream.

I listened, and now that I'm writing this, I realized that was a mistake.

I no longer feel like I am working for the organization who's goal was to rid the world of famine, poverty and armed conflict. I feel like I'm working for the GOC a place, full of rage and anger to it's enemies. It has forgotten its goal and have now become the thing it swore to rid. The people who've ridiculed us was right; the world would be better off without the MCF and I stayed long enough to see that.

I feel dead inside, sick to my stomach. I don't even know why I am even writing this useless note, like what, it's going to magically make the MCF better and get rid of the problems and make my happy? Nobody will read this. Fucking nobody.

Right after Sarah blocked me on the internet The moment I see Sarah's face, I'm going to try and talk her out of it.

And if it doesn't work, well, I'm going to leave this place like I should've done a long time ago. I don't know where to go, who I am anymore what my future awaits or if there even is one. What I do know, however, is that it's better than the alternative.
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