oho an essay from a noob?

Welcome dear reader! I am Scottyhoff, and you are reading this because you want to learn how to cut down on overly wordy sentences. How wordy is too wordy,and what does wordy even mean?

well that first question is subjective but in my own personal opinion I would say that a sentence is too wordy when any of the following criteria are met.

  • the sentence in question has too many overly long words with many syllables when fewer words would suffice to convey the idea being presented
  • the sentence has words like pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis or Thyroparathyroidectomized (really words with more than like 18 letters are a bit iffy)
  • the sentence has words that while make sense grammatically don't add anything to the piece
  • The sentence in question has too many words and improper punctuation to the point where a majority of people would consider it to be a run-on sentence.1

As for the second you might be thinking "but Scotty my good chap aren't those the same thing?" well no not at all2 in fact sometimes wordy is good sometimes to describe something adequately you need to be wordy, but ill come back to that later.
"Wordy" really just means using a lot of words which in and of itself is not a bad thing, however wordy can quickly become "drowning in words", especially when you use too many words to describe a simple object.

Well then now that that's out of the way let us move onto a couple of examples, lets see if you can pick out the useless words.

Example the first

SCP-XXX is a red apple approx. 2.3 meters in diameter it has been described by Site-X staff as
"Huge" and "Massive". When any living organism comes into contact with SCP-XXXX they are
instantaneously transformed into an amount of apple seeds equivalent to the weight
of said organism. the apples grown from these seeds have been described as "meaty" and "rich"
by staff at Site-X

Were you able to figure it out? if not the answer is in the collapsible below with the unnecessary words removed.

If you still don't get exactly why these changes were made there is a line-by-line breakdown of all three examples at the bottom of the page.

The next two examples will be actual excerpts from articles

Example the second-excerpt from SCP-682 by Dr Gears

SCP-682 is a large, vaguely reptile-like creature of unknown origin. It appears to be extremely intelligent, and was observed to engage in complex communication with SCP-079 during their limited time of exposure. SCP-682 appears to have a hatred of all life, which has been expressed in several interviews during containment. (See Addendum 682-B).
SCP-682 has always been observed to have extremely high strength, speed, and reflexes, though exact levels vary with its form.

answer below

Alright folks only one left

Example the third. Excerpt from SCP-5000 by Tanhony

Although SCP-5000 is believed to have once possessed a number of anomalous functions intended to protect and benefit its occupant, damage inflicted to it in the past means that it is currently only capable of basic file storage. For a record of files contained within SCP-5000 upon recovery, see Archive 5000-1.

SCP-5000 first appeared in a flash of light within SCP-579's containment chamber at Site-62C on 12/04/2020, containing a corpse1 genetically identical to Foundation employee Pietro Wilson. Pietro Wilson is currently employed at Exclusionary Site-062, and mnestic therapy has confirmed he has no knowledge of SCP-5000 or memories concerning the events detailed within its archives.

Once again if you couldn't figure it out the solution is below

that's all for the excerpts folks no I have a few closing words.

This has been fun to write and I do hope that this essay has helped those of you who had an issue with over wordiness. As for why I chose the excerpts I did, it was mostly to show that even popular articles have mistakes that can affect the overall quality of the piece. There are also a couple of bonus examples of over wordiness, see if you can find them!

Continue reading for a line-by-line breakdown of why I made the changes I did in each example. (they all were of course my own opinion and it is perfectly fine if you disagree.)

The Apple

SCP-682 by Dr Gears

SCP-5000 by Tanhony

And that's it my friends I hope you learned something or this has helped you improve, thank you all for reading and goodbye.


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