Peppermill Yessiree Bob

DO NOT report any of the following:

  • Crypids and magical creatures extant in folklore or mythology. All such entities are nonexistent, contained, or under investigated.
  • Deities corresponding to those seen in mainstream religions. All such entities are nonexistent, contained, or under investigation.
  • Bees. The anomalous attributes of anthophilic insects have been extensively documented.
    • EXCEPTION: Instances exceeding 3.5 meters in height should be reported immediately.

DO report all of the following:

  • Ghosts, hauntings, and spectral apparitions. Over 90% of reported spectral phenomena have been directly linked to anomalous activity, even in instances when the phenomenon is not actually spectral in nature.
  • Any alleged 'personnel' from any of the following:
    • 'The Department of Pataphysics.' Such a department does not exist. If you encounter any individual claiming to belong to such a department, report the incident to a supervisor and perform REAL protocol to determine whether or not you are in a narrative construct.1
    • 'The Department of Antimemetics.' Such a department does not exist. In the event such a department does exist, you should already know what to do.
    • 'The Department of Thaumaturgy.' If their credentials are confirmed, you may have been displaced into a divergent timeline. Please refer to the Mandela Checklist on the Foundation Intranet to verify your native timeline.
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