Pepper Does Crit Sometimes II

First off: that flag is tight as hell, and a great tone-setter for the opening. I'd just suggest upping the brightness slightly on the red so that it has more contrast with the background.

(A) SCP-4000 can no longer be contained without a XE-"Lifted Veil" scenario,

Should be "an XE", since it's pronounced as a vowel. Per Purdue: "The choice of article is based upon the phonetic (sound) quality of the first letter in a word, not on the orthographic (written) representation of the letter."

If a SCP-4000 military operation

Same as above.

Nuclear Weaponry is to be launched inside SCP-4000's main capital,

Don't think "Weaponry" needs to be capitalized here, since "nuclear weaponry" is too broad a category to be deserving of proper noun status imo.

If possible, the weaponry should be lower in yield than the nuclear weaponry dropped on Hiroshima and Nagasaki,

This seems… imprecise, I guess? Like, it's weird that they would essentially use Hiroshima as a unit of measurement.

Various mind altering SCP objects

I'd hyphenate "mind-altering".

Human history is to be rewritten around the fact that Oceania (Australia, New Zealand, Polynesia, and, depending on the extent of SCP-4000's former influence, Japan, China, India and possibly most of Asia).

This sentence doesn't end properly.

Overall, the new Black Lily opening definitely kicks this up to epic proportions. Feels very X000 to me.

The following documents have been ordered sequentially in the order that they were written:
Diary Entries

"Diary Entries" is redundant here.

She wore flesh like things on her body,

Think this should be "flesh-like".

A scout team has arrived at our camp, 4 men dead and 3 more injured.

May want to say "returned to our camp", to imply that this is their scout team and not the natives'.

Their bullets did nothing to puncture to the bone shields.

Think something went janky with the phrasing here.

It was almost like liquid. Liquid metal.

I prolly should have pointed this out earlier, but it's not entirely clear what's being compared to "liquid metal" here, or why.

Most of our men died by being crushed and ripped apart, others killed by the flesh itself

The phrasing here is a little confusing, since it doesn't articulate how being killed by the flesh is different from being crushed or ripped apart.

I can still hear the screams as some of the men were being consumed inside the mass of flesh, as muffled as they were.

This is a really important line, so I'll nitpick that it could be reduced even further: "I can still hear the screams as those men were consumed inside the mass of flesh, as muffled as they were."

Overall this is still a long-ish paragraph, but it's fine since it's now the exception rather than the rule.

I shot him in the head and he collapses to the ground without a single yelp or whimper of pain.

"Collapses" breaks the past tense you're using for this scene.

Some ran in fear, others too fearful to run, of which we captured and took back to camp.

Consider, "Some ran in fear. Others, too fearful to run, we captured and took back to camp."

The chieftain, in response to seeing that outsiders appeared on the island, ordered the entire tribe to the main village and to help make a beast.

Consider, "ordered the entire tribe to group in the main village and help construct a guardian."

The anthropologist man took me aside.

"Anthropologist man" is a rather weird pet name. Holdover from "yellow man", perhaps?

who told them to please wait before jumping to conclusions about their new guests.

Consider, "who graciously suggested they wait before jumping…"

The majority followed The Elder, the sacred group who had,

The Elder is a group? Shouldn't it be Elders, then?

They mostly subsite on meat,

Think you meant "subsist".

I asked some others if there was a village elder. They said there was, but all of them were slaughtered by the chieftain.

Again, there's an unaddressed disparity between the number elders. Perhaps, "They said there were once many, but all of them were slaughtered by the chieftain."

He mastered the arts of fleshing crafting at an early age,

Think you meant "crafting flesh".

I asked if there was anyone else who could give me the history of these people, and there was one last remaining elder, who was the chieftain's father.

Consider, "I asked if there was anyone else who could give me the history of these people. There was one last remaining elder: the chieftain's father."

I knew this was my moment to make good with the natives here, as I told them that we had a large supply of food on our ships, and that, if they needed to, we would provide them with as much food as possible."

Consider, "Seeing an opportunity to make right with the community, I told them….

As an aside, I just noticed that the entry where he learns Ohashi's name has been cut out. I'd suggest slipping that back in somewhere, since it's a nice character moment for both of them, and explains why he suddenly switched from calling him "the yellow man".

threatened Kaavar with death and destruction if they did no surrender himself

Should be "did not".

So, my general issue on the backstory is that it doesn't really have much weight to it if you're not familiar with Sarkic lore. However, I base this assumption purely on the fact that I'm not very familiar with Sarkic lore and I didn't get much out of it. It's a story-within-the-story-within-the-story (elders' tale inside diary inside SCP article), so it feels two degrees removed from the action and therefore doesn't really carry any dramatic tension.

However, I feel like this section could easily work well for readers' with different tastes from mine, so I'd shop it around s'more.

We have developed our Capital city around the village.

Consider "established our capital".

Swine is an excellent dish, but not something civilized people should feed on.

It'd be more natural to say "pork" here, wouldn't it? Or does 'swine' not refer to pigs in this case? Also, is this line a reference to kosher rules?

"One of my men Henry discovered gold and diamonds. We will need workers soon."

This is a pretty big deal, and probably warrants more than a single, abrupt line at the end of an entry.

I asked The Elder about a hypothetical possibility.

Consider "asked the Elder a hypothetical question."

leaving out references to competition,

Needs capitalization.

I pray to a God whose turned his back on me.

Should either be "who has turned his back on me" or "whose back is turned on me".

This whole "let's bury the children!" development is A+, btw.

THen they began to attack my men.

Caps typo

This further enhanced the violence.

I'd use a word other than "enhance".

The diary entries end on a really strong note. I dig the story being told here a lot.

It's rather confusing after the diaries, though—how did things shift from 4000 getting conquered to being super militaristic?

For all the time spend discussing anomalous warfare, there's not much in the way of actually describing it. I would think that weaponized Sarkicism would be really interesting to read about, but the timeline overlooks such things entirely.

Oh, wait, no, we've got a mention of flesh boats. That's nice. Still wish there was more, though. I'm finding a lot of the political back-and-forth to be rather skimworthy. It reads very much like a real historical timeline—to a fault, imo. History books can get away with being dry by virtue of being true.

Reports of a disheveled looking man was found roaming a small island north of the main island.

The phrasing here implies that reports were roaming a small island. Should be "Reports are received of a disheveled…" or "A disheveled-looking man was reportedly found roaming…"

By the way, do you ever specify who the -2s are supposed to be? I can't find it…

The following is a series of excerpts from interview of current day SCP-4000.

Did you mean "interviews of current day SCP-4000-1"?

we many of the farmers out here don't them,

Not sure if this is due to the character's poor English or if something went wrong.

The interviews are fascinating thanks to contrast between the past and present, knowing how things were and how they've changed.

OVERALL—This is a really really really awesome and ambitious project, and I think you're getting into the final stretch of realizing its full potential. I think the next thing to focus on will be bridging the gap between the POI collapsible and the rest of the article. The diary entries allow the reader to see this place close up and get invested in what's going on, so it's quite jarring when things suddenly start changing without a clear process of thought/motivation for those changes.

Choosing to show how an anomalous society has evolved over the past century-and-a-half is a truly inspired direction. I love a lot of the content that you already have, and I think if you can fill in some of the points between A and B, this could be a knockout article.

Oh, one last thing—I could have overlooked something, but is it implied anywhere that there were multiple Japanese members on the crew, or are we to assume that Ohashi really got busy?

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