The Meaning of, And All Things Regarding Mr. E
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Victorian_Civil_Courtroom%2C_National_Justice_Museum%2C_June_2010.jpg

SCP-XXXX, during a recess.

Item Number: SCP-XXXX

Clearance Level: Four

Containment Class: Euclid

Special Containment Procedures: Foundation cooperation with GoI-2718 (Jackson & Sons) is necessary to facilitate the containment of SCP-XXXX. Primary attorneys from GoI-2718 are to assist SCP-XXXX-1 in the containment of SCP-XXXX-2, and are to ensure that the current case continues indefinitely.

SCP-XXXX-1 is to receive sufficient living quarters, food, and extra, tentative supplies on a case-by-case basis. If SCP-XXXX-1 is incapacitated, or is in any way unfit to perform legal counsel, Foundation legal experts are to fulfill its role instead. SCP-XXXX-2 is currently in a weakened state due to SCP-XXXX's effects. SCP-XXXX-2, thus, must not be allowed to leave SCP-XXXX.

SCP-XXXX-2 must not win its case. Foundation personnel are to prevent this outcome by any means necessary.

Description: SCP-XXXX refers to a jurohazardous series of events occurring within an extraspatial courthouse, accessed via the abilities of SCP-XXXX-1. The rooms of SCP-XXXX appear similar to a Victorian civil court — however, proceedings function similar to that of a United States federal court, though at a very basic level — cross examination, witness calling, and deliberation periods are all present, though in a differing structure to that of any courtroom system in recorded history.

SCP-XXXX functions as a pseudo-nullification field, similar to OBELISK systems in operation by the Foundation, in that it selectively negates certain anomalous properties1 of entities being prosecuted in proceedings of SCP-XXXX. Furthermore, SCP-XXXX's properties prevent the injury or death of any participating entities; aging is stopped entirely, and actions that would typically cause harm have no effect on entities within its confines.

floorplan

A map of SCP-XXXX.

SCP-XXXX is currently inhabited by 179 humanoid entities of varying species and appearances, and has been for approximately 21 years. The origin of these species are unknown; most function as spectators in the courtroom galley, witneses, bailiffs, stenographers, assistants and other minor roles in a court of law. The entities that fulfill these roles will change each day — some may be spectators, then bailiffs the next day, and so on. However, the entities which fill the roles of the jury members, judge, defendant, defense attorney, and prosecutor are fixed, and do not change.

SCP-XXXX-1, the prosecution, is Cyril Jackson, founder of GoI-2718. SCP-XXXX-1 displays minor spatially manipulative abilities within SCP-XXXX's confines, which it uses to send witnesses, assistants, and Foundation personnel to and from SCP-XXXX. SCP-XXXX-1's abilities are the sole method of traveling to and from SCP-XXXX, aside from the current case reaching a verdict. SCP-XXXX-1 is currently prosecuting SCP-XXXX-2, and has been for as long as SCP-XXXX's current case has been in session — 21 years.

SCP-XXXX-2 is an extraspatial, extratemporal, reality-bending entity that currently manifests as "Benjamin Matlock", a fictional character portrayed by American actor Andy Griffiths (1926-2012), from the television legal drama Matlock. Thermal imaging has shown SCP-XXXX-2's true form to be dendritic, insectoid, and plant-like in nature, though when viewed with the naked eye, SCP-XXXX-2 is an exact replica of Griffiths' character during Matlock's 4th season.

SCP-XXXX-2, which refers to itself as a Mr. "Jeremiah Eykes," if allowed to travel out of SCP-XXXX's confines, is capable of and willing to perform a CK-class "Reality Restructuring" scenario. SCP-XXXX-2 is currently being prosecuted by SCP-XXXX-1 for 371 assorted charges, including murder, attempt to commit murder, assault, illegal seizure of assets, and tax evasion.

ADDENDUM 0.1 - DISCOVERY


SCP-XXXX was discovered following Foundation legal staff being spontaneously transported to SCP-XXXX via SCP-XXXX-1's abilities, to serve as legal counsel. Due to personnel lacking proper recording equipment, a request was made to SCP-XXXX-1 to acquire this equipment, which SCP-XXXX-1 agreed to. Following emergency approval of exploration, Foundation researcher Emile Gregory was sent to examine proceedings within SCP-XXXX.


ADDENDUM 0.2 - INITIAL EXPLORATION



<BEGIN LOG>

[Gregory manifests, sitting in a chair next to SCP-XXXX-1. Gregory looks around quickly, before pulling out his briefcase, and resting it on the prosecution's table with a loud slam. The spectators let out an uproar as the judge bangs its gavel, calling for order.]

XXXX-1: Finally. Took you long enough. Get out your consulting papers - I've called for you in media res, as the Persians used to say.

Judge: I should've called a recess. [The judge, serpentine in appearance, strokes its neck frill with its tail.] But, now that you're here, prosecutor's help, let us get started.

Gregory: Uh, sure. [Gregory looks around in his briefcase, retrieving a pen and a small camera.]

XXXX-1: [whispering] Hide that damn thing. These folks are sticklers for the rules.

XXXX-2: I assure you, in my capacity here as a lawyer, I did not commit tax fraud. Nor evasion. Listen to me, new guy — I'm innocent. I swear man, I'm telling you.

Judge: The defendant will be quiet. Cross-examination is about to begin. The prosecution may call its 76th witness.

XXXX-1: Thank you, your Honor. We'd like to call Vilious to the stand.

[A humanoid figure in a worn, gray cloak walks up to the stand, and places a hand on the bailiff's hand. The two perform a handshake as the figure performs an oath, in a static, monotone voice.]

Vilious: Repeat. I solemnly swear to tell the truth, only the truth and nothing but the truth, so help me omnipotent figure or figures. Repeat over.

[The entity then takes the stand. SCP-XXXX-1 walks over to the stand, resting his right arm on it, gesturing to various members of SCP-XXXX as he talks.]

XXXX-1: So, Vilious. Please tell us what you saw on that day.

Vilious: Repeat. Ocular sensors detected suspicious activity on the outskirts of my store. Repeat over.

XXXX-1: What kind of store do you run, Mx. Vilious? What kind of activity?

Vilious: Repeat. I run a family outing location. Or, ran, rather. The time I have spent in here suggests that it is no longer existent. But to the crimes. Loitering. Smoking lunardust cigars. Littering. Activity banned in our sector, and some that would definitely drive down my revenue. I could not let such a heinous crime go unpunished. Repeat over.

[The jury gasps as each crime is said.]

XXXX-1: [Grinning] Yes, yes. Heinous indeed, Mx. Vilious. Now, could you identify the perpetrator, if they are in this very room?

Vilious: Error. Lack of suff— prevents me — [The entity then looks at SCP-XXXX-1, who nods in SCP-XXXX-2's direction and taps his belt buckle.] Er. Yes. That… thing. [The entity points at SCP-XXXX-2 with two metallic digits.] Repeat over.

[The jury gasps. SCP-XXXX-2 holds its hands up, gesturing for everyone to stop or slow down. It then turns to the judge, speaking softly.]

XXXX-2: Your honor, I-I-I'd like to cross-examine the witness here.

Judge: By all means, I say go ahead. It is only fair.

[SCP-XXXX-2 slowly walks up to the stand as SCP-XXXX-1 walks back, grinning. SCP-XXXX-2 purposefully avoids eye contact, before talking to the entity at the stand.]

XXXX-2: Mx. Vilious. I do want to ask you but one thing.

Vilious: Affirmative.

XXXX-2: Can you confirm it was me? I know there are certainly other equally ravishing extra-whatever entities around this universe, at least seven in this galaxy alone, so I do wish to ask. Do you have video evidence? Audio? Perhaps a photo?

Vilious: Negatory.

XXXX-2: Certainly, that's not the least bit concerning to any members of the jury? This is ridiculous, is it not? You started on crimes that actually made sense, but now have migrated to this… petty thievery? You could prosecute a little baby on any of this.

[As SCP-XXXX-2 continues to talk to the jury, SCP-XXXX-1 turns to Res. Gregory, whispering.]

XXXX-1: For such an asshole, he's got a damn good legal mind.

Gregory: Pardon me, but this stuff does seem fairly elementary—

XXXX-1: Yeah, and where'd you dredge that idea up? 12 Angry Men? We're dealing with what we in the anomalawyer department call a "special case." This one is extra special for me, because I've been stuck here for god knows how long trying to keep this thing inside.

Gregory: Certainly a… noble pursuit. You don't miss anything, do you?

[SCP-XXXX-1 stifles a laugh.]

XXXX-1: Miss? What is there to miss? This is the easiest case I've ever worked in my life, and I get to look just as hot doing it. My family's a bunch of incompetent chumps. I'm a single man, divorced a long time ago, and my firms are doing just fine. I bring in a rep every now and then for updates. And nobility, oh god, don't even get me started.

Gregory: Then— well, why are you asking us to help?

XXXX-1: Look. One gets into law because they believe in these hoity-toity ideals. You very, very quickly learn to drop them. That's it. Nobility, fairness, methodicalness. Drop it all, easily by your second or third year, after you're through the paralegal or deskwork grind.

[SCP-XXXX-1 sighs.]

XXXX-1: I've brought you in, because quite frankly, I'm running out of ideas.

Gregory: [Slowly] Ideas for…

XXXX-1: Things to prosecute this little shit on. Everyone who's here knows what's up, but it's not as if we can keep, er, finding crimes, no matter how small they are, that E's done forever.

[XXXX-1 looks to XXXX-2, who is speaking to the jury, none of whom are looking at it.]

XXXX-1: Granted, this… slowness is a bit nice. A good distraction from the constant hubbub that seems to find its way into here. I don't mind it as much. But I'm still tired of this all. So, so tired. So call it whatever you want.

<END LOG>


ADDENDUM 0.3 - MURDER


Two weeks after initial establishment of Foundation containment procedures, a member of SCP-XXXX's rotating roles, Vilious, was not present for proceedings. A search of SCP-XXXX returned no conclusive results. Following proceedings, during which another member substituted for Vilious' role as a bailiff, a loud crack was heard from the bathroom of the jury room.

Upon entry of the room, the body of Vilious was found inside a large wardrobe, which had tipped over. Death was tentatively ruled as premeditated, and cause of death was determined to be instantaneous via trauma to the neck.

Proceedings immediately shifted to prosecution of SCP-XXXX-2 for Vilious' murder.


ADDENDUM 0.4 - INVESTIGATION


Following Vilious' murder, a day for investigation was permitted by the judge at the time. SCP-XXXX-1 requested Foundation assistance with backup. Due to familiarity with SCP-XXXX's layout, Researcher Gregory was permitted to assist SCP-XXXX-1 with investigation, while wearing recording equipment.

<BEGIN LOG>

Gregory: What's unclear to me is how exactly this occurred — from what we can tell, you can't be injured here.

XXXX-1: Or so it may seem.

Gregory: Are you suggesting?

XXXX-1: I'm not suggesting anything yet. Don't get all twisted up. Just keep an open mind about this sort of thing.

Gregory: Understood. Where do we start?

XXXX-1: Where else? Where it happened.

Gregory: Ah. Logical.

XXXX-1: No shit kid, I said it.

Gregory: I'm your age.

XXXX-1: Thanks for the compliment. My exfoliation routine's been pretty alright here. Stayed in the bathroom for awhile before daily proceedings, spending an hour, maybe two.

Gregory: You get that stuff in here?

XXXX-1: We're not savages, Gregory.

Gregory: Alright, alright. What're we looking at first?

XXXX-1: As I already said — the dead body. Stop getting your twizzlers in a tizzy, capische?

Gregory: Stop talking like fucking Columbo.

XXXX-1: I'm always getting you angry, it must be my accent or something.

Gregory: We have the same accent, sir.

XXXX-1: No, it's— It's a reference— you know what, forget it.

Gregory: Alright, alright. So who's first on the list?

XXXX-1: The judge. Name's Lennon. Nice fellow.

Gregory: You know, what makes you think it's him?

XXXX-1: You'll see.

Gregory: If you say so.

[The two enter the judge's chambers. Lennon uses its tail to remove its glasses, which it then polishes with its tongue and toupee.]

Lennon: Didn't expect to see you two come in. Granted, I can't see much. But still.

XXXX-1: Lennon.

Lennon: Cyril. What brings you here?

XXXX-1: You tell me, Lennon. What were you doing yesterday?

Lennon: You think I did this?

XXXX-1: Stop feigning bullshit, Lennon.

Lennon: I'm not feigning anything. I'm the judge. My job is to preside on the case, not get it postponed. You think I want to be here?

XXXX-1: Maybe. Maybe you do.

Lennon: If you're gonna talk about that—

Gregory: Ok, look. Everyone calm down. Mr. Jackson? You haven't exactly helped anyone here, alright? So just be quiet for a bit.

XXXX-1: Hmph.

Lennon: Thank you. You're quite the gentleman. Is that a real silk tie?

Gregory: Yes. Thank you for noticing.

Lennon: You seem that you have good taste, no? Would you say that about yourself?

Gregory: Well, heh, I don't know if I'd say that. But let's focus.

Lennon: Whatever you say. So, what's it to you? How much did he give you?

Gregory: Er, nothing. He, if you mean Mr. Jackson, is not my employer.

Lennon: Hm. You seem like the last few ones he's dragged up. Always lost their shit at the stand. Would've given them a nice deal or two on my goods, ya see?

Gregory: And what goods would that be?

Lennon: You wanna buy?

XXXX-1: You don't. Trust me, you do not.

Lennon: Oh shut up. It's not my fault you sold your shares away.

XXXX-1: Shares in what? Couldn't even call it a company. It was just the three of us, rolling up lunardust and pawning it to folks that couldn't tell left from right.

Lennon: And it was money, Cyril. Money.

XXXX-1: Don't you fucking Cyril me. You don't get to call me that anymore.

XXXX-1: It's been too long, and I've been— been living too hard. To shake it off. To believe things would get better with me and the firm. Maybe I came here because I needed an escape. Maybe it was a spark I needed. Because this, this is all I know now. This work. This is what I've signed up for.

Gregory: Don't talk about it like that.

XXXX-1: Emile, I— [XXXX-1 chokes briefly, before sitting back up straight.] I've spent so much time here, forgetting about how much time passes, just flowing through life like a sack of meat, shit, and bone, and— and it's easy to play it off as nothing much, as some radical lone-wolf type, taking on the system. I was never an eternal optimist like you. I did things. None of it mattered.

Gregory: Quiet Cyril, quiet. Look, Cyril, you—

XXXX-1: Don't 'Cyril' me. No one's called me that in ages. This bloody trite existence has been nothing for me. Hard drinking and nothing else. I'm — I'm not on the path of greatness. I never have been. I only took the one of least resistance. Don't do the same thing, Emile. Don't do what I did here.

Gregory: Mr. Jackson, respectfully, you did start a firm.

XXXX-1: Which is mine only in name. I haven't been back in ages. God knows what they're doing now. But chin up, Emile. We finished the case, didn't we?

Gregory: We did. But I can't help but feel there's something wrong.

XXXX-1: This is goodbye, Emile.

Gregory: You know who did it. Who?

XXXX-1: It's not as if it matters, doesn't it? He may have told you anything. Sure. But the best we can hope to do is ensure he never gets out to have that possibility.

Gregory: Certainly that feels wrong, no?

XXXX-1: When all you feel like is wrong, because you're trying to do what's right, what even do those words mean anymore? Just— why can't it be over? Why does this accursed place keep me here? Alive? Kicking far beyond my years? Why can't I just die in a blaze of glory like how I've wanted to?

[SCP-XXXX-1 sighs, rubbing his temple and looking down at his cup.]

XXXX-1: The answer to your first question is a very simple one. But I can't. I can't do it.

Gregory: What can't you do? For god's sake, be clear to me for once. Alright? I've spent a fuckton of time this past day with you, and I think I deserve a little more than that.

XXXX-1: You're right, I just— Any of it. I can't do it at all. Go home, Emile. Go home, or I'll make you go home.

Gregory: How do you expect me to do that?

XXXX-1: Walk through the door. I'll send you back.

Gregory: So it's no different than if you just sent me now anyways, is it?

XXXX-1: It makes all the difference to me, Emile. All the difference.

Gregory: Alright. If you say so. Goodbye, partner.

XXXX-1: Yeah. So long, partner.

[Researcher Gregory gets up from his chair, and walks towards the door, keeping an eye on SCP-XXXX-1. Before he leaves, he tips his hat, which SCP-XXXX-1 reciprocates. He turns. He leaves. SCP-XXXX-1 smiles, and turns back to the bar as his gaze lingers on the door.]

XXXX-1: So long.

<END LOG>

  • Foundation attempts to assist in containment; Jackson lays it down as to how it is, we get our first glimpse
  • Log 2 is just general court shenanigans serving as character building; suddenly, bailiff doesn't show up: thought to be "murdered"
  • Technically, -2 has done nothing wrong, we find out by log 3
  • log 4, submitted evidence, features autopsy report and some other stuff pointing towards -2 as being a culprit
  • Ultimately, there is no resolution; -1 repeats that the best they can do is just endlessly fight.
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