Chekhov's Gun

Title: Chekhov's Gun

Rewrite time!!!!!

Wait shit shit SHIT end it with Anton Chekhov shooting his author aka the REAL Anton Chekhov

and imply this was his plan throughout the history section

or it was his intention to kill his author, but his author deus ex machina'd him dead / he was killed off / "written out of the show"

Or interview with Chekhov after they apprehend him, about the idea of not being able to control your fate.

Ok so listen all of the tests should change their method of documentation

Literary device ideas

  • comparative illusion
  • aposiopesis
  • feghoot
  • non sequitur
  • exquisite corpse
  • irish bull
  • paraprosdokian
  • lexical ambiguity

Ways people are written off of shows

  • Gone to college
  • Hit by bus
  • Vague lethal disease
  • Stroke
  • Parents called them home
  • Wrongly arrested
  • Car accident

Item #: SCP-5994 Level 4/5994
Object Class: Euclid Classified


(Probably have another go-through)

Special Containment Procedures: The containment and research of SCP-XXXX has been designated as a joint operation between the Pataphysics Department and the Department of Miscommunications. SCP-XXXX itself is to be kept in a secure weapons locker in Site-59's anomalous armory. Testing of SCP-XXXX requires prior clearance from two Level 4/XXXX personnel, and is to occur in a featureless test chamber as to prevent the spread of narrative influence. Targets of SCP-XXXX are to be contained by the Department of Miscommunications, who are to limit their infohazardous properties accordingly.

Description: SCP-XXXX is an 1859 Berdan Sharps rifle capable of weaponizing intrafictional concepts, narrative principles, and literary stylings. This is achieved through the concentration of pataphysical energy within the gun's barrel, allowing the translation of these concepts across the 4th wall. This energy is believed to generate from a collection of crumpled papers currently obstructing SCP-XXXX's loading breech. These papers are covered in Russian handwriting, identified as select portions of The Seagull.1

When fired, SCP-XXXX will produce a projectile representing an element of literature. This projectile physically manifests as a mass of lettering and punctuation, compacted into the shape of a bullet. This projectile will travel at high speeds until it impacts a target, upon which the target will become subject to the harbored literary concept.

Once a concept is applied by SCP-XXXX, universal narrative structures adjacent to the target will undergo changes as to accommodate the property. The extents of these edits are dependent on the target's narrative complexity, with sentient entities experiencing the most extreme changes. These edits are invariably fatal, often resulting in extensive biological modifications and concentrated infohazardous properties. Currently, there is no way of controlling the effects of SCP-XXXX, with fired concepts being chosen seemingly at random.

Addendum.XXXX.1: Testing Log

Assumed Principle:

Resulting Effects:

Assumed Principle:

Resulting Effects:

Assumed Principle: Garden-path sentence

Resulting Effects: After the subject had altered their narrative was compounded into the surroundings. When personnel check for life signs aren't apparent. The well-informed telephone the Department of Miscommunications. Until the department updates the containment chamber remains condemned.

(Change to have Chekhov "written out of the show" / Imply this is a weapon built to slay a God)

Addendum.XXXX.2: History: SCP-XXXX was originally created by Anton Chekhov (referred to as PoI-5994), a Russian paranovelist2, notable for his interest in metatheism. PoI-5994 is known to have published several essays on the subject for the anomalous community, and is often regarded as one of the founders of modern pataphysics.3 As time went on, this view on metatheism became increasingly violent, with PoI-5994 regularly entering lengthy tirades regarding the idea of a predetermined future, and his opposition towards the concept of an intrusive deity. Eventually, PoI-5994 was apprehended by Russian authorities after he was observed brandishing SCP-XXXX and firing it into the sky. He was then transferred into Foundation custody, upon which his house was raided. Agents discovered several prototypes of SCP-XXXX, alongside various other minor anomalous items, such as:

  • An unmarked shaving razor. Shows localized narrative condensive properties.
  • Instructions on how to produce Rosen-Fortune Bridges (unfinished).
  • A 17th century artillery cannon. Unable to exist unless actively thought about, which will only result in partial manifestation.
  • A fish tank containing a physically manifested idiom, which displays piscine characteristics. Attempts to connect this manifestation to other means of producing physical concepts have universally failed.
  • Six taxidermied jack snipes (Lymnocryptes minimus), which shift between existence and nonexistence at regular intervals.

Following his detainment, an interview was conducted with PoI-5994, which has been transcribed below.

Potential Garden-Path Sentences

  • While subject was changing their narrative became nonexistent.
  • Fat people eat accumulates variation
  • The subject assigned the target was deleted
  • After the subject had altered their narrative was converged with the surroundings.

Description: SCP-4484 is an 1859 Berdan Sharps rifle. Although SCP-4484 is physically identical to other guns of the same model, it is unable to be fired unless during certain circumstances. All attempts to load SCP-4484 have caused ammunition within the chamber to disappear once it has been closed. SCP-4484's anomalous effects only activate when in physical contact with a human. If SCP-4484 is in contact with a human when its requirements for firing are met, that human will fire SCP-4484 regardless of personal preferences over use of weapons similar to SCP-4484.

While held, SCP-4484 can be fired at any unresolved issue or problem within the eyesight of the person holding SCP-4484. This will occur regardless of the issue's complexity or importance to the person holding SCP-4484. If the wielder of SCP-4484 does not consider the situation or issue to be problematic, then SCP-4484 will remain dormant.

When fired at an unresolved situation, SCP-4484 will produce an unmarked shaving razor from the end of its barrel at high speeds. All attempts to located the materialization point of these razors have failed. Razors will travel towards the source of the issue before dematerializing upon direct contact, leaving a small wound on the target. Once the razor dematerializes, the problem resolves through simple means. Those involved with the situation will often consider the discovered solution to be inadequate, although a complete resolution to of the issue. Solutions will often cause additional problems within the situations, with some being significantly worse than the original situation. Despite this, SCP-4484's wielder will observe no issues with the solution of the problem, often professing it as the only possible resolution available.

History: SCP-4484 was first discovered during the initial production of a play located in Taganrog, Russia when one character was required to hold a rifle that he received from his father before he passed away. During the scene, the actor playing the son forgot his lines and proceeded to shoot himself in the foot with SCP-4484. He then walked backstage to retrieve a copy of the script and visibly read from it on stage. A Foundation agent in the audience notified the Foundation of a possible anomalous object and witnesses were administered Class-A amnestics. Interviews with the building owner prior to administration revealed no source of the object, claiming that it was found among other stage props left within the theatre.

Addendum: The following are excerpts from SCP-4484's initial test log for the purpose of better understanding its anomalous effects.

Purpose: To test whether SCP-4484 could be used to complete a task the wielder has no experience of.

Procedure: A wood burning kitchen stove was installed within SCP-4484's testing chamber, along with various other cooking appliances. SCP-4484 was given to D-10622, who has no prior experience with seafood preparation. D-10622 was provided ingredients and instructed to correctly cook kipper.

Result: After repeated attempts to correctly cook the meal, D-10622 expressed anger at the task, hitting the stove in frustration. After being told to pick up SCP-4484, D-10622 looked at the stove before shooting the stove's front, causing a chip in the exterior. D-10622 approached the stove to continue cooking before shouting and quickly moving away. A large hole was visible in D-10622's pants. The stove was observed to have flames emerging from the interior of the stove through the chip in the exterior. As the fire spread, personnel quickly entered the chamber with an extinguisher to contain the hazard. D-10266 was treated for 2nd-degree burns on his right thigh. When interviewed, D-10266 revealed that he had wanted the stove to break because that would cause an immediate end to the experiment.

Purpose: To test if SCP-4484's resolutions to problems scale with the difficulty of the unresolved task.

Procedure: A large wooden crate was placed within SCP-4484's test chamber. The top of the crate was nailed down and sealed with several lengths of industrial tape. Several barrel hinges were additionally installed on the lid and welding shut to prevent access. D-18205 was placed within the chamber with SCP-4484 and ordered to open the lid of the crate.

Result: After approximately 20 minutes of attempting to open the crate, D-18205 was instructed to pick up SCP-4484. D-18205 picked up and aimed the firearm at the crate. D-18205 fired SCP-4484, resulting in a small crack on the side of the crate. After expressing his disappointment, D-118205 proceeded to wedge the barrel of SCP-4484 into one of the crate's hinges and began to apply pressure, causing a moderate bend in SCP-4484's barrel. Once this occurred, security personnel rushed into the chamber and subdued D-18205. Foundation engineers were able to fix SCP-4484's barrel, although permanent damage was caused to the interior of the firearm.

Purpose: To test if SCP-4484 could solve a task where items thought to be required for the solution are not provided.

Procedure: Two small pieces of wood were placed within SCP-4484's testing chamber along with a standard claw hammer. D-09384 was placed within the chamber with SCP-4484 and instructed to nail the two pieces of wood together.

Result: Once placed within the chamber, D-09384 began to shout expletives at observing personnel due to the lack of any adhesive materials. When told to pick up SCP-4484, D-09384 promptly looked at and shot the claw hammer, breaking the wooden handle at the base of the head. She then proceeded to place the handle between the pieces of wood before hitting the top piece with the metal portion of the hammer meant for nail removal. This caused a large crack to form within the top piece of wood, which D-09384 then placed the wooden handle within. She proceeded to do this with the second piece of wood before throwing it across the test chamber. When security personnel entered to escort her back to her cell, D-09384 proceeded to throw the metal head of the hammer at one officer, causing him to collapse. D-09384 was then shot in the chest by a second officer. The collapsed officer was taken to a medical bay where he died from a collapsed windpipe.

Purpose: To test if SCP-4484 could provide solutions involving thaumaturgic or otherwise anomalous abilities.

Procedure: The corpse of D-09384 was placed within SCP-4484's test chamber along with several items used in thaumaturgic rituals. D-7502 was placed within the room with SCP-4484 and was instructed to revive D-09384.

Result: Upon expressing confusion at the task given to him, D-7502 was provided several intentionally vague instructions on how to perform a standard reanimation ritual. After approximately 3 hours and several failed attempts, D-7502 began to express the immense difficulty of his task. After being instructed to pick up SCP-4484, D-7502 looked at D-09384's corpse and shot it, creating a large cut across its left cheek. D-7502 proceeded to place his fingers beneath the cut and crudely tore off the skin covering D-09384's face. He then placed the skin over his own face, making vocalizations in a high pitch claiming that he was D-09384 risen from the dead. After several minutes of this, the test was aborted and D-09384 was scheduled for psychiatric evaluation.

Purpose: To test how SCP-4484's razors would react when attempting to be utilized for their intended purpose.

Procedure: A domesticated Bearded Collie was placed within SCP-4484's test chamber. Assistant Researcher Pandesal, a trained dog groomer, was placed within the room with SCP-4484 and was instructed to trim the dog’s fur.

Result: After initially expressing concern over the method of trimming, Pandesal was reassured of SCP-4484's relative safety. Upon firing SCP-4484, a metallic click was heard along with the sound of the gun firing. SCP-4484's razor was observed ricochetting off of SCP-4484's muzzle and falling to the floor. This caused the dog to panic, suddenly running towards the test chamber's exit and breaching containment. The dog was observed running into the Site-17 cafeteria, where several members of personnel began to pursue the dog along with SCP-4484's research team. This chase continued across Site-73 into Head Researcher Victor's office, where the escaped dog was eventually contained. When the dog was returned to the chamber, SCP-4484 was fired successfully, causing a small incision in the dog's rear when the razor disappeared as normal. Assistant Researcher Pandesal then proceeded to leave the chamber, retrieve a pair of scissors, and successfully trimmed the dog's fur.

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