Archived contents follow

🍥 Dr. Mann's Proposal - The Spiral Path

Object Class: Embla

New members of Overseer Council are required to read Document 001-O5.

👮 Scantron's Proposal - The Foundation

Object Class: 53 (Highly intrusive, unknown capabilities, unknown nature)

Hello! We are the O5 council and we (secure, contain, protect) we have been shown to do and it would be nice to be friends.

👥 Djoric-Dmatix Proposal - Thirty-Six

Object Class: Humanoid

Quiet days, Doctor. Quiet days and peace.

⚙️ TwistedGears-Kaktus Proposal - The Broken God

Object Class: Maksur

We stood before what looked to be an angry and vengeful God, and all it did was beg us to kill it.

We were all too happy to oblige.

🎴 S.D. Locke's Proposal - When Day Breaks

Object Class: Apollyon

👁️ spikebrennan's proposal - God's Blind Spot

Object Class: Yesod

We think that something else - something that we don't presently have a way of observing or measuring - came in. We don’t know what it was or where it went…

🤯 WJS Proposal - Normalcy

Object Class: Non-Anomalous

Second, "consensus reality" is simply consensus of the Council.

🛰️ Billith's Proposal - The World At Large

Object Class: Netzach

It is no doubt that the body is an enigma. After thousands of years of stasis, the search to find a new home came to its conclusion on a planet bearing striking resemblance to Earth Prime. This is but the greatest unknown of all.

💐 Lily's Proposal - The World's Gone Beautiful

Object Class: Unnecessary

> SCP-001 does not need to be contained.

🎁 Jim North's Proposal - A Simple Toymaker

Object Class: Apollyon

When you fight against the likes of FULLER and ION and MEKHANE and THE SCARLET BLOODY KING, you were really fighting against ME!

🗺️ I.H.Pickman's Proposal - Story of Your Life

Object Class: Archon

"Sinclair's actually been able to pinpoint instances in which the narrative focus shifts away, if only briefly. You know what happens?"

"What?" Verhoten asked.

"Absolutely nothing. We keep existing, going about our lives, having conversations, and just… developing. Going on. That means that God isn't always paying attention, but we're still here regardless."

✴️ djkaktus's Proposal III - The Way It Ends

Object Class: Principalis

🏳️ SCP-048 - The Cursed SCP Number

Object Class: None (see description)

This is ridiculous. I'll prove to you superstitious bastards that you're all just being pussies.

👑 His Majesty's SCP-MDLXI - The Tyrant's Pretext

Royal Object Class: Glorious

The Most Glorious King Data the Expunged, Ruler of the Kingdom of Site Redacted

📡 SCP-1654 - Tuned to a Dead Channel

Protocol Urgency: Immediate

Once all possible candidates have been exhausted, remaining Foundation personnel are instructed to congregate in any of the seraphic zones and begin the termination of SCP-1654.

📠 SCP-1661 - Gremlins

Object Class: Archon

Three days after containment at Site-81, a swarm of SCP-1661 descended within the site's exclusion-zone, landing five meters from the main gates. These instances did not resist collection by personnel.

🌟 SCP-2005 - Predicting the Past

Object Class: Zeno

Discrepancy priority one: Retention of planetary civilization.

If transmitters have been disabled: re-install.

If capable: record response.

🙅 SCP-2062 - Kronecker

Object Class: Kronecker

God rest my soul.

🚫 SCP-2165 - Irredeemable

Object Class: None

This reference is to be kept in an extra-temporal, extra-spatial location. All is as it has been. All is as it always was.

📄 SCP-2357 - The Perfect SCP

Obj3ct Class: SCP-2357 poses no danger to anyone, although it very easily could have been made that way.

With all due respect (read: fuck you and I'm gone),

Dr. Vanessa Graff

🏠 SCP-2508 - The Long Wait

Object Class: None

Please keep this hatch open only in good weather. Please keep it closed for rain, snow, and the chill of winter. Thank you.

🤔 SCP-2685 - Thinking in Abstraction

Artifact Class: In doubt

…Humanity is boring. You don't want to conform to that. By taking Thinking in Abstraction into your brain, into your soul, your programming will go away. Your mind will brilliantly lack its chains, in an instant…

📚 SCP-2602, which used to be a library - Exbibliothetic

Library Class: Former

SCP-2602 is a building that, from 1921-06-08 to 1988-04-29, was a library.

☠️ SCP-2718 - What Happens After

Object Class: Catastrophic abort at D09E2AD9: HANDLE_NOT_FOUND

Shut off your monitor now, notify the Breach Desk that you and your workstation have DAMMERUNG contamination. Await MTF processing.

🎛️ SCP-2786 - The Archetype

Object Class: Oblique

Special Containment Procedures: There is nothing that can be done.

Description: I am in control now.

🦑 SCP-2790 - You've Got a Squid in Me

Object Class: BFF

SCP-2790 is a male Atlantic cranch squid (Teuthowenia megalops). He was initially recovered during a raid on the curio shop "Curios of the Worlds", feeling lonely and sad in a tinted glass tank labeled "Ignore".

🦀 SCP-2827 - Probably a Lobster

Object Class: [Pending]

I am sorry for the trouble that I've caused you.
I'm still getting the hang of this "magic" thing.

💡 SCP-3005 - A Light That Died

Object Class: Uncontained (Unknown)

I knew I needed the pink light, but I didn't want it like they had it. It works on brains different from how bodies work. So I drilled a hole right through the chamber, right at forehead level.

🤖 SCP-3030 - Specialized Containment Proficiency Test

Object Class: Pending O5 Review

Research into the possibility of using SCP-3030 as a training facility is ongoing under direct supervision of the O5 council.

🐅 SCP-3240 - The Bones Of What You Believe

Object Class: Hiemal

I got the sun on my skin, and the wind in my hair, and the flesh on my bones, and I can live wherever the hell I want, because ain't nobody can take that away from me.

⏳ SCP-3252 - The Permian-Triassic Extinction Event

Object Class: N/A

P.S. If you think YOU have an existential crisis, think about what the religious support staff had to go through. Catch Father Klein at the cafeteria some time. Kind of puts things in perspective, no?

💕 SCP-3265 - It's Good

Object Class: Whatever you want it to be, really. You're in charge here.

How do you even keep it all inside anymore? Aren't you full to the bursting with it? It's alright, babe. Let it out. Let us see it.

🌩️ SCP-3310 - The Old Man of the Lake

Object Class: Archon

There were strange figures in that mist. When any of us attempted to approach them, they would shy away from us, further into the fog. There was something quite queer about them, however. Some of them seemed to possess too many limbs at a time, and those limbs were far too long.

🐝 SCP-3368 - Bees on the Brain

Object Class: Declassified

[🐝SECURITY HAZARD ACTIVATED: SCANNING FOR BEES🐝]

🐛 SCP-3396 - The Empyrean Parasite

Object Class: Tiamat

Rather than providing their standard conceptual energy and thaumic potential readings, Foundation prototypic thaumic scanners invariably alter their method of data return to provide the word “THRIVE” in a random language upon each scan. The significance of this is unknown.

🌴 Site-3408 - Welcome to Site-3408

Site Class: Containment

Let the hydrochloric acid burn all your troubles away.

💭 SCP-3443 - Placeholder

Object Class: N/A

Please disregard this. Accidentally created when revisiting DB_workID#-3443-04. Hadn't seen O5 directive, wish it had come sooner, I'm sick of this one… Still not sure what all the fuss is about anyway, whole damn scip isn't even real.

🤗 SCP-3455 - 411 Days A Year

Object Class: Archon

SCP-3455 has been widely designated as an extra month in the calendar named Liberary amongst the civilian population.

😟 SCP-3557 - CK or OK?

Object Class: Pending

SCP-3557 may have already ended the world, and there's nothing we can do about: we're living in a new reality that may have nothing to do with the old one.

🌊 SCP-3700 - Tides of War

Object Class: Hiemal

All vessels, ANGIE has been spotted. Engage 'Winter Maelstrom.'

🐴 SCP-3787 - The Horse Meme

Object Class: Hiemal

As of the creation of this document, the aforementioned equine anomalies have yet to be re-contained.

🎸 SCP-3882 - A Literal Metal Band

Object Class: Declassified

Dr. Soon: To be honest, I have to ask: why don't you produce more industrial metal?

Kingsmith.5: That's a bit stereotypical, don't you think?

🧠 SCP-3895 - Our Unrest

Object Class: Tiamat

Our strength endures. We are the Foundation.

⚫ SCP-3930 - The Pattern Screamer

Object Class: N/A

SCP-3930 does not exist.

🐟 UNDEFINED - Containment Chamber #3942

Object Class: UNDEFINED

Description: PENDING

👁️‍🗨️ SCP-3999 - I Am At The Center of Everything That Happens To Me

Object Class: Apollyon

The Eleven Day Empire melted me, and I submitted. You watched me submit from the moment I joined the Foundation community.

SCP-3999 has won.

SCP-3999 has lost.

🔥 SCP-4005 - The Holy and Heavenly City of Fabled China

Object Class: Apollyon

SCP-4005 refers to an indestructible glass mosque lamp, recovered from Cairo, Egypt.

🏢 SCP-4008 - Wormwood

Object Class: Pending

I've decided to head back to Site-183 and research everything we've found here. The rest of the team can return to Site Gamma and continue the dig without me; since the entire purpose of the project was to determine if and how these cities were destroyed, I'm sure Director Alami will agree.

🔀 SCP-4013 - It Can't Be Allowed To Stop

Object Class: Pending

As such, SCP-4013 cannot be adequately described in a manner that both respects all of its parts and adheres to standard requirements.

🔐 SCP-4015 - The Keepers

Object Class: Eparch

My mission never changes, it never has, it never will.

🔄 SCP-4096 - The Ol' Switcheroo

Object Class: Euclid Currently debated

SCP-4096 is, under the manifold's current definition, contained. A method of breaching said containment is currently being investigated.

👾 SCP-4100 - Future Imperfect

Threat Level: 0 Interstellar, 10 Surface-Bound

Following the destruction of SCP-4100, this file has been archived. The latest available draft of the file is awaiting publication.

👩‍🚀 SCP-4113 - Long is the Way You Must Wander

Object Class: Hera (Hostile/High Utility)

The Hermes towed the Delivery back to Pallas Athena's space dock. SCP-4113 did not follow.

🔁 SCP-4121 - The Stasis Quo

Object Class: Hiemal

If these experiments had delivered any benefit at all then maybe, just maybe, I would be inclined to understand. I've seen no progress and as such my recommendation is simple, tear it all down. We're financing and enabling torture. There is no excuse.

🌐 SCP-4200 - The World, Idealized

Object Class: Archon

Partly. History shouldn't be touched. It's happened, and there's nothing that can be done. But in removing me, you touched history. It doesn't sit well with me, even if I am grateful to now live as a normal person. I can't help feeling… a creeping sense of dread.

🌌 SCP-4223 - Invasion

Object Class: Gödel

Attention occupants of Earth, iteration FP-25723839. This is a broadcast from the SCP Foundation and the remaining international governments of this world.

🐺 SCP-ℸp♡9 - or, KTE-6561-Black, or, dolphinslugchugger and scarhaver's GAW-1 proposal, or, 8008132, or, Our Friend Who Lives By The Lake, or, The Lake, or, A Very Important Question, or, The Reason We Did Something New This Time, or, Go Big or Go Home

Object Class: Keter/Friend

And if we don't look out for each other, who's going to look out for any of us, right?

🦅 SCP-4444 - Bush v. Gore

Object Class: Ticonderoga

Additionally, SCP-4444 apologized for "casting a dark spell" over the audience, and insisted it wouldn't happen again.

🏊 SCP-4540 - History, Together

Object Class: Hiemal

These two skeletons were found hand in hand.

➗ SCP-4555 - The Last Last Question

Object Class: Gödel

A cognitive analysis must be completed to communicate accurately, do you consent?

📜 SCP-4812 - Wrath

Object Class: See Classification Memorandum

We've confirmed what we feared. They don't know it, but they've found her.

🛬 SCP-4911 - September 11th, 2001

Object Class: Uncontained

Not for a while. We just sat there, and she spent a lot of time looking out towards the towers- and… well, eventually I just asked her if she was going to be ok again, and she looked at me.

🤫 SCP-1763-EX - How To Write An SCP

Object Class: None

~ Documents recovered from the personal computer of an unknown Researcher, 03/01/2018.

🧑🏿 SCP-1851-EX - Drapetomania

Classification Type: Threatening

Phenomenon 1851-023 is a disorder of the mind exclusive to the Negro race, and most particularly to those segments of the Negro race appropriately employed in servile labor under the tutelage of a white master.

💵 Cimmerian-Kaktus Proposal - The Broke God

Object Class: Iyov

Heyyyyyy Adam, it's me, Mike. Mike Kain? You know, from that one time we met when you contained me? Yeeeeeeeah

🎺 Daveyoufool's Proposal - KEEP CALM AND APOLLY ON

Object Class: Apollyon

Description: The description of SCP-OO1-J is a lethal cognitohazard, and as such, is available on request for all interested personnel.

😍 Dr. Palanez's Proposal - The Question

Object Class: Agape

A large number of specific circumstances and behaviors have been confirmed to strengthen the effects of SCP-001-J ; this list has been compiled by Dr. Palanez.

🤭 SCP-009-J - Where Is It?

Object Class: Fun for ages 2 and up

SCP-009-J is missing. Where has it gone?

🤥 SCP-010-J - WHAT KETER I DON'T SEE ANY KETER

Object Class: Completely harmless, stop asking

You can stop worrying about it being made of black holes. I said stop!

💪 SCP-076-J - IN OWN WORDS

Object Class: By Grace Of Lord Enlil King Of Kings Grandchild Of God Master Of All Smasher Of Thousands Better Than You At All Things

Failure to obey laws will result in AK-class Able-Demonstrate-To-You-What-Scaphism-Is scenario.

👂 SCP-164-J - Ear Magic

Spell Class: Arcane/Rite

Swagger-casting (summoning subtype)

😨 SCP-536-J - It's on the back of your head

Object Class: The hell is that thing?

SCP-536-J was discovered on the back of your head. Yeah, it's still there. Hold still, man.

😕 SCP-543-J - Tweetle Beetles

Object Class: Grinchlike Constantinople

In the event of an XK-Tweetle-Beetle-Battle-Breaching-Bottle Situation, Mobile Task Force Epsilon-11 ("Nine-Tailed Fox in Socks") will be deployed to recontain all specimens, while Mobile Task Force Gamma-5 ("Red Herring Blue Herring") will lead efforts to suppress public knowledge of the creatures and cover up any collateral damage with false claims.

🐜 SCP-723-J - Sad Roach

Object Class: :<

SAD ROACH NOOOOOOOOO

🐜 SCP-724-J - Bad Roach

Object Class: >:3

Fucks Given: n/a

😚 SCP-732-J - Tiny Ceramic Seahorse

Object Class: Adorable

…Actually, I was hoping to get one for myself. And maybe my cousins. Your Tiny Ceramic Seahorse looks happy.

💪🏻 SCP-1150-J - Budget Hole

Object Class: Cannot be classified using available means.

The sculpture is approximately (last tape measure in Area 22/13 was lost during Incident ██.██.20██) 1.5 meters tall and can be carried by four (4) properly fed Foundation employees.

🎥 SCP-1201-J - That One Movie

Object Class: Action… I think?

Oh wait, I think I'm getting it. Hold on… Damnit you messed me up! It wasn't [REDACTED]! Since when has [REDACTED] been in anything anyways? Have you seen her at the Oscars? She looked like one of those skeletons from that old game. You know that old game, right?

🤯 SCP-1234-J - An SCP

Object Class: [REDACTED]

SCP-1234-J was discovered by personnel following their detection of anomalous activity. A containment force was sent to contain SCP-1234-J. It was then contained.

😱 SCP-1333-J! - THE SCREAMING MAN

Object Class: Enochian

SCP-1333 is THE SCREAMING MAN!

🍊 SCP-1622-J - No Object Class Whatsoever

Object Class: Malkuth (Simple/Low) Gevurah (Dangerous/High) Pending

What is this? I thought you took care of this, Hutchins. Why has nobody been using the normal protocols for discipline? This would've been solved ages ago, if you'd just come to me instead of getting in a pissing contest. Christ, both of you, you're better than this, this is beneath you.

🇷🇺 SCP-1922-J - Pathetic System of American Pigs

Object Class: Primitive

It seeks to enslave the common worker under the doctrine of SCP-1922-J-1 and deprive him of the fruits of his toil.

⚾ SCP-1994-J - THE BAAAAAAAAAAALLLLL

Object Class: AMAZING!!!!!!!

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE CAN WE GO TO THE PARK?!?!?!?!!?!

😒 SCP-2719-J - an inside joke

Object Class: Unfunny

"Hello, an inside joke, I'm dad."

🥞 SCP-3000-J - Kellogg's® Foundation Flakes™!

Cereal Class: G-r-r-reat!

Grand Karcist Ion™: You can't stop me! My Sark-Bite™ army is too powerful! Together, They will help me rule the world!!! Ha Ha Ha !

🚱 SCP-5150-J - Think Of The Children

Outrage Class: Unacceptable.

Then he looked at me and said (and I remember his words verbatim) "Are you okay? You've been sitting in your car staring at me for the past seven minutes." Those are the words of a boy who can't read social cues. Go find that boy, tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm not.

🚬 SCP-5200-J - JUST SAY NO!!!!!!!!

Object Class: DARE

Giving into SCP-5200-J has many results, the most common being getting hooked on the wacky tobacky.

🚪 SCP-7143-J - THE KNOB

Object Class: N/A

Notes: This is a doorknob. -Dr. Dorian

✈️ SCP-7789-J - There are so many possible puns for this! Some are too phon-ny and others won't fly.

Object Class: Business Class

SCP-7789-J is triggered whenever an airplane passenger or nearby individual utilizes an active cellphone or smartphone which is not set on airplane mode during take-off or landing.

😑 SCP-8003-J - Why Bother?

Object Class: Apollyon

Addendum 3, you goddamn plebs:

💸 SCP-8851-J - Super Cheap Procedures

Object Class: Problematic

SCP-8851-J is a 95% budgetary cut from the Humanity Preservation Association following Incident-████-Y.

👩 SCP-2128046979-J - You don't know her, she works at a different Site!

Girlfriend Class: Real

SCP-2128046979-J is Junior Researcher Jimmy's girlfriend.

🤢 SCP-1347-1352-J - What a Pestis

Object Class: Loud and messy

SCP-1347-1353-J enjoys hosting long, loud, and destructive parties in our apartment, every night.

📱 SCP-1-800-J - SUPPLIES ARE LIMITED

Object Class: LIMITED TIME OFFER!

But wait, there's MORE!

🎲 SCP-1D6-J - Gygax's Folly

Object Class:

1. Safe

2. Euclid

3. Keter

4. Safe, later promoted to Euclid once it exploded a guy's eyeballs

5. Safe, later promoted to Keter once it exploded ten guys' eyeballs

6. Double Keter

Description: SCP-1D6-J is a:

1. stone cube
2. common household item
3. big dog
4. swarm of insects
5. just some hobo
6. conglomeration of body parts from at least three different taxa

👨‍🍳 SCP-41-D3N73-J - Lotsa Pasta

Object Class: worst

SCP-41-D3N73-J is a shelf of sapient boxes of pasta, all unfortunately capable of speech.

🐓 SCP-80-K-J - Chicken Corps

Object Class: Ridiculous

SCP-80-K Prime: You will address me as "Sir", as my rank entails, or face dire repercussions.

💾 SCP-80s-J - Strangerer Things

Object Class: Uncontained

SCP-80s-J-3: Stranger things?

D-9 Harris: What?

SCP-80s-J-3: Nothing, nevermind.

☐ SCP-even-number-J - An [Adjective] [Animal]

Object Class: Enochian

In light of incident ███-J-1, testing has been suspended indefinitely. - O5-█

🥌 SCP-____-J - Procrastinati

Object Class: _______

It's a rock that makes you procrastinate.

⬛ SCP-????-J - Some fucking thing in a box

Object Class: i dunno

O5-1: Oi, what the fuck is that thing?

❓ SCP-META-EX-J - Please Don't Coldpost

Object Class: Uncontained Apollyon Explained? Apollyon Keter Explained Definitely Apollyon Explained, to a degree, I guess Confusing (Pending Class Reassignment)

TheBillith proceeds to bash his head against a wall for the next seventeen hours. Dies from brain damage shortly thereafter.

📹 SCP-sqrt(-1)-J

Object Class: Imaginary

The Foundation understands squinting for 2 hours at a time can be hard. Agent Rodgers enjoys the help from the provided electrodes.

📃 SCP-TLDR-J - An Easily Digestible Document

Length Class: Too

TL;DR: SCP-TLDR-J is a metamorphic document with a variety of forms, each possessing unique, mostly pointless anomalous properties.

😲 SCP-WOW-J - Dr. Fynegan and Agent Forelli's Bizarre Adventure

Object Class: Unclear/Unknown

Object Class: Xilas WTF

Object Class: AXOLOTL FOREVER

Object Class: Haven't picked one yet cause they all look kinda cool. Nehemoth sounds shway, but Apollyon sounds cool as well.

Addendum 01:
God, SCP-WOW-J is confusing. - Dr. Fynegan

🐜 SCP-006-CU-EX - Cuddly Cwawies

Object Class: Lifetime Companion

Anyone caught attempting to brutally murder an instance of SCP-006-CU-EX like a cold-blooded son-of-a-bitch is subject to immediate termination.

🦎 SCP-682-CU - Cutest Ickle Lizard

Object Class: Pink and fluffy

Dr. ██████: Now, who's a good ickle lizard?

SCP-682-Cu: (No verbal communication)

Dr. ██████: That's right! You are! Yes you are!

👀 SCP-2600-CU - The Cutest Little Thing

Object Class: It's, uh, cute.

Pleasehelp Any personnel who are mean to SCP-2600-CU are to be sent to time-out, or assigned to cleaning up the naughty corner.

NOTE: If there are articles missing from this, please fill them in yourself, or contact TSATPWTCOTTTADC and/or YossiLeiner to do it.
See the Esoteric Object Class tag here.