rating: 0+x

Item Number: 001-J

Object Class: Pythagorean

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001-J is to be contained at its place of discovery, concealed by Site-01. It is to be under constant surveillance, and any production incidents are to be logged and catalogued. Research into a neutralization method for SCP-001-J is in progress and of Level 5 priority.

Description: SCP-001-J is a large tree-like growth, several meters beneath ground level, located in the north of Sweden. It is believed to extend far into the earth's mantle, splitting off into many branches, with some believed to extend deep into the planets core. SCP-001-J is alive and sapient, being able to communicate through a large face at the highest point of its body.

SCP-001-J is believed to be the creator of all other anomalies currently in containment, at large and not yet existant. This theory has been proposed because of research into a connection between all anomalies revealing meta-physical, branch-like growths extending from SCP-001-J towards all anomalies, or by anomaly affected living beings, objects, places and concepts. SCP-001-J also regularly undergoes a production event in which it appears to be in pain, tensing its facial muscles, before loudly sighing and temporarily lowering the hume levels in its vicinity by a significant amount. It then grows a new meta-physical branch that has to date always led to a previously undiscovered anomaly.

Addendum: Neutralization log
After the excavation of SCP-001-J's face, and several conversations with it holding no results (with all conversations to date always having been pushed towards the topic of constipation and how to treat it), the Ethics Committee, the O5 Council and the Administrator all agreed to start neutralization testing.

All standard forms of neutralization were attempted. Nuclear explosions did not damage it, SCP-4514 did not appear to function and SCP-096 was currently unavailable due to being scheduled for crosstesting with SCP-682 and a deceased equine.

Below is the final neutralization attempt before funds were to be shifted elsewhere, performed by Researcher Christoph Ronald Ashington.

Start Log:

SCP-001-J can be seen at the bottom of its excavation from the tripod-mounted camera standing at the edge of it above.

Researcher Ashington walks up to the camera.

Ashington: Okay then, guess I'll be the one doing this. I hate pulling the short straw.

Ashington carefully makes his way down the slope towards SCP-001-J.

Ashington arrives at the bottom and approaches the right ear of SCP-001-J.

Ashington is seen whispering something into the ear of SCP-001-J, which is not picked up by the camera. SCP-001-J reacts with a surprised expression.

Ashington finishes talking and starts to quickly run back up the slope towards the camera, tripping several times.

As he comes closer he can be seen nervously looking back down at SCP-001-J which appears stressed, slightly vibrating and appearing to attempt to move its face around and towards the camera, but failing.

Shortly after this hume levels in the area begin to fluctuate tremendously, with SCP-001-J appearing to "flicker", before fully phasing in and out of existence, folding in on itself and bending in topologically impossible ways.

Thirty two second later, hume measurements stabilize at the base number of 10, with SCP-001-J completely phasing out of existence in this and all observable universes, dimensions and pataphysical and theological planes. It is at this time that all contained and known anomalies disappear in the same fashion.

Researcher Ashington approaches the camera.

Ashington: Well, uh, huh… guess all we needed to do to get rid of the root of all our problems… was to tell it "be there or be square".

End Log

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