Shit Happens
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Item #: SCP-5221

Object Class: Safe

Special Containment Procedures 22/11/1963: All anomalous individuals operating in the Dallas, Texas region from September to November of 1963 are to be interrogated/covertly investigated (depending on their level of hostility) as to their activities on the 22nd of November. Organizations with access to long-range anomalous weaponry in Cuba and Russia are being monitored for chatter related to Texas, Dallas, or President Kennedy. Provisional Site-5221 has been established to coordinate investigation efforts between Sites 65, 45, 37.

Special Containment Procedures 22/11/1983: Site-5221 has been closed and staff released to regular duties. All assets pertaining to the SCP-5221 investigation have been archived.

Description: SCP-5221 is the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. While mainstream belief alleges the murder was carried out by former Marine Lee Harvey Oswald, an investigation conducted by the Foundation1 concluded that it would've been impossible due to factors such as:

  • An unclear angle from the sixth floor of the Texas School Book Depository to JFK's car below at the time of the shooting.
  • A lack of gunpowder residue, the rifle, or ejected cartridges where the assassination was said to take place.
  • A cognitohazardous effect centered on Oswald that causes the viewer to believe Oswald was responsible for assassinating Kennedy.

The Foundation's official position is that Oswald was a false flag manufactured by the guilty parties in order to avoid apprehension.

Addendum 5221.1: Events of November 22nd, 1963

The purpose of Kennedy's trip to Texas, which had been publicly announced two months prior, was in order to mend tensions that had arose in the Democratic Party and set the stage for a re-election bid. Kennedy arrived at Dallas Love Field Airport at 11:25 A.M., and departed fifteen minutes later in an Lincoln convertible.

The presidential procession entered Dealey Plaza at approximately 12:30, where historical evidence alleges Oswald fired three shots from the sixth floor window of the Texas School Book Depository.

Employees of the depository have all stood by their sworn testimony that Oswald was a employee at the time of the shooting, and documents provided have supported this allegation. However, medical examinations revealed that small scars were present on their necks that they could not explain, and multiple employees had been suffering from headaches, persistent nausea, and vertigo: common side affects of amnestics.

Police records state that three 6.5×52mm brass cartridges had been found at the depository, despite the lack of any physical evidence of them. Similarly to the employees, the officers were also found to be experiencing amnestic side effects.

Addendum 5221.2: SCP-5221-B

SCP-5221-01 through 04 is the designation for the four anomalous entities/phenomena present in Dallas considered the most likely suspects in the investigation of SCP-5221.

jackie

SCP-5221-B-01.

SCP-5221-B-01 (Jackie Kennedy): Jackie Kennedy's paternal great-great grandfather Michel Bouvier was a Zend2 of the Neo-Sarkite cult known as the Société de la Fleur Sanglante (Society of the Bloody Flower). After the family's emigration from France the tradition continued, with several of her ancestors become integrated into local Sarkic communities. Jackie was known to use folkloric remedies for minor ailments.

Likelihood: 30%

Alibi: While her family was extensively involved in Neo-Sarkicisim, there remains no evidence that Jackie herself was an active practitioner beyond the use of minor remedies, nor is it clear what benefits the death of her husband would gain her. Her refusal of an ambassadorship to France under President Johnson was considered exculpatory evidence of any involvement.


burrows

SCP-5221-B-02.

SCP-5221-B-02 (Frederick Burrows): GoI-006 "Fifth Church" member Frederick Burrows was confirmed to have been three miles away from the procession at his Dallas Goldwater hotel branch. Known to possess highly dangerous psychokinetic abilities and a lack of empathy for non-Fifthist life.

Likelihood: 23%

Alibi: At this point in time, the Fifth Church was completely unknown to the Unusual Incidents Unit or other agencies. A high-profile assassination would have detrimentally affected their subterfuge with little political gain.


marvin

SCP-5221-B-03.

SCP-5221-B-03 (Marvin Lotor): A sapient raccoon named Marvin Lotor living in the Dallas metropolitan area. Utility as a Foundation informant on several anomalous narcotic gangs in the area has led to a hands-off policy towards its containment. Lotor has expressed strong socialistic views in the past,3 and has held contempt for the United States government since the failed Bay of Pigs invasion.

Likelihood: 16%

Alibi: While possessing greater than average intelligence for a raccoon, Lotor has not displayed any other anomalous abilities which would assist him in killing Kennedy or framing Oswald. Lotor claims to have been eating a hot dog he found in a trashcan at the time of the shooting.


SCP-5221-B-04 (Temporal Anomaly): An unknown temporal anomaly was detected city-wide the day of the assassination. Several clocks counted time backwards, organic decomposition was halted, and several eyewitnesses noted a man and woman in anachronistic clothing identical to photographs of Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow.4

Likelihood: 11%

Alibi: While suspect, there appears to be no evidence tying it to Kennedy. Further information unknown.

22/11/1983 Update: As no suspect has been found above a 40% probability calculation after twenty years, SCP-5221 has been archived.


Critters

  • Grigorikarpin
  • DrAkimoto
  • cybersqyd
  • nagiros
  • dune
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