Swords vs Guns

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3/XXXX LEVEL 3/XXXX
CLASSIFIED
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Item #: SCP-XXXX
Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Total containment is infeasible at this time, due to the nature of SCP-XXXX events. If an SCP-XXXX event is confirmed to have occurred, mass amnestics will be airdropped over a 1 km radius of the incident. Footage or photographs of the event circulated online will be removed by Foundation webcrawlers.

khanda

An Indian Khanda recovered from Event-XXXX-19.

Description:SCP-XXXX is the tentative designation given to a series of events wherein random individuals are stabbed in the chest by swords in public venues, with hundreds or thousands of witnesses.

Despite a large amount of potential eyewitnesses in all cases, witnesses are always turned away from the approximate origin location of the sword at the moment of appearance. The precise type of swords used have varied widely, with Indoneisian goloks, Japanese katanas, Chinese jians and Iberian falcatas all having manifested. Swords collected from events appear to be entirely non-anomalous.

An examination of victim's histories reveals that SCP-XXXX appears to target those with a connection to firearms. What SCP-XXXX considers a connection appears to be arbitrary/broad in scope, as SCP-XXXX events have occurred to those with the last names of arms companies or famous gun manufacturers, players of shooter video games, those belonging to the technical crew of any of the Godfather films, or fans of the English punk-rock band The Sex Pistols.

XXXX Event Log Excerpts:

SCP-XXXX-13 Samantha Barring Was singing along to American singer Lana Del Rey's Bartender1 when she was killed by a flamberge sword2 inside a friend's car during rush-hour traffic.
SCP-XXXX-23 Fredrick Wilson Low level accountant at Remington Arms Company. Killed by a Roman Gladius3 while at a company picnic.
SCP-XXXX-28 Justin Iglesias Political activist and gun store owner. Impaled by a European arming sword4 during a speech on the importance of an armed militia.
SCP-XXXX-37 Lucy Carrington Doctor at the Greater Utah Neurosurgery research center. Killed by a Japanese World War II's Shin guntō5 at work.
SCP-XXXX-44 Anthony Hegel Was discussing the Doom video game series with a coworker. Nearly decapitated by a Scottish claymore6 at a public park.





SCP-XXXX MOBILE TASK FORCE LOG


Mission Abstract: Finding and containing SCP-XXXX-1.
Mobile Task Force: MTF Pi-1 ("City Slickers")
[BEGIN LOG]

Romero: So, what exactly is this supposed to be?

Luc: Think it's from Game of Thrones. The, uh, guy who sleeps with his sister. Best we avoid guns, I guess.

Brant: Wait, how do you guys not know who Jaime fucking Lannister is?

Gonzales: Language, Brant, this is all going on transcripts.

Brant: Sorry, Captain. But have you guys been living under a rock for the past 8 years? Like I know season seven and eight weren't that great, god I could go on a tangent about that-

Luc: Anyways, let's try and focus on the mission, alright? Are we sure SCP-XXXX-1's gonna be here? Utah's pretty liberal when it comes to gun laws, could've gone anywhere. Like a gun store for one, don't think it's gonna think a piece of cardboard is a real firearm.

Brant: You've seen the logs, right? It's ridiculous, it'll kill for anything. And remember, it always looks for an audience. There's over a hundred thousand people at this thing every year, it'll-

Gonzales: Fuck. Yeah, Akiva levels are definitely out of whack. It's definitely here, or was here recently.

Brant: Alright, so it should be around here somewhere-

[screaming is heard from a nearby convention hall.]

Gonzales: Alright, that's us, move out. This is Pi-1, we're gonna need some aerosol amnestics fast, if we wanna keep this under wraps.

[PI-1 enters the convention hall, pushing through a horde of attendees rushing out. A man in a costume is on the ground, a sword in his chest.]

Brant: Got it right here, Captain. Where is it?

Gonzales: Right by the body. Don't think it knows we can see it.

Brant: There?

Gonzales: Little more to the right. A little more… yeah. Fire away.

[Brant empty his paintball magazine at the directed space, splattering against a humanoid shaped creature holding a sword like object.]

SCP-XXXX-1: Foul sorcerers! TODAY YOU MEET YOUR END AT THE HANDS OF THE FINEST WARRIOR ALIVE!

Gonzales: Well, you can't be very good if we've never heard of you.

Romero: Is that wise-

Gonzales: [Aside] I know what I'm doing. Sorry, who did you say you were again.

[SCP-XXXX-1 lowers its sword. At the same time it becomes visible, revealing itself to resemble a woman in her early thirties.]

SCP-XXXX-1 Surely you jest. Have I been gone for so many years that my face has been forgotten? No matter. If not my face endures, surely my deeds have. After all, who could possibly forget the goddess Sandraudiga, the painter of the sands!

[silence.]

SCP-XXXX-1: As in, painting the sands with your blood. I am a war goddess, after all.

Romero: Oh. Do the Netherlands even have sand?

SCP-XXXX-1: Well we have beaches, so yes. But enough talk! You must die for your crimes against the art of honorable combat!

Gonzales: Uh, could you excuse me for a moment? I forgot my weapon on my uh, horse.

[SCP-XXXX-1 frowns.]

SCP-XXXX-1: What?

Gonzales: Well, I assume we're going to be dueling to the death? I can't properly duel without my weapon, wouldn't, be um, uh… honorable.

SCP-XXXX-1: Ah, of course! But I'd be a barbarian if I let you go unarmed. Here, take one of mine.

As if pulling it from a sheath, SCP-XXXX-1 pulls another sword out of thin air, offering it to Gonzales

Gonzales: No, that's alright. Got the, uh, grip just how I like it. Besides, wouldn't be proper to just rely on other people's swords now would it?

SCP-XXXX-1 nods enthusiastically.

SCP-XXXX-1: Fly as swift as the wind, my good lady. I'm looking forward to killing you.

Gonzales: Er, likewise. [aside] Keep her busy.

[Gonzales exits the room.]

Romero: So, um… What exactly is a goddess doing at Comic Con?

SCP-XXXX-1: I'm happy to inform you! But first, let me ask you a question. Looking at all the years of humanity's greatest wars and battles, what would you say is the most perfect weapon ever devised?

Romero: I don't know, probably some form of nuclear-

[Romero is elbowed by Brant.]

Romero: I mean, the sword?

SCP-XXXX-1: Exactly! The Saxons, the Greeks, even the heretical Romans recognized the true beauty of the sword. A cowardly archer may attempt to claim superiority at a further range, but a swordsman can feel the weight of the sword in his hand as it tears through skin and bone. An elegant weapon from a more civilized age.

Luc: Did you just quote A New Hope- You know what, never mind. Think you were saying how you ended up here?

SCP-XXXX-1: Ah, yes. Long ago, I was leading my people against the Romans and their leader, Bellona, who challenged me to single combat to determine the fate of the battle. I stepped outside to duel, when she crushed me with her siege weapons! Then she dropped a fortress on me! Had to dig my way out of it. Never trust a Roman, you three.

Brant: Uh, we'll take your advice. But why exactly are you killing people two millennia later?

SCP-XXXX-1: Because they're treacherous roman cowards! These guns, as people call them, are completely dishonorable. Strength of arms matters little with them. A commoner can kill a seasoned warrior five times his equal with the press of a button! If no one else is correcting this behavior, I must. One coward at a time, starting with you three. Draw your weapons!

Brant: Fine fine, just had one more question. Why use swords? Like I get that they're honorable and all, but I'm sure it'd be easier another way. You are a goddess, after all. Sure you could just explode tus, or something.

Romero: [aside] What the hell are you doing?

SCP-XXXX-1: I… I don't have to answer to you, you sorcerer!

Luc: Wait a minute, the file said she's been tracing her way from the Netherlands to here. She took a boat across the Atlantic. Doesn't strike me as something an all powerful goddess would do.

Brant: So what, she's not actually a goddess?

Luc: No, she definitely is one, that's for sure. But she seems to be on the lower scale of them. Sword manifestation, sure, that's technically reality bending, but nothing I haven't seen before. If I had to guess, I'd say she's probably a Class… C?7

SCP-XXXX-1: If you three wish to die squabbling over my talents, so be it. I am still perfectly capable of killing all three of you. Never let it be said I did not offer you a chance at an honorable death-

[A small object flies into the room, landing at SCP-XXXX-1's feet. It picks it up, revealing it to be a grenade.]

SCP-XXXX-1: And what's this curious little thing-

Romero: Fuck, everyone get down!

[Pi-1 takes cover as the grenade explodes in SCP-XXXX-1's face, sending it flying backwards.]

Gonzales enters the room, carrying a grenade launcher.

Gonzales: You know, swords are great and all, but I definitely prefer my Milkor.

Brant: Well, took you awhile.

Gonzales: You have the key, remember? Had to bash open the case.

[SCP-XXXX-1 stirs in a pile of rubble.]

SCP-XXXX-1: Ugh… you cheat.

Gonzales: Hey, I said I was bringing my weapon, I didn't say what kind of weapon it was.

Gonzales aims her launcher at SCP-XXXX-1.

Gonzales: Now, how does a nice, comfy containment cell sound?

[END LOG]


Critters

  • stormbreath positive
  • Hammermaiden positive
  • trutherford negative
  • tanhony positive
  • roget "massive improvement"
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