“Hello?”
“Listen, we need to talk. Urgently.”
“Does the black moon ho-“
“Skip that bullshit, we’re both Foundation. Now listen up, this is important. All the anomalies are gone.”
“Jesus Christ! How the fuck are we gonna recontain everything? We’ll have to amnesticise half the population!”
“No, listen. Not breached. Gone. Everything is fucking empty. I thought some reality bender had gone ham in there, but the Hume levels didn’t change one bit.”
“Gimme a second. I need to check my security cams. Some alarm just sounded.”
“Yeah, alright.”
“What the fuck? There’s nothing on the cameras. Just a shit load of empty containment chambers. Is this a worldwide thing?”
“Apparently. You’re the first guy who hasn’t hung up screaming. But don’t worry, we’ll definitely make it through this shit, just not sure the Foundation will.”
“Hold up. If everything anomalous is gone, doesn’t that mean that some of the cloaking systems aren’t working?”
“Yes. The public are reacting just as you’d expect to a massive fucking research facility blasting out of a field. Some of this shit’s gonna be harder to contain than actual anomalies were, ‘specially as we can’t get amnestics from anante-whatever”
“Who?”
“The eel? Massive long thing in the ocean? Thaumiel Class?”
“I’ve got no clue what you’re talking about. What’s a Thaumiel?”
“What clearance level are you?”
“Three, provisionally four. Why? I’m standing in for the normal director right now, they’ve got flu.”
“Shit. I guess you’re all I can to work with.”
“And what’s a Thaumiel?”
“Not important. For now, we gotta adjust to everything being gone.”
“And why’d you call me? Surely oh-five should know about this first?”
“I thought you’d never ask. I am an Overseer. I’m the only one that’s left. They’d all modded themselves with so much anomalous tech that they’re lying on the ground in pieces.”
“Holy shit! You’re an Overseer, and you’re talking to me? I’ll do whatever you want.”
“Okay. First rule, stay on the phone. And don’t ask unnecessary questions.”
“What’s oh-oh-one? It’s blocked for me.”
“I just fucking told you not to ask unnecessary questions. And oh-oh-one never even existed. We’d put in a load of fake ones for level-fours to look at, but there’s never been a real one.”
“Why? Surely there’s something big enough.”
“It’s not about the size. We were saving it for something that affected the Foundation as a whole, not just a big dangerous monster.”
“Wait, wait. Is this oh-oh-one? Everything going poof?”
“Maybe. But that’s not an issue right now. I’m gonna have to announce all this shit publicly, and do something to stop everyone working here freaking the fuck out.”
“Mmm. You’ve got a good point. We don’t really do anything any more, do we? Which way are you gonna take this? Are we going to rebrand ourselves as a private prison?”
“Fuck no. We’re scientists, not guards. I’m not sure what we will do, but it sure as hell won’t be that. Anyway, I’ll have to go for a bit. I’m doing my emergency broadcast in a minute.”
“Wait a second. While you’re gone, can I write this up as oh-oh-one? I think we need to log it.”
“Sure, whatever you want. It’s not like the database’ll last past this week. I’ll have to put you on hold now, but keep the line open. I’m certain the phone service’ll be clogged up with fucking calls right now.”
“You still here?”
“Yeah. How’d TV go?”
“Honestly? No fucking clue. The police haven’t bust down the door yet, so not too bad”
“Any ideas for what you’re gonna do with the people who worked for ya?”
“Sorta. I’ve got a load of money in the stores. Gonna give some to the poor guys and gals, should hold them together until they can find a new job.”
“Oh, that includes me, doesn’t it? How much do I get?”
“No, I still need you. You’re kinda my right hand man now. If it’s at all important to you anymore, you can be officially an Overseer.”
“Does this mean I can see all the cool stuff?”
“Well, yeah, technically. In reality, the whole database will be deleted or in public domain in like two days. SHIT!”
“What? What is it?”
“I didn’t leave this room for the TV broadcast. There’s fucking body parts all over the floor. One of them armchair detective types’ll notice this, then I’ll have even more to explain.”
“Could’ve been worse. I’m just gonna check the camera footage of last night, see if anything interesting happened.”
“You got anything?”
“Hold on, shit’s still loading”
“Taking a while. Isn’t it normally stupid fast?”
“Fuck, the memory cards were anomalous. Needed it to store that much HD footage. You know of any sites that hadn’t quite caught up yet?”
“Not sure, but I can guess that oh-oh-one was pretty instant. All these remains around me don’t seem stressed or anything. Looks like they were there, then they weren’t.”
“How’d you survive? If you didn’t mod yaself with anomalies, how have you been around for so long? Apparently all you Overseers were like two hundred.”
“Most were improved, but not immortal. Freak accidents happen, we needed replacements, and I was picked. I’m still a bit green ‘round the edges, been on the council twenty years give or take. I’m only fifty-three. And I didn’t really want to augment myself with any of that shit; it seemed real suspect to me at the time. I’m sure, though, that if I was asked the same question in thirty years I’d be pretty likely to change my mind.”
“Guess you gotta be fully mortal like the rest of us now. Anyway, you never told me quite what you said on TV. I wanna add it to the file.”
“We don’t have time for that file right now. I just spouted some bullshit about how we put ancient evils in boxes to protect people. None of that morally grey stuff about the D-Class, the anomalies which weren’t evil, or the fact that we reset all life on Earth like ten thousand times.”
“What was that last part?”
“Oh, you don’t know two thousand, do you. It’s not an issue.”
“Well, you say that, but ten thousand times? I thought the Foundation would be better than that.”
“With like ten thousand registered anomalies and hundreds which caused the end of the world if we fucked up one thing, I was surprised when I found out the number wasn’t higher. Anyway, it don’t matter any more because everything fucking went poof.”
“I completely understand how you feel, man. But we gotta stay logical. Me and you have to work out what the Foundation’s gonna do after this, how we’re gonna keep this going.”
“You don’t understand this shit at all. You were allowed a fucking life. I know your file, you might live alone but you got a bunch of friends who ya see all the time. Not like me. I devoted every minute of the past twenty years to something which all came crashing down. Everyone I ever talked to for the past couple decades is lying in pieces on this fucking floor. When this shit is sorted, I really don’t know if I’ll be able to do this any more. I’m gonna become a fucking hermit, live out the rest of my days in some cave in Mongolia. But now, now I need to fix this with you.”
“Yeah, but we’ve still got no fucking clue what we’re gonna do. We have a real crisis here. There’s however many alien-looking buildings in fields in bumfuck nowhere, and now we don’t even have things to do in them. I’m honestly impressed you oh-fives had no plans for shit like this, ‘specially with ten thousand alternate Earths to practice.”
“Jesus, we need to calm down.”
“Agreed.”
“Let’s think really hard now. What could we do with a shit load of resources, both military and scientific?”
“Hmmm…. Wait! I’ve got an idea for the science half. Without world-ending anomalies to fix, we can fix fucking everything. We can cure cancer and all that. We can improve life for everybody. Thinking about it, all this containment shit was holding us back.”
“Yes, and we’ve got so much power that nobody could stop us. We could topple these corrupt leaders that seem to be everywhere. We could create a utopia, and we would rule it all.”
“No. We can’t do that. We’d barely be better than the dictators. I know that was how you ran the Foundation, but firstly, there were thirteen of you and secondly, the entire world is a bit different.”
“Fuck, I still think it’d be good. But I’ve been away from society for twenty years. Shit changes, I guess. You still up for becoming an altruistic research group?”
“Yeah, sounds good. You reckon the other guys working here will accept this?”
“They should do, they’ll still get paid.”
“Mmhm, and money does make the world go round. You better get back on TV now we have a better plan. Just promise none of that evil genius shit comes up.”
“Yeah bro, I promise. That bit was stupid of me. We’ll get through this, and be even better at the end of it. We could give the em-tee-effs to the United Nations for their Peacekeeping thing, if that’s alright with you.”
“Yeah, that sounds like the best thing to do. I’ll start making plans. What are you going to do with the database?”
“Ah, that. Well, I guess I’ll release it to the public. I’ll give you a few minutes to finish that oh-oh-one you were writing, that should be on there too.”
“I’m done now, thanks so much for letting me do this. And I have two more questions for you, if it’s alright. First, what are you gonna do about the whole body parts on TV issue?”
“Oh, that. I’m just gonna ignore it. I might make something up, but I’m sure there’s bigger issues for the public right now. What’s your other question?”
“Do you want to meet up some day, when we’ve sorted this out? Maybe get a drink?”
“Sure, that sounds great. See you later! You saved this number, right?”
“Yeah. I’m finally feeling hopeful for the future; we can make it all better together.”
“Hi, how are things?”
“Not great to be honest. We aren’t out the water quite yet.”
“Why?”
“Remember how I was sorta unclear when I appeared on TV? Well, when we released the whole database it was a little more clear. And the public aren’t happy.”
“Surely you can explain this to them, say that some things needed pretty bad shit to be done to keep them contained. And explain what would’ve happened if there was no containment.”
“I’ve tried already, but they’re not really listening. We’re in some pretty deep shit right now.”
“Ugh. I guess the research project thing’s on hold then?”
“Mmm. Indefinite hiatus until we can get ourselves out of this situation.”
“What are we gonna do? We can’t get amnestics from the eel any more, so there’s no chance we make enough to treat them all.”
“Could this all just stop, do people get bored? I’ve been pretty absent from the world for quite a long time, no idea how the public react to this shit.”
“Honestly, it depends. We’re not a rich nation that sells oil to the states, so they won’t accept this I don’t think.”
“Wasn’t the states’ government aware of us? Couldn’t they like, cover it up?”
“I’m not sure they will. The Foundation’s main goal is unnecessary now, and the health companies that lobby the government wouldn’t want a cure for diseases. They prefer pricey lifelong treatment.”
“Fuck, is it still that bad? I thought we’d be past that now. Agh, what do we do to fix this now?”
“Maybe we do have to take control. Not violently. Politically. You think we can still fix an election?”
“Yeah, but everyone hates me. They’d smell a rat straight away if I was elected.”
“Not you. Me. They don’t even know who I am.”
“Oh. Yeah. Give me a couple weeks. I’ll make the necessary calls and get you some campaign posters. This isn’t the first time we’ve fixed American politics.”
“Until then, just stay hidden. I don’t want you getting hurt. Please.”
“Will do. See ya in a couple weeks.”
“Bye.”
“Hello”
“Hi. How’s the election fixing going?”
“Decently. My people say there’s an almost one hundred percent chance you win. And the public don’t seem to hate you either. You’re pretty moderate for a Republican.”
“Why the fuck am I a Republican?”
“Sorry about that bit, we thought making you a Democrat was too suspect. Anyway, you’ll need to work on your public speaking. Even though the numbers will be rigged, you still gotta do some rallies.”
“Ahh, public speaking. I’m not great at that, but I’ll try.”
“I’ll be going now. If you get a call from an unknown number, please pick up. I’m getting paranoid ‘bout my phone getting bugged some day, so I’ll be changing number pretty often.”
“See you soon.”
“Hello?”
“Hi, sorry it’s been a while. You got elected as Republican candidate, right?”
“Yeah. Election is next month I think. What’ve you been up to the past few months?”
“Hiding, swapping from house to house, you know the drill. I even tried being a hermit, but the isolation was too painful.”
“You know, when this has all blown over, the offer for a drink is still open.”
“Thanks. But first, we need to sort this.”
“Mmhm. See ya! Stay out of harm. Just, don’t call me until next year. Unless it’s urgent.”
“Guess who’s fucking president!”
“Great. I didn’t even know, I’ve been completely off the grid the last few months. I was doing the whole hermit thing again. And I’ve been wondering. What have the Foundation staff been doing since oh-oh-one?”
“They’ve been fine off of the money you gave them. And they’ll be getting jobs back here soon.”
“Anyway, what are you planning for your inauguration speech? The whole Foundation thing is still a hot topic, right?”
“Lukewarm, I’d say. ‘Specially as you disappeared off the surface of the Earth. I’ll still mention it in the speech though.”
“Cool.”
“Alright, I best get planning. See you later!”
“See you!”
“Hello.”
“Hi, can you hear me?”
“Yes.”
“Cool. I’m about to do the speech. Turn on the radio or something, you’ll probably wanna hear it.”
“Will do. See you.”
“Hi!”
“Thanks for that speech. I think it actually helped us, Twitter seems like they’ve changed their minds. I’ve not checked other social media yet, but I reckon it’ll be similar.”
“Amazing! I’ve sorta got president work to do now, so I’ll have to be slightly less involved in the Foundation things. You think you can take it on yourself?”
“Yeah, I should manage. And on to your drink offer. You want to meet at the gay bar nearest the White House this Friday evening?”
“Sure. You think you’ll get there in time?”
“Definitely, I’ll get there. See you then.”
“Will do. Bye!”
“Bye!”