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Special Containment Procedures
SCP-X is to be kept in a standard sized tidal vivarium. As of 02/18/2019, SCP-X is to be provided its food on miniature sized dish-ware. SCP-X is to be fed proportionately sized dishes approved by SCP-X leads Dr. Marigold and/or Researcher Crane. SCP-X-A and SCP-X-B are to be blocked from public access using Site-23 Webcrawler Delta-689 ("CRABBYEATER"). Any references to SCP-X, SCP-X-A and SCP-X-B-1 and SCP-X-B-2 are to be downloaded to a secure hard drive and removed by Delta-689.
Description
SCP-X is a sentient caribbean hermit crab (Coenobita clypeatus). SCP-X is capable of speaking and understanding the human language; it is fluent in English, Spanish, Portuguese, Irish, French, and Italian, and possesses knowledge of slang terms common in modern Scotland. SPC-X's IQ is equivalent to that of an average young adult human. Prior to containment, SCP-X ran and operated a website titled "CrabbyReviewsfood.kom" (designated SCP-X-A), along with the corresponding accounts on the social media platforms Instagram and Twitter both titled Crabbythecritic" (designated SCP-X-B-1 and SCP-X-B-2) which were designated to reviewing restaurants.
INTERVIEW LOG
Interviewed: SCP-X
Interviewer(s): Researcher Oliver Crane, Dr. Juniper Marigold
Foreword: The following interview was conducted in order to gain a better understanding of SCP-X's motives.
<Begin Log>
Researcher Crane: Hello there. My name is Researcher Crane. The woman to my left is Dr. Marigold.
Dr. Marigold: [nods] Hello.
Researcher Crane: We're to interview you today.
SCP-CRAB: Interview me? Interview me? You mean as like a review? No no no, you must be confused. Poor things. But no worries, I will clear this all right up for you! I am Crab. What a great name, eh? I don't get interviewed, I do the interviewing. So. What is this fine establishment we got here? I have to admit… my first impression wasn't… too great. Your food is, oh how do I say this politely… plain.
Researcher Crane: I'm not going to argue with you, lad. But I would prefer if you'd cooperate. I know you're used to sharing your opinion, but at the moment we'd just like you to answer some questions.
Dr. Marigold: Your name is Crab? I'd think being able to access the internet would give you lots of choices. Not judging.
SCP-CRAB pauses for six seconds.
SCP-CRAB: And what to it?… I assume that you have internet access, and I'm not complaining about your names. Why is— Wait, Me? Uncooperative? You two are the ones that won't answer my questions. Now I'm a civil fellow, so I won't dare mention the 'm word', don't worry.
Researcher Crane: "M word"? What do you mean by that?
SCP-CRAB: Oh, uh… Manager. Sorry! I know that can be touchy. Shelly has no problem bringing out that word but at restaurants it can be the worst thing a customer says.
Dr. Marigold: You know more crabs that review food?
SCP-CRAB: Well, it's a generally small group, only five of us. And Shelly isn't a crab. She's a clam. What are you getting at? Are you calling me weird? Okay, that's it. I demand to speak to your MANAGER!
Researcher Crane: I am the head director of your containment.
Dr. Marigold: I didn't mean to offend you. I was just asking a question.
SCP-CRAB: Containment? It appears that you are not confused… I am. What is going on?
Researcher Crane: I was under the impression that you knew. This is a scientific research and containment facility. To most, you're considered anomalous. Most crabs cannot communicate with humans.
Dr. Marigold: Hopefully that clears things up.
SCP-CRAB: … What gave you that impression? Cleary I don't!
Researcher Crane: Look lad, we didn't mean to upset you. Typically sentient and sapient anomalies are informed before the first interview when it's done face to face.
SCP-CRAB: Wait wait wait, I'm still confused.
Dr. Marigold: What confuses you?
SCP-CRAB: WAIT. I got it now. I'm an anomaly, and you are studying me! So you're… reviewing me? Well that's new.
Dr. Marigold: It took you awhile to get that.
SCP-CRAB: Sometimes I can be a bit slow. Humans are hard to communicate with, they move so quickly.
Dr. Marigold: So SCP-X, your designation number, out of curiosity, why do you like to review food? What got you started?
SCP-CRAB: What got you started as a doctor? My food critic days just came to me. I can't quite recall how. I was strolling along the bay one day, had a meal, had an opinion of it and thought "Hey! I should do this!"
Researcher Crane: You wanted to share your opinion? Did you already know how to use technology? Did you already have access?
SCP-CRAB: As far as I remember, I've always know how do to it. Can I have my phone? It is smaller than devices that would be sized to you, so I understand if you misplaced it. But I would like to have it back now. Wait. Designation number. I'm Crab. Can't you call me Crab? Or at the very least, SCP-Crab? Super Crabby Person. Except I'm not a person, I'm a crab.
Dr. Marigold: I apologize, but it is protocol to call you by your designated number.
SCP-CRAB: That is so stupid. Can we look at my internet accounts? Oh those are my pride and joy.
Dr. Marigold: Researcher Cherry has been tasked with reviewing your website and accounts.
SCP-CRAB: Well can she do that with me?
Researcher Crane: I'm afraid he cannot. You will only be allowed access to your accounts for testing purposes.
SCP-CRAB: Testing purposes? You mean like when I test food? Cause I've already had some, and my phone was no where to be seen.
Researcher Crane: No, lad. Look. You're clearly confused. Maybe we should start again after you've had some time to process your situation. I don't know how else to explain it to you.
SCP-CRAB: Oh. Okay! Sounds good to me. I'm hungry. Are you hungry?
Researcher Crane: [smiles] We can get you your meal soon.
<End Log>
Closing Statement: The existence of other animals mentioned by SCP-X to be similar to it in nature has been noted, and research into the aforementioned has been scheduled for the near future.
INTERVIEW LOG
Interviewed: SCP-X
Interviewer(s): Researcher Oliver Crane, Researcher Charlie Cherry
Foreword: The following is the follow up to the previously conducted interview with SCP-X with the intention of gaining a better understanding of SCP-X.
<Begin Log>
Researcher Crane: Hello, SCP-X. This is Researcher Cherry, the one who I've tasked with reviewing your site and accounts. I thought it would help if he talked with you, to gain an idea of your personality. It could help with analyzation.
SCP-CRAB: Hello there sir! Man, your name sounds like a girl and you have long hair like a girl.
Researcher Cherry: Yeah, I know. I get that a lot. Let's move on. So, I looked at your accounts, they're impressive. Seems you had quite the career.
SCP-CRAB: Thank you.
Researcher Crane: How did you create the website? It appears to be of high quality, and has its own domain name. You must of registered and purchased the domain name. Do you have a bank account?
SCP-CRAB: Do you have a bank account?
Researcher Crane: Can you answer the question, lad?
Researcher Cherry: Judging from the last logs, I'm guessing the answer is yes. He seems surprised you're asking him these things as if the answer is obvious.
SCP-CRAB: Exactly! I have a bank account, you have a bank account, it's pretty average, really.
Researcher Cherry: I though we had established that it isn't.
Researcher Crane: What about going to these restaurants you review? Do people find it odd to see a crab dining at the table next to them?
SCP-CRAB: Sometimes they take pictures, but they don't seem to find it odd, no.
Researcher Crane: It seems interacting with humans is normal to you. You seem to view us as equals, yes?
SCP-CRAB: Well, yes. It is odd to me that you seem to think I'm strange. Fascinating, really.
Researcher Crane: Did you always think this way?
Researcher Cherry: Did anyone find it strange? Or did you grow up in a town with humans?
Researcher Crane: You have mentioned other sea creatures. Did your group regularly interact with humans?
SCP-CRAB: Yes, yes I did. Did you— you know what, i'll drop it. But yes, yes I did. Me and my friends lived in the animal section of a beach town. Everything was made small just for us. They even made the road ways special with a barrier so one of your human contraptions could never run us over.
Researcher Cherry: You mean cars?
SCP-CRAB: No, I mean bicycles. And sometimes motorcycles. No one drives cars on a beach. Are you crazy?
Researcher Crane: Do you know the name of this town?
SCP-CRAB: I can't recall at this moment. BeachSide something. Oh! That's it! BeachSide Something! Lovely place.
Researcher Crane: Hm, thank you for letting us know.
<End Log>
Closing Statement:
INTERVIEW LOG
Interviewed:
Interviewer:
Foreword:
<Begin Log>
Interviewer:
Person:
Interviewer:
<End Log>
Closing Statement:
INTERVIEW LOG
Interviewed:
Interviewer:
Foreword:
<Begin Log>
Interviewer:
Person:
Interviewer:
<End Log>
Closing Statement:
<DianaBerry> Barredowl: how do I give a narrative to a food critic hermit crab
5:48 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon Of the inoccent? I'm in
5:48 PM <barredowl> i'm not the judge of that, really
5:48 PM uhh
5:48 PM → theycallmetim joined (~ten.xoc.ds.ds.F68A5DCE-CRInys|criigc#ten.xoc.ds.ds.F68A5DCE-CRInys|criigc)
5:48 PM <barredowl> let me think
5:48 PM <rubberchickenzilla> DianaBerry: has an existential crisis because it can't be a food critic in foundation custody
5:48 PM <DianaBerry> I guess it's my job then
5:48 PM rubberchickenzilla: oo I can work with that
5:49 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon That's sad
5:49 PM <DianaBerry> So like it's being non compliant and all the interviews are it getting mad and talking about its food critic days
5:50 PM then the ethics committee decides to set up his meal time like a restaurant so he can be a food critic again
5:50 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon So they just get annoyed and give it like a rock a month to critique
5:50 PM <DrMoned> barredowl I mean your critic was pretty good, just think of how to crabify it ;p
5:50 PM <DianaBerry> yes
5:50 PM <barredowl> ;)
5:50 PM <DianaBerry> it's perfect
<DianaBerry> I'm serious I'm gonna use this
5:50 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon Dewit
5:50 PM <barredowl> hooray
5:50 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon Do the dew
5:51 PM <BoogeyMobile23> "I used to rate michelin star restaurants! Now I get taco tuesday at site-17…"
5:51 PM <Scottyhoff_> simon Don't feed him the talking 🌮
5:52 PM Fucking hell it autocorrected to an emoji
5:52 PM <DianaBerry> I'm using that too
Diana: Basically he is a food critic at his core. He acts pretty full of himself, but deep inside he's just sad he can't do what he loves anymore.
Diana: His website is called "CrabbyReviewsfood.kom", his instagram and twitter is called "Crabbythecritic"