The One Where Site-69 Fucking Explodes
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Really? Did you really think Site-69 was gonna be a real thing? Come on. You're smarter than this. Jesus.

Well, Site-69 is real, but only kind of. It only exists within the temporal anomaly of SCP-3455. Which is kind of weird, but there's some advantages to it. Since Site-69 focuses on self-contained temporal anomalies, it's kinda good that it exists within a self-contained temporal anomaly.1 In addition, it means that people working there only have to work 47 days every year.2 But I have to admit, it makes record keeping really fucking annoying, since we have to keep track of two versions of everybody and everything.

So yeah, the record keeping is the hard part, and also the beginning of the story behind why Site-69 fucking exploded. It's not a very long story, sure, but there's a beginning and an end for sure.3

You see, like all sites, Site-69 possessed on-site warheads. Alpha Warheads for controlled detonations of the underground area, and Omega Warheads for blowing up everything in the general area and just overall fucking shit up. And as you know, warheads have a tendency to fucking explode.

Site-69's Site Director at the time, whose name I will not say because they are my supervisor and they will kick my ass if I talk bad about them,4 is a fucking dumbass. Like, no offense,5 but wow, could they not have done better with hiring directors?6

Anyways, back to the story. So from 1999 to 2005, there was this big7 war between China and the USA in the SCP-3455 temporal anomaly. Can't exactly remember the reason. Both sides started using anomalous weaponry, but we didn't think to ask where they got that weaponry.8

Remember how I said record keeping was difficult? Yeah, after we checked, double-checked, and triple-checked, it turned out we were missing the fucking nuclear warheads at Site-69. Somebody had stolen our nukes and we had no idea who, when, or why.9 Turned out the Chaos Insurgency and Global Occult Coalition had both used teleportation anomalies to steal our nukes and were planning on shooting them at each other. We still had a few left though, so we aimed ours as well. Long story short, we shot two, the GOC shot two, and the CI shot two. Turns out if a location with multiple nukes onsite gets hit by two other nukes in relatively short succession…

…it fucking explodes.10

So that was the situation. Six nukes, three organizations, and one war. Everybody was pissed at everybody, and everybody had experienced at least one big fucking explosion. But that's not the end of the story. At this point, nobody knew what was going on,11 so everything just collapsed. Hostilities between the US and China basically stopped in Liberary of 2005. But the confusion between the paranatural organizations continued to pull us apart.12

Eventually, the GOC lost a lot of funding from the more pacifistic UN countries because they were seen as having performed an act of aggression with nuclear weapons, and they had to look to the Foundation for help, just years after they fucking nuked us.13 The Chaos Insurgency had lost one of their most important facilities, so they crumbled like a house of cards when we sent MTFs into their remaining sites.

So with the Coalition under our thumb and the Insurgency scattered,14 there was basically nobody to stop us from proceeding as we saw fit. Site-69 was no more, but we would rebuild it. Not only that, but we would rebuild everything.15 The war was over, and the world would survive.16

And that's how Site-69 fucking exploding led to a world run by the benevolent SCP Foundation. Well, for 47 out of 411 days a year, at least.17

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