SCP-2718-J
rating: +2+x

Is this really it?
Is this how the world must end?
Did anything we do have any meaning at all?

Site 56. You'd remember it clear as day, wouldn't you? Desert plant, looking over a flat bed of sand and cacti. For a solitary moment, you forget why you traveled all this way to a location you conveniently a) knew the location of, despite never having worked here, and b) were wandering the same desert it sat in, all the while c) having enough grit, luck, and rations to make it here in the face of an apocalypse that presumably wiped out all non-blobby life on earth, or made death impossible, or just put a bunch of dead musicians together or something.

Still, you've got a sweet, sweet framing device to get to, and the horribly-encrypted documentation is ripe for the taking.

Your first steps into the abandoned facility are timid, though as you begin to realize that getting caught before you actually access the docs would be a pretty shitty ending, your pace quickens.


BY ORDER OF THE OVERSEER COUNCIL

The following file is Level 0/2718-J classified. Unauthorized access is forbidden.

2718-J

Item #: SCP-2718-J Level 0/2718-J
Object Class: Safe1 Classified

Special Containment Procedures: Containment personnel assigned to the SCP-2718-J are to create a fake page for SCP-2718-J in the interests of wasting the reader's time. Because none of the fake-out page material has any bearing on the final product, its contents will be employed in the form of a long-winded author tract about esoteric garbage.

The SCP Foundation is to reject the usage of unauthorized "reader apps" in access of the Foundation Database. New hires are to be reminded that the L7-Foundry browser installed onto company tech is sufficient in the accessibility of pages, while retaining features

Furthermore, the SCP Foundation is to lament the fact that centipedes and worms are considered gross by the standards of modern society while bestial abomination such as horses are revered. It is additionally tasked with informing the general public about the necessity of seemingly "gross" bug species within the ecosystem, even wasps and mosquitoes, and instructed on the futility of eliminating a species for the crime of annoying a bunch of uppity primates (at least beyond the elimination of diseases such as yellow fever and malaria). Twice per day, Foundation personnel are to say a single nice thing about a bug for once in their miserable fucking lives, like seriously have you seen how cute they are jesus fucking c

Description: SCP-2718-J is Joseph Stalin's mustache. Further information is withheld as a form of clickbait.


WARNING: THE FOLLOWING FILE IS LEVEL 5 6/2718-J CLASSIFIED


ANY ATTEMPT TO ACCESS THIS FILE WITHOUT LEVEL 6 7/2718-J AUTHORIZATION WILL BE LOGGED AND WILL LEAD TO IMMEDIATE [DATA LOST].

Item#: 2718-J
Level6
Containment Class:
esoteric
Secondary Class:
heimpollyksur-principalis
Disruption Class:
amida
Risk Class:
critical

Self-Importance Level: DAMMERUNG

stalin.jpg

PoI-2718-J ("Joseph Stalin"), several years before Incident 2718-GOOF-J.

Site and Personnel Requirements: Information regarding SCP-2718-J is to be hidden in a random terminal within USNVBR-Site-56, and encrypted by a novel authentication system rendering this file accessible upon either of the following conditions:

  • Personnel with 7 8/2718-J level clearance complete requisite password, biometric, memetic, and upvote-based authentication.
  • A non-employee attempts to access the requisite information following a narratively-convenient K-Class Scenario.

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-2718-J cannot be contained without compromising the integrity of this article's gravitas.

Mobile Task Force Alpha-1-J ("The Goon Squad")


If you're reading this, I'm sorry to say that there's nothing we can do. No kilometer-long tube of artillery or fabled hero, no panacea to launch into the belly of the beast, and no concepts to contain.

logo.png
May we find peace in whatever awaits beyond the veil.

- Administrator Drummond
tell izzy, beth, and annie that i'm sorry it had to come to this


Description: SCP-2718-J is Joseph Stalin's mustache.


[DATA LOST]
rating: +2+x








This is a rewrite of… I remember getting permission to do this but it's been a year or so since I last touched this.

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