Opening Statment

Put stuff here

1st Point

Put stuff here

2nd Point

Put stuff here

3rd Point

End Statment

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13972208/a-dollar-store-wish-card-seeking-green-lights

So this idea is very bare-bones, and is pretty much a thing that does a thing. For an article to do well on the site, it needs to have a narrative, or in other words a story you will tell through the course of the article. I highly recommend thinking of a story you would like to tell with this SCP, and editing your above post. Keep in mind that the word limit for the last four sections is 400 words. You have about 76 words right now, so I recommend expanding on this idea quite a bit.

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13972241/dimensional-snow#post-4864472

Hi there! Disclaimer I am not a veteran reviewer and I'm unable to provide Greenlights.

Lets take a look at this.

Here are some areas of the idea that seemed problematic to me.

The foundation discovers the SCP in 1980 after a man commits suicide in his house via anomalous means.

Suicide is a very touchy subject. I don't recommend using this lightly, and if you do decide to use this, you should make sure that it makes sense in the narrative. Also you should elaborate on what "anomalous means" is. You should include all details that will be important to the narrative of the article so that reviewers will have a good understanding of what your article will be.

proven via use of SCP-507.

I don't think you should use 507 here. Your first article should stand on its own, so you should try and avoid leaning on other articles. Try and think of a different way of proving that the snowflakes contain pocket dimensions.

Any changes made to the dimension will change its represented snowflake and destruction of the snowflake will cause the destruction of its represented universe.

You should elaborate on what these changes would look like. I am also curious on how the Foundation would be able to witness these effects. Are they able to enter the snowflakes, or observe them in some other way?

So you have yourself a nice anomaly here, but you don't do very much with it. The most important part of an SCP is the narrative surrounding it, not the SCP itself. You should expand upon this idea, and edit your post above. You have only utilized 106 words of the 400 word limit, so you have a lot of room for adding details. Hope this helped. Good luck.

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13972231/recontainment-procedures#post-4864487

Hi there! Disclaimer I am not a veteran reviewer and I'm unable to provide Greenlights.

This is a pretty interesting concept, but I feel like some more details are needed.

A humanoid entity that recontains breached/breaching anomalies within its relevant location. Due to this, it is classified as a Thaumiel of sorts.

This could very well be a Thaumial, which is pretty cool, though I would like to know how the collector is able to contain the anomaly that it finds, and why. Keep in mind that writing a humanoid SCP is very difficult, because you will need to make sure that they are realistic and not just a shallow character.

The SCP is discovered after being sighted "collecting" multiple anomalies by a Foundation operative.

What kind of anomalies? What sort of things do they collect? Like I said before, you should expand on the details on the how and why the SCP does these things.

The SCP has another anomalous trait that is detailed in the draft that I made.

You should add this to the idea post then. You should explain the entirety of your idea so reviewers can have a good idea of what your plans for the article are. So far you have only used 156 out of the 400 word limit, so you have a lot of room to expand on the idea.

Over all this is a pretty interesting idea, and with the right execution could be very good. I would be curious to see how you plan on telling this story, and to learn more about the SCP. I suggest editing the post in order to give us a better idea of what is going on in this idea.

Hope this helped, and good luck.

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13971113/chearleader-pom-poms-seeking-greenlight#post-4864502

[Summoned via PM]

Hi there! Disclaimer I'm not a veteran reviewer and I'm unable to provide Greenlights. Without further ado…

Lets take a look at this.

It looks like I will be echoing the same points as Dr Sage Evergreen because I like this a lot. I am a big fan of emotional articles like this, and I think this is a very well thought out idea. The most important thing to keep in mind with this article will be execution. Like cybersqyd said, you will need to be careful that you do not give away the ending too early on. You could solve this with Dr Sage Evergreen's idea, and a good example of an article that tells a story in this way would be SCP-5866. It is told from a viewpoint of an article that is in the process of being written. You could do something similar to this, perhaps having a separate researcher re editing the file in order to fix his mistakes, and slowly finding out what happened through the course of the edits. I honestly wish I could greenlight this, but sadly I can't. That is why I recommend going over to the IRC chatrom, and going over to #thecritters. You can post a link to your forum page there, and this will help you find your final greenlight.

To summarize, I like this idea a lot, and I wish you luck going forward. I hope I see this in the Draft Forum soon.

http://www.scpwiki.com/forum/t-13961272/star-euthanizer

Because Quad has already given you his once over, I will be going more in depth with the tone. I can already say I agree with what Quad has said, so I will be expanding on that. Without further ado!

It's time for some critique.

All telescopes capable of deep-space astrophotography are monitored by satellite following standard procedure.

This sentence reads a little weird to me. I would recommend changing it. Also keep in mind that you will need to change these on the other pages as well.

"All deep-space observatories are to be monitored by satellite following standard procedure."

The production and selling of new telescope parts such as refractors have been limited to companies where a sufficient number of undercover Foundation personnel is present.

Just a couple of word changes would hep this flow a bit better.

"The production and selling trade of new telescope parts such as refractors have been limited to companies where a sufficient number of undercover Foundation personnel is are present.

All images of SCP-XXXX are intercepted by the Foundation AI "Binary star", saved in the Foundation database, and subsequently deleted from public records. Witnesses must be administered Class B amnestics.

Same with this one.

"All images of SCP-XXXX are to be intercepted by the Foundation AI "Binary star", saved in the Foundation database, and subsequently deleted from public records. Witnesses must Those who witness the anomaly are to be administered Class B amnestics.

The exact composition cannot be confirmed due to the inability to take a sample.

I would change this slightly.

"The exact composition cannot be confirmed due to the inability to take difficulty in acquiring a sample.

SCP-XXXX is the object where the first zeppelin blueprints are based on.

Just one word.

"SCP-XXXX is the object where that the first zeppelin blueprints are based on.

On 4 December 1872, Ferdinand von Zeppelin claimed to have seen an oblate spheroid spaceship from a telescope.

I know you said that you would change this, but I think it should stay this way. Adds a bit of historical accuracy that gives this article a nice flavor. There is one change though.

"On 4 December 1872, Ferdinand von Zeppelin claimed to have seen an oblate spheroid spaceship from a with his telescope."

The Foundation administered him with amnestics. Due to the lesser quality of amnestics at the time, Ferdinand von Zeppelin did not suffer from complete memory-loss and had a few fragments left of SCP-XXXX in his subconsciousness.

This sentence can be structured in a better way.

"The Foundation He was administered him with amnestics. , however due to the lesser quality of amnestics at the time, Ferdinand von Zeppelin did not suffer from complete memory-loss and had a few fragments left of SCP-XXXX in his subconsciousness."

the Foundation decided to let von Zeppelin invent new aircraft with undercover personnel besides him as manual laborers.

Some more suggestions.

"the Foundation decided to let allow von Zeppelin to invent new aircraft with undercover personnel besides him planted as manual laborers."

It was anticipated that von Zeppelin eventually would develop a scaled-down version of SCP-XXXX.

I would switch the words ""eventually" and "would" in this sentence.

"It was anticipated that von Zeppelin would eventually develop a scaled-down version of SCP-XXXX."

On 28 August 1903, several researchers educated in astrology sighted SCP-XXXX

I feel like you could cut some of this sentence. Sense I would assume researchers searching for SCP-XXXX know a thing or two about astrology.

"On 28 August 1903, several researchers educated in astrology sighted SCP-XXXX-"

Personnel with Level 5 Clearance may use the Diplomat Terminal to view the communication logs with SCP-XXXX-1.

"may" doesn't sound very clinical. I would recommend changing this to "are allowed to".

"Personnel with Level 5 Clearance may are allowed to use the Diplomat Terminal to view the communication logs with SCP-XXXX-1."

SCP-XXXX is a dark metallic spacecraft roaming through space with one passenger on board, designated SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX serves as a transportation vessel and vault for SCP-XXXX-1.

This can be trimmed down some.

"SCP-XXXX is a dark metallic spacecraft roaming through space with one passenger on board, designated SCP-XXXX-1. SCP-XXXX that serves as a transportation vessel and vault for SCP-XXXX-1."

SCP-XXXX-1 "Glen" is an entity from which age nor origin have been successfully investigated.

One word change here.

"SCP-XXXX-1 "Glen" is an entity from which whose age nor origin have been successfully investigated."

-and store it inside of SCP-XXXX.

Don't think the "of" fits there.

"and store it inside of SCP-XXXX."

SCP-XXXX-1 is very knowledgeable about space and space-navigation in general to the extent that it can leap several lightyears worth of distance in mere minutes.

I think you can trim some fat here because you can already infer that SCP-XXXX-1 is knowledgeable about space.

"SCP-XXXX-1 is very knowledgeable about space and space-navigation in general to the extent that it can leap capable of leaping several lightyears worth of distance in mere minutes."

Due to the distance and interference, it took the message one week to reach Earth/SCP-XXXX-1. Below are the full communication logs with SCP-XXXX-1 from the terminal.

Some trimming.

"Due to the distance and interference, it took the message one week to reach Earth/SCP-XXXX-1. Below are the full communication logs with SCP-XXXX-1 from the terminal."

- GLEN, SCP-XXXX-1, THE RESETTER OF THE UNIVERSE

| CONNECTION BROKEN MANUALLY
| END HISTORY

I love this. That is why I recommend cutting everything after this. Like Quad said, I like the idea of a good god patrolling space protecting us, but I feel like this would be a far more impactful ending.

All in all I like this article a lot. To answer the questions you proposed on the forum I will say that the 2nd page is fine, your dialogue is great, and I love the twist. The one thing I would recommend thinking about is a way of making the text that has been added over the various iterations of the article pop out more. I have seen articles change the color of new text to blue or red, and I think it could work with this. I would also recommend getting some more critique. This is very close to something great, but there is probably things Quad and I have missed. I hope this was helpful and good luck.

http://timebox.wikidot.com/mekhanics-of-la-rue Tab 2

Hi Blue! I'm glad to finally get to see this. I will start by saying I like this narrative a lot. iirc this is the first time the Gatormen will be shown, so I love this immediately. However because of this, I will be mostly focusing on Sentence structure, and SPaG. Without further ado…

Disclaimer: So sense this is set in La Rue, there is a high chance that something I bring up might be intentional, so please take what I say with a grain of salt.

I take it the natural wildlife is something not to take lightly?

Small change in phrasing.

"I take it the natural wildlife is something not to take be taken lightly?"

Josephine followed and saw their boyfriend, Benjamin, sat in the corner.

"sat" sounds weird here. I would use "sitting".

"Josephine followed and saw their boyfriend, Benjamin, sat sitting in the corner"

For Josephine, it was nothing more than a minor nuisance but for Benjamin…

Comma.

"For Josephine, it was nothing more than a minor nuisance, but for Benjamin…"

Sure, he and Josephine would share moments together while on this trip that were nice but losing access to the Noosphere for so long left Benjamin very sad, something that not even Josephine could pull him out of.

Comma.

"Sure, he and Josephine would share moments together while on this trip that were nice, but losing access to the Noosphere for so long left Benjamin very sad, something that not even Josephine could pull him out of."

He offered one to them but Josephine shook their head, not feeling thirsty.

I feel like you could cut the end off this sentence. The rest does a good job of showing us that information.

"He offered one to them but Josephine shook their head, not feeling thirsty."

Black Jaw sat on the desk and popped open the top with a flick of his finger and slurps it down slowly, so as to enjoy each taste.

I would personally change this, but it can work either way.

"Black Jaw sat on the desk and popped open the top with a flick of his finger and slurps it down slowly, so as to he could enjoy each taste."

"Gatorpeople,"

Should be a period.

"Gatorpeople, ."

Josephine smiled before they began their walk out of the doorway, their feet grabbing onto the timber steps as hard they can before they made it topside.

"can" sounds weird. Maybe "could"? Also you use "top side" in the sentence after this. Either or is fine, but you should keep both the same.

"Josephine smiled before they began their walk out of the doorway, their feet grabbing onto the timber steps as hard they can could before they made it topside."

The creature mimicked them as best as they could, lacking a weapon it attempted to copy them as best as they could.

Phrasing here is a little odd.

"The creature mimicked them as best as they could, lacking a weapon it attempted to copy them as best well as they it could."

They had been thrown head over heels only to be thrown off the edge

Comma, and I feel like this could be worded differently.

"They had been thrown head over heels, only to be thrown and off the edge"

Benjamin didn't speak. The only thing that Benjamin did was close his eyes and cries into Josephine's chest, sobbing noises came from him as he held them as close as possible.

This sentence can be split. The comma doesn't feel right there. Also small word change.

"Benjamin didn't speak. The only thing that Benjamin did was close his eyes, and cries cry into Josephine's chest, . Sobbing noises came from him as he held them as close as possible."

Josephine held Benjamin close to them for as long as they can.

Comma and a small cut… also awwww.

"Josephine held Benjamin close, to them for as long as they can."

http://scp-sandbox-3.wikidot.com/the-hunters-workshop Tab 3

Hi there! I'm gonna critique this. Hope it helps.

[[collapsible show="Lets take a look at this." hide="-"]]

SCP-5496 is a machine capable of generating a localized anomalous thunderstorm when activated.

I feel like this can be condensed a little.

"SCP-5496 is a machine capable of generating a localized anomalous thunderstorm when activated."

When an animal of the subfamily Bovinae hears the thunder and is exposed to it, they will liquefy. This effect is exclusive to bovine entities.

I think it would be better if you included the information from the footnote in this sentence. Also you state that the anomaly effects Bovine entities twice.

"When an Any animal of the subfamily Bovinae that hears the thunder and is exposed to it , they directly underneath the thunder clouds generated by SCP-5496, will liquefy. This effect is exclusive to bovine entities."

According to Schaefer, Lyanna Kalho (Designated PoI-5496), had been responsible for at least thirteen cattle liquefications via minute atmospheric manipulation. These assaults occurred over the course of several months.

This can be into one sentence. Also it read a little weird. For instance the use of 'at least' in this sentence doesn't make sense to me.

"According to Schaefer, Lyanna Kalho (Designated PoI-5496), had been responsible for at least caused thirteen cattle liquefications via minute atmospheric manipulation. These assaults occurred over the course of several months."

Mr. Schaefer was suspicious of PoI-5496's involvement in this incident, and threatened to pursue legal action should the investigation prove fruitless.

Why would she pursue legal action if the investigation didn't prove he they did it? I feel like this would make more sense if the Foundation claimed they where investigating PoI-5496 because Mr. Schaefer wanted to pursue legal action.

The interior of the facility had been converted into a laboratory of sort.

'of sort' isn't very clinical. If you want to imply that it is barely a laboratory, maybe use 'makeshift'.

"The interior of the facility had been converted into a makeshift laboratory of sort."

PoI-5496 what were you do-

comma

" PoI-5496, what were you do-"

Mr. Essie P

Maybe remove the 'Mr.' so it reads as just 'SCP'. It's funny either way.

For years I've had to listen ti their cows chewin cud

Do you mean 'to' instead of 'ti'. It's a dialect, so I'm unsure if it's a typo or not. Also you missed the apostrophe after 'chewin'.

Alright, I remember reading this one awhile back and 'no-voting' it. This was mainly because it felt like half a story. It is entertaining in a 'wtf?' kind of way, but not enough to sell this article on its own. I would say there are two ways of improving this. If you want to make this article short, up the 'wtf' factor quite a bit, and make me really feel bad for these cows. If you want to make this a bit longer, you could focus more on Lyanna and really show us what is going on inside her head.

http://kontainer.djkakt.us/mirror-of-nostalgia

I'm lying in bed and listening to Sunset Lullaby by City Girl. It's a lovely little lofi song,

It should be 'lo-fi'.

"I'm lying in bed and listening to Sunset Lullaby by City Girl. It's a lovely little lo-fi song,"

Lofi saddens me; it fills me with dreams of far off fantasies of dark, empty city streets decorated with the lights of a thousand late night lights bleeding from the windows of establishments that beckons those hand in hand with lifetime lovers.

You use 'lights' twice. I would recommend this.

"Lofi saddens me; it fills me with dreams of far off fantasies of dark, empty city streets decorated with the lights of a thousand late night lights bleeding from the windows of establishments that beckons those hand in hand with lifetime lovers."

Somehow, during a walk in the wooded area outside of and to the right of my neighborhood, I stumbled upon a little hand mirror with a wooden handle and an oval-shaped frame.

This read a little weird to me. I would recommend shortening it a little.

"Somehow, during a walk in the wooded area outside of and to the right of my neighborhood, I stumbled upon a little hand mirror with a wooden handle and an oval-shaped frame."

I'm back all the way back to my teenhood home and see myself trailing slowly behind an old friend.

Comma, and 'teenhood' sounds weird to me. You might want to settle with 'childhood'.

"I'm back, all the way back to my teenhood home and see myself trailing slowly behind an old friend."

"Is she?" I demand him.

This sounds weird, maybe this.

""Is she?" I demand him retort."

"Please don't call the cops." He's on the verge of tears.

"They won't," he declares with confidence.

I feel as if confident isn't the right description for how he is feeling in this moment. Also the comma in the second sentence should be a period.

"Grow up, you little shit." I turn around and throw the mirror into the ground, shattering it.

'into' should be 'on'.

""Grow up, you little shit." I turn around and throw the mirror into on the ground, shattering it."

Overall I like this. It has a very emotional core, and your descriptions are very elegant, but there are moments where I felt a little lost. After reading it through, I'm still not entirely sure what is going on, like I have no clue who the lady in the black dress is. You may want to make things a little more clear. I also think adding some dates in there to give a better idea of the distance of time between these events would help. I would also take some time and rework some of the dialogue. You 'tell' more often then you 'show'. Another small suggestion would be to replace the '-' with a bit of text something along the lines of-

I think that would look nice. So in summary, I like this, but I think it could use a little more polish before you take it out of the oven. Hope I was of help.