Janitor Worth In: Buttery Boy Botheration!

Janitor Worth switched off the floor wax applicator and turned to face his work. The long hallway leading to the refrigerated storage glistened under the fluorescent light, shining beautifully with nary a speck of dust in sight. It had taken hours, but the entire bottom level of Site-30 had been waxed. The Custodian chuckled to himself, clearly content with his cleaning. "Another job well-done." He congratulated himself as he moved to unplug the wax applicator.

As he was about to retract the plug from the wall socket, a loud thud came from the upper levels, followed by the power in Site-30 blinking before cutting out altogether. The emergency lights came on after a brief delay and Worth sighed, rolling his eyes. "That damned lizard must have broken a wall or something again." He grumbled. Moments later, a piercing roar shook the building once more. "Yup. Great…" Resigning himself to the fact he would likely not be clocking out at 5 pm, Worth continued to collect his cleaning contrivances cantankerously, all the while cursing callously.


The emergency intercom came on, blaring the harried voice of Dr. Everwood begging for help before cutting out just as abruptly as it began. Worth continued to grumble, working on getting his mop bucket onto his massive cart. A new, sudden sound distracted him from his task; some muffled screams originating from the door at the opposite end of the hallway caught his attention.

Curious, Worth set down the still-full bucket and wheeled it away as he took a step towards the recently waxed hallway. Upon further inspection, he noticed a yellow liquid oozed from underneath the opening. "… That better not be what I think it is." The Janitor narrowed his eyes, growing irate at the soiling of his work.

Before he could take one step further, the door was violently knocked off its hinges by what appeared to be a headless child with bone-like fingers. "What the fuck?!" Worth exclaimed, narrowly evading both the door and child, only losing his hat in the process. His cart was obliterated by the impact of the door, creating a mess of cleaning supplies. The Custodian looked on in horror, his view shifting towards the formerly waxed hallway; now tainted with a strange yellow substance and skid marks from the door.

Worth reached out and dabbed the liquid with his index finger, examined it, then sampled the taste. "I can't believe it's butter. Hey you!" He turned around, spotting the child clumsily attempting to get up from the wreckage of the cart. "I've got enough of a mess to clean upstairs, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna have to clean this and whatever the hell is going on above!" He got up, reaching for his janitor cap and covering his red locks.

The child rose, a bit dazed, his bony fingers seeming to nurse a head that was not there. He turned to face the irate adult before visibly panicking and running in the opposite direction, shooting a trail of butter ahead of him and leaving more behind him.

"God… Damn it!" Worth cursed, sloppily sliding towards the disaster that was now his cart. He watched the kid picking up speed and grumbled. "You're really gonna make me chase you, you little punk?!" He looked about for anything that could help him, spotting his mop and bucket resting undisturbed. Worth contemplated for a moment before removing the top half his button-up jumpsuit; wiping off his buttery hands.

Adjusting his tool belt, Worth grabbed his mop bucket and mop then moved backward to get a running start on the non-buttered ground before hopping onto the rolling bucket; fiercely wielding his mop. The carted custodian's mop hit the slippery ground and began mopping at a feverish pace; enough to make the most passionate curler blush. "I'm coming for you, you little shit!" He announced vivaciously.


Once more, the emergency broadcast system came on, this time with the voice of a lactose intolerant individual having suffered a dairy-based assault.

Worth's pursuit of SCP-1728 continued down the winding hallways of the bottom floor, with the janitor's cart nearly being tipped at every turn. Every few meters the mop would become too sticky, and Worth, ever resourceful, would dunk it in the increasingly filthy degreaser water to regain traction. He was gaining on him, and the dairy devil would turn around to look his nonexisting eyes at the furious adult. In what could only be assumed as a panic, he aimed his bony protrusion at Worth and fired a jet of butter directly towards the janitor's eyes.

The projectile was so sudden and Worth's speed so swift that he could not dodge or correct his course. Blinded by butter, the precariously perched janitor stumbled backward and fell off, landing on his back while the mop bucket moved a few meters ahead and eventually tipped over. 1728 dashed away with a trail of butter in his wake, leaving behind the ailing janitor. He squirmed and writhed in pain, slowly getting up.

He took a step forward, only to step on his mop and have the wooden pole rise to greet his nose with a hearty wooden 'thud'. Worth grumbled in agony, taking his nose in one hand and the mop in the other. "This little shit is gonna pay, I don't care how slippery he is." He inched his way across the slippery terrain all the while nursing his injury, following the trail of golden liquid and cursing all the way.

Continuing for some time, the trail eventually diverted into the Site-30 Weapons Storage Room. The door was open, and through the flickering backup lights, the disgruntled janitor could see the bodies of several researchers and guard personnel laying about. He approached cautiously"What happened to you? Are you alright?" Worth fired off questions the moment he was at their side, resting the mop against the wall to turn the limp body on its back. "Oh my god."

A massive brick of butter was lodged in the researcher's mouth, who seemed to have passed out from shame. Worth took his mop, looking around the room. Everywhere he looked, there were men and women with entire bricks of butter shoved in places not meant for dairy consumption. The trail of butter and humiliated personnel lead further down into the anomalous object storage chamber. Worth steeled himself, mop in hand as he followed the golden road once more.

The further he journeyed down the ominous hallway, the more apparent the sound of clattering became. It seemed to be coming from a storage room labeled 'blades', and the custodian swallowed nervously. He approached the open door and peered in, the emergency lights faintly illuminating a mess of swords, glaves, and various pointy weapons of destruction resting on the floor; all with a faint golden sheen coating them. 1728 was at the other end of the room, rummaging through a case and knocking down more and more weapons on his quest to find something.

Taking his chance to sneak up on the rascal, Worth grinned maliciously and tiptoed across the room. He bypassed the butter and blades briskly, brandishing his mop with malicious intent. As the custodian was about 2 meters from the boy, it seemed to jump for joy, now brandishing a quite intimidating knife. The Janitor paused to question whether or not he would want to pick a fight with the now armed headless butter child, he took a step back. The heel of his boot hit the hilt of a nearby sword, causing it to make a sharp clatter. Worth swallowed nervously as his opponent turned around to facelessly face him, threatening his life with the knife.

There was no escaping him now, this thing was too fast. He'd have to fight. Worth spun his mop in his right hand, the head sending a mixture of butter, degreaser, water, and filth in all directions before coming to a halt; pointing at its adversary. "Come on, you little shit. You picked the wrong janitor to mess with. There's a whole lot of mess out there and I ain't cleaning it."

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