I Scream, You Scream
rating: +1+x

Item Number: SCP-XXXX

Object Class: Keter

Special Containment Procedures: Due to its anomalous properties, containment of SCP-XXXX is currently infeasible. SCP-XXXX's activity is to be monitored by assigned personnel, and all abnormal changes in behavior are to be reported to Head Researcher Westrin. Upon SCP-XXXX's departure from a premises, all missing stock is to be re-compensated, and all employees are to be administered Class-A amnestics.

Description: SCP-XXXX is a middle-aged man of Caucasian descent, typically seen in the nearby vicinity of ice cream parlors. SCP-XXXX's primary anomalous property is its use of a personalized Type-XVII memetic construct (henceforth SCP-XXXX-A) to bypass all possible cognitive resistance within humans, effectively allowing SCP-XXXX to control the actions of others. Prevention of this effect is impossible once SCP-XXXX-A has been perceived by its intended recipient. All attempts to record SCP-XXXX-1 have resulted in failure.

SCP-XXXX's secondary anomalous properties include a complete immunity to any harm, and the inability to age. In addition, SCP-XXXX seems to have no concept of mortality, death, or pain, and displays an apparent apathy for others' well-being.

Occasionally, SCP-XXXX will navigate to a location with a high concentration of frozen dairy products (such as aforementioned ice cream parlors, frozen yogurt stores, etc) and utilize SCP-XXXX-A to steal as much of it as possible. Shortly thereafter, it will begin to consume all products taken — it is presumed that SCP-XXXX does not suffer from stomach rupture due to its secondary abilities. Upon finishing consumption, it will wander aimlessly for a seemingly random amount of time, before repeating the process.

Incident XXXX-1: On January 15th, 2019, SCP-XXXX succeeded in entering Site-37's cafeteria during its "Free Ice Cream Day" (a bi-monthly event implemented to boost employee morale). SCP-XXXX then proceeded to purloin all ice cream which was being served, and leave. However, during this event, SCP-XXXX was momentarily confronted by Junior Researcher Jacob Curtis. Due to the events which transpired, Dr. Curtis has been docked a week's pay.


INTERVIEWER: Junior Researcher Jacob Curtis

DATE OF LOG: 1/15/19 Approx. 12:15 Local Time


Dr. Curtis: Excellent! Let's start then. How did you first come to learn about your abilities?

SCP-XXXX: I dunno.

Dr. Curtis: Er, alright then. Next question, how do you think your abilities affect others?


Dr. Curtis: Say, perhaps, you take some ice cream from a child. What do you think the child feels?

SCP-XXXX shrugs, and begins to lick ice cream from a cone. Silence for three seconds.

Dr. Curtis: …I… okay, nevermind. What was the largest place which you had stolen from?


Dr. Curtis: That's not what I meant.

SCP-XXXX: Really big.

SCP-XXXX outstretches its arms, causing some ice cream to splay onto Dr. Curtis's face.

Silence follows. While Dr. Curtis remains stunned, SCP-XXXX continues to lick its ice cream.

Dr. Curtis: …Can you please cooperate with me here? I kind of need this.


Dr. Curtis: Thank you. Has there ever been an incident where someone has resisted your commands?

SCP-XXXX: Uh, don't remember.

Dr. Curtis: …Seriously? It should be pretty darn easy to — okay, fine. Look, can you tell me anything you do remember?

Silence. SCP-XXXX continues to lick its ice cream cone while maintaining direct eye contact with Dr. Curtis. He begins to become visibly angry.

Dr. Curtis: SCP-XXXX, this is the first damn thing I've been able to do since I started working here, okay? All it's been so far is paperwork and monitoring you, and when I finally am able to speak to you in person, you don't even answer my questions properly. Please just help me out here, okay?

SCP-XXXX: You're weird.

Dr. Curtis: I swear to god — hey!

SCP-XXXX begins to walk away. Dr. Curtis walks after it.

Dr. Curtis: Listen to me, I need a damn promotion or at least something new to do. I have a fucking Masters degree for god's sake, I didn't come here to work at a desk job!

SCP-XXXX: I don't care.

Dr. Curtis: Please!


SCP-XXXX appears visibly upset, but stops and faces Dr. Curtis.

Dr. Curtis: …Just, one more question, and I'll let you be, alright?

SCP-XXXX appears to relax.


Dr. Curtis: …Why?

SCP-XXXX tilts its head slightly in confusion.

SCP-XXXX: Why what?

Dr. Curtis: Why do you do it? You have the power to make anyone do anything you want, yet all you do is raid dairy shops. Hell, you bypassed even this site's security with ease, which keeps out practically anything. You could've caused the end of the world or humanity itself, become an all-powerful dictator, made everyone your mindless slaves, or done literally anything else, yet you chose this. Why? What purpose does any of this serve?

There is silence for approximately five seconds.

SCP-XXXX: I like ice cream.


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